The Hollow Murder: the Trial ptA
Everyone deserves a fair trial, even primitive cave-dwellers9 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Is missy a Neanderthal or Daisy Mae Yokum from Lil' Abner? I'm not sure if I'm in the late Pleistocene or Dogpatch! "I ain't goin' fronta them an' sayin' I cracked that old buzzard. I'm sorry Miss May. I jist cain't." LOL. :-)
Notes: "Ohmie's testimony as to his investigative findings were devastating." (Testimony is singular - should be was devastating, not were.)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
Is missy a Neanderthal or Daisy Mae Yokum from Lil' Abner? I'm not sure if I'm in the late Pleistocene or Dogpatch! "I ain't goin' fronta them an' sayin' I cracked that old buzzard. I'm sorry Miss May. I jist cain't." LOL. :-)
Notes: "Ohmie's testimony as to his investigative findings were devastating." (Testimony is singular - should be was devastating, not were.)
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
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Correct, you are.
And yeah, I played with Missy's dialect. She was a murderess, after all. lol
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
This one is interesting. I'm surprised May wasn't allowed a defense. Perhaps the jury will take care of that. Notes follow.
Sue
Ohmie's testimony as to his investigative findings were devasting. ==> devastating; testimony . . . was
"You be Missy," Ohmie quietly said to May. "pretend to ==> "Pretend
Shouts of "guilty' rang from the crowd. "Hold up. Hold up!" Ohmie shouted, -- I'd break the paragraph after "crowd."
Gradually, the council, loosely called since it was a gathering of nearly all the adults of two hollows - Missy's, and Zorg's. -- incomplete sentence
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
Wayne,
This one is interesting. I'm surprised May wasn't allowed a defense. Perhaps the jury will take care of that. Notes follow.
Sue
Ohmie's testimony as to his investigative findings were devasting. ==> devastating; testimony . . . was
"You be Missy," Ohmie quietly said to May. "pretend to ==> "Pretend
Shouts of "guilty' rang from the crowd. "Hold up. Hold up!" Ohmie shouted, -- I'd break the paragraph after "crowd."
Gradually, the council, loosely called since it was a gathering of nearly all the adults of two hollows - Missy's, and Zorg's. -- incomplete sentence
Comment Written 27-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
I don't know what FanStory does, but that spelling error was NOT in my Word file.
Missy is on trial, not May. Missy chose not to testify. But you are right. I should put a word in there about some sort of defense.
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Sorry about confusing the names. I took a couple days off and am swamped with posts to review. Also a little fogged in today.
Comment from lyenochka
Interesting and I wonder if there are twelve black stones to get twelve jurors. I had to smile that you had a "fowler" in this scene. I am guessing through Ohmie's investigation, Missy will be proven innocent with the help of May convincing the other jurors.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2022
Interesting and I wonder if there are twelve black stones to get twelve jurors. I had to smile that you had a "fowler" in this scene. I am guessing through Ohmie's investigation, Missy will be proven innocent with the help of May convincing the other jurors.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the review.
Did you note, though, that the fowler did not get a prominent role? Rather kind of the opposite.
That would be a good 'guess'. But...
smiley face here
Comment from Tara Maxfield
I happened across this piece and started reading. Truth is I understand these are cave folk, but I'm quite sure they are likely some kin of mine. Ha!
I looked and see there are other related stories that I'm going to spend some time with getting to know Ohmie and May.
I have to ask how this concept came to you? As odd as the ones that come to me, I believe.
Great work!
Tara
Free Missy!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
I happened across this piece and started reading. Truth is I understand these are cave folk, but I'm quite sure they are likely some kin of mine. Ha!
I looked and see there are other related stories that I'm going to spend some time with getting to know Ohmie and May.
I have to ask how this concept came to you? As odd as the ones that come to me, I believe.
Great work!
Tara
Free Missy!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
There are about 40 caveman Ohmie and May stories posted and about 30 modern stories. And a half dozen that fall in between. All are Ohmie and May. The first was "What Now, Ohmie" where he invented stuff. The first modern one was "Kite Day". They were fun to write and seemed to catch on.
To answer your question, I came across some really intelligent thought from some of the ancients and wondered why humanus erectus couldn't have had the same brain power then as now, just less knowledge. And what if every generation had a Leonardo da Vinci? And Leo had to be young once - Ohmie.
Free Missy, indeed!
Thank you for the question.
Comment from Wendy G
Great story, Wayne, and it will be interesting to see if Missy is convicted as expected. Written well and with clarity. You are right about the length of titles!
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
Great story, Wayne, and it will be interesting to see if Missy is convicted as expected. Written well and with clarity. You are right about the length of titles!
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you. Pt 2 (last part) will be up in about 4 days.
Comment from Ricky1024
Part #1 was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
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Thr Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
Part #1 was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
...
Thr Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
Comment from royowen
I love the amount of lives that our Ohmie lives, this is a favourite of mine, it talks of times long past, when cavemen were cavemen, and women were almost glad of it. What a take with Ohmie being brave enough for the indignity of a testimony, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
I love the amount of lives that our Ohmie lives, this is a favourite of mine, it talks of times long past, when cavemen were cavemen, and women were almost glad of it. What a take with Ohmie being brave enough for the indignity of a testimony, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the fine review.
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Most welcome
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Ooooh! This is intriguing! I am looking forward to what comes next! I like the way you give the cavemen and women the gifts of language and well-developed thought processes. I don't remember that ever being done before, so I find that refreshing! It opens the door for so many scenarios! And the scene here is active, interesting and progresses at a perfect pace.
I do SOOOO agree with you about the inability to write longer titles. I, too, have had to alter what I wanted to entitle pieces. So ridiculous. We send regular people into space now, but we can't make room for a few extra digital keystrokes? Puh-LEEEEEEEEEASE!!
Nice job with this, Wayne. I'm regret that I'm out of six stars.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
Ooooh! This is intriguing! I am looking forward to what comes next! I like the way you give the cavemen and women the gifts of language and well-developed thought processes. I don't remember that ever being done before, so I find that refreshing! It opens the door for so many scenarios! And the scene here is active, interesting and progresses at a perfect pace.
I do SOOOO agree with you about the inability to write longer titles. I, too, have had to alter what I wanted to entitle pieces. So ridiculous. We send regular people into space now, but we can't make room for a few extra digital keystrokes? Puh-LEEEEEEEEEASE!!
Nice job with this, Wayne. I'm regret that I'm out of six stars.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the thought (six stars). I count that as very high praise anyway.
And thank you for the great review.
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Thank you for the great write that precipitated it!!
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BTB (by-the-by) smiley face here
I'm reading your Kindle version of 'Lessons in the key of Life'. Excellent writing. Interesting reading. I had no idea your talent. I am humbled by your reviewing my amateur scratchings. (sincere face here)
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Oh, wow!! Thank you for letting me know this!! And thank you for the SUPPORT, too!! This absolutely delights me!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
It's a fine story. I for one wouldn't have minded the length, but as long as you post the rest within 10 days I won't mind. Maybe this will come, but I would like to see self-defence and the right to choose your man discussed. Are there no times when 'murder' is permissable. Kate xx
Though Ohmie managed to council the jurors that Missy's reluctance to speak on her own behalf should not reflect either guilt or innocence. > gammatically unsound (though needs an altenative in the same sentence), and I THINK you mean counsel.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
It's a fine story. I for one wouldn't have minded the length, but as long as you post the rest within 10 days I won't mind. Maybe this will come, but I would like to see self-defence and the right to choose your man discussed. Are there no times when 'murder' is permissable. Kate xx
Though Ohmie managed to council the jurors that Missy's reluctance to speak on her own behalf should not reflect either guilt or innocence. > gammatically unsound (though needs an altenative in the same sentence), and I THINK you mean counsel.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2022
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Thank you.
Of course I mean counsel. I distinctly remember fixing that. Grrr.
And yes, part 2 just days away.