One Thousand Cranes
Viewing comments for Chapter 149 "Living In Darkness"Gypsy's Favorites
9 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
Tripping into the world of darkness with little relief?
...
1983 first nervous breakdown.
1993 the second one.
And, the third one in 2003?
That was the Killer!
It came about with the loss of my son.
Thrn followed eight months later with the suicide of my wife.
...
At that point in time.
I could not sleep well.
The TV set made no sense.
It took ten times more yo even button my shirt!
Yes, I was skirting the Edge of the precipice hoping to slip off and plunge yo my death.
...
I would walk around and around to the hallway, look at all my 8 by 10 pictures of my children with their smiling faces.
And, with the beautiful flowers.
Wondering what went wrong?
...
When I did sleep it was for all the wrong reasons.
Yes, and the nightmares from my son's accident would repeatedly plague me.
...
For two and a half years.
I cursed Jesus Christ for every moment I breathe and awoke.
I was at the bottom of the pit.
And, it was dank, dark, and eerie.
The Laddet and only way out was coated with the tears of my soul.
Each and every time.
I did make an attempt to exit.
Yes, but I would slip back down on my face.
I did find a trapdoor one day and I thought I could Escape?
But it was the entrance to Hell!
I could smell it and then one day a hand reached down and I grabbed it!
Finally then the birds would sing again.
The sky was blue.
I could feel the warmth of the sun upon my face and I knew in my heart.
Yes, I'd finally defeated my disgrace.
...
This is a True Story Contest Entry Rich in theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with this one.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Tripping into the world of darkness with little relief?
...
1983 first nervous breakdown.
1993 the second one.
And, the third one in 2003?
That was the Killer!
It came about with the loss of my son.
Thrn followed eight months later with the suicide of my wife.
...
At that point in time.
I could not sleep well.
The TV set made no sense.
It took ten times more yo even button my shirt!
Yes, I was skirting the Edge of the precipice hoping to slip off and plunge yo my death.
...
I would walk around and around to the hallway, look at all my 8 by 10 pictures of my children with their smiling faces.
And, with the beautiful flowers.
Wondering what went wrong?
...
When I did sleep it was for all the wrong reasons.
Yes, and the nightmares from my son's accident would repeatedly plague me.
...
For two and a half years.
I cursed Jesus Christ for every moment I breathe and awoke.
I was at the bottom of the pit.
And, it was dank, dark, and eerie.
The Laddet and only way out was coated with the tears of my soul.
Each and every time.
I did make an attempt to exit.
Yes, but I would slip back down on my face.
I did find a trapdoor one day and I thought I could Escape?
But it was the entrance to Hell!
I could smell it and then one day a hand reached down and I grabbed it!
Finally then the birds would sing again.
The sky was blue.
I could feel the warmth of the sun upon my face and I knew in my heart.
Yes, I'd finally defeated my disgrace.
...
This is a True Story Contest Entry Rich in theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with this one.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 15-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Doctor Ricky, I'm sorry for all the painful grief you've been through, it's more than anyone can take, but you made it through, thank God and your family live in you. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem and for the kind words. Also for sharing your story. I wish you the best
Gypsy hugs
Comment from aryr
Good luck wishes regarding the contest entry, Gypsy. This was fantastic, no truly amazing. I am so glad you found another doctor who showed YOU respect. The picture was dead on, describing your life. Blessed Be n Hugs!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Good luck wishes regarding the contest entry, Gypsy. This was fantastic, no truly amazing. I am so glad you found another doctor who showed YOU respect. The picture was dead on, describing your life. Blessed Be n Hugs!
Comment Written 15-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Yes, it's hard to find the right doctor. I am lucky.
Thank you very much for your time, and kind review, and helpfull feedback. Blessed be.
Gypsy hugs
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I agree, you are most welcome, Gypsy. Blessed Be n Hugs!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
A very well-written and beautiful haibun! You told it honestly describing your emotions and feeling trapped.
The Haiku in so few words describes insomnia with words like sleepy moon and constant companion.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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A very well-written and beautiful haibun! You told it honestly describing your emotions and feeling trapped.
The Haiku in so few words describes insomnia with words like sleepy moon and constant companion.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 15-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much for your time, and kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, sleep is important to a person's well being. Lack of sleep creates havoc on the immunity system which creates other problems. It's just a rolling snowball. Thank you for sharing this Haibun with us. Your comments were both candid and helpful. I'm sorry that you have gone through this, but thankfully, you have found a doctor who helped you with your sleeping issues. Amen.
Your haiku is filled with vivid imagery, and it complements the Haibun nicely. Of special note;
sleepy moon
peeks in through my window --
(I can see it.)
Well chosen photo. A pleasure to read. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2022
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Hi Gypsy, sleep is important to a person's well being. Lack of sleep creates havoc on the immunity system which creates other problems. It's just a rolling snowball. Thank you for sharing this Haibun with us. Your comments were both candid and helpful. I'm sorry that you have gone through this, but thankfully, you have found a doctor who helped you with your sleeping issues. Amen.
Your haiku is filled with vivid imagery, and it complements the Haibun nicely. Of special note;
sleepy moon
peeks in through my window --
(I can see it.)
Well chosen photo. A pleasure to read. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2022
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Margaret,
Thank you very much for your time and kind review and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from AP Apgar
Your haibun poem is very touching- good picture presentation- full moon a good touch- being tied to mental problems- excellent personal story in your notes- with a positive ending- finding professional help and the right medication to make you able to function in society - good job
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2022
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Your haibun poem is very touching- good picture presentation- full moon a good touch- being tied to mental problems- excellent personal story in your notes- with a positive ending- finding professional help and the right medication to make you able to function in society - good job
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2022
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Ap
Thank you very much for your time and kind review and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from robyn corum
M,
A great description of the emotions we feel when the darkness falls on us. I like the image of the sleepy moon always watching. This was a tender, realistic look at depression. Thanks!
BTW, the number to the crisis helpline isn't complete.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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M,
A great description of the emotions we feel when the darkness falls on us. I like the image of the sleepy moon always watching. This was a tender, realistic look at depression. Thanks!
BTW, the number to the crisis helpline isn't complete.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Hello, Robyn, the number is correct, it's three numbers 988 it's a suicide prevention lifeline. The first time I saw it I thought the same thing so I called it. click here for more information
Thank you very much, Robyn. It's good to hear from you. Happy belated birthday. (*=*)
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Oh, wow! That is SO cool! If everyone gets used to that, it will be a quick at hand as 911. AWESOME!
And thanks for the bday wishes! I have missed so much lately - with the new grandbaby I don't have as much time to read. Hope you are doing well. Hugs-
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Congratulations on the new grandbaby. (*=*)
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Thank you!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing your story and this contest entry with us. My prayers will continue for you. I have a daughter-in-law, Crystal, who suffers from bio-polar depression, and a son, not Crystal's husband, but a different son who suffers from insomnia. Both diseases are horrible. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Thank you for sharing your story and this contest entry with us. My prayers will continue for you. I have a daughter-in-law, Crystal, who suffers from bio-polar depression, and a son, not Crystal's husband, but a different son who suffers from insomnia. Both diseases are horrible. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Barbara, thank you for understanding and validating my disease kindly. Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem, my friend. Take care.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from karenina
The power is in the sparsity of words. You've allowed the condition to take center stage and it would have been diluted with more description. Insomnia is a condition of depletion. The absence of sleep for one night is inconvenient. Chronic insomnia throws our ability to cope with life off ~ even if we were not dealing with bipolarity or panic attacks. I felt your urgency, and I know from personal experience how difficult it is to get a medical professional to step up to the plate and treat the underlying issues. What a profound Haibun. We don't want the "sleep moon" to be our "constant companion!" Our bodies, our psyche, needs to wax and wane too!
Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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The power is in the sparsity of words. You've allowed the condition to take center stage and it would have been diluted with more description. Insomnia is a condition of depletion. The absence of sleep for one night is inconvenient. Chronic insomnia throws our ability to cope with life off ~ even if we were not dealing with bipolarity or panic attacks. I felt your urgency, and I know from personal experience how difficult it is to get a medical professional to step up to the plate and treat the underlying issues. What a profound Haibun. We don't want the "sleep moon" to be our "constant companion!" Our bodies, our psyche, needs to wax and wane too!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Karenina, I appreciate your detailed, kind, and empathic review. You always do so well but this one was extra special to me. Thank you for the exceptional six stars review!
Gypsy hugs
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason." - Novalis
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Your expert voice speaks for so many.
Myself included! Hugs!
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Thank you (*=*)
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Thank you (*=*)
Comment from lyenochka
Loved this beautiful haibun! Yes, sleep is necessary as without it, it's hard to live and have rational thoughts. You told your story so well and the "sleepy moon" as a "constant companion" is a great way to depict insomnia.
Panic sat in (set or sets) Is the prose part of haibuns supposed to be all in present tense?
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Loved this beautiful haibun! Yes, sleep is necessary as without it, it's hard to live and have rational thoughts. You told your story so well and the "sleepy moon" as a "constant companion" is a great way to depict insomnia.
Panic sat in (set or sets) Is the prose part of haibuns supposed to be all in present tense?
Comment Written 14-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much, Big Sister. I fixed that error. Haibun can be written in present or past tense. I noticed my author notes said 'usually in present tense' but it's supposed to be 'present or past' tense, it's corrected.
Love,
MariVal (*=*) <3
