Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. You moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. The picture yo8u chose matches the chapter.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Exceptional

As far as I can tell you have no errors in your writing, but then I was so engrossed I couldn't slow down reading. You set up Amy's situation brilliantly so that the reader could never doubt how the world has abused her, all because of Pat. Can hardly wait to see how Alex wins this one.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Judy Lawless

Excellent

This is another well-written and a little disturbing chapter, Barbara. I like the fact Alexandra is trying to help all these women who were raped by Pat Rogers. I think she might be needed to stay in this town. :)

One suggestion is instead of stated "a nine-year old boy" put the information into some context, such as when his mother introduces him, or one of them ask him how old he is. In other words, show, don't tell.

One little typo:
"It appears to be heading (in) that direction."

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022

I added that word yesterday. Hmm, now I'm wondering what happened to it LOL Thank you for the catch.

reply by Judy Lawless on 03-Aug-2022

You're most welcome, Barbara. Strange things often happen here. lol

Comment from Rosemary Everson1

Exceptional

This is a very good chapter that you wrote. It has such empathy and comfort within. Cord does sound like quite a gentleman. He gets involved in Alexandra's concerns and watches out for her.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from estory

Excellent

As always the dialogue is lively, and the theme comes across through it, and that puts us in the middle of the conflicts and the struggles, trying to sift through the morals. You lay out your case here through the quiet lawyer as she seeks to right the wrongs and the injustices of the world. estory

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Shirley McLain

Exceptional

What a sad tale. Pat Rogers is a scum bag character. You are doing such a great job, and I'm always ready for more. My impatience is winning out right now. Enjoy your afternoon. Shirley

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I'm sure there are more situations of rape and serial rape than any of us could ever imagine, but hopefully, your story and others will give those who read about them the strength to stand up and speak out. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review and support. I need a few males in my defense. LOL

Comment from Fleedleflump

Excellent

Well, he clearly deserves to spend the rest of his life in jail, although if that happened, I'd worry about the financial restitution, as he wouldn't be able to make child support payments - a bit of a conundrum! I only saw one comma note in here, and it was a very well written chapter. I liked how naturally the two of them are getting closer.

Mike

Spag note:

'Just so you know he raped you.' - needs a comma after 'know'

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review and finding my missing comma.

Comment from amahra

Excellent

Rape is such a horrible crime. It's sickening what people, particullay women, of this terrible crime have to face. The artwork you chose was interesting and quite appropriate.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

{" It wouldn't" look right. We'll go together."

-"It wouldn't

This was... the rape part and Amy's father being well... Let's be honest. There are only two types of men in these stories, and two types of sexual contacts, and two types of women.

I would offer advice about some of this, but... I did not look at the reviews. I expect many women will give this a six and a few guys too. It hits all the classic targets for a certain perspective. I do not mean to insult you, but there are major issues, that I don't think people on the site will tell you about for reasons common to FanStory.

Good luck. I wish you well.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2022

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Thank you for the kind review and for catch. I switched those two sentences around at the last minute before posting and left in a space. I know you're wondering about a rape charge. It's past the statute of limitations in Texas. That will be addressed in the next post. As for Amy's father, this is a real person that I knew years ago. As do women who won't disagree with their husband, no matter what. My mother-in-law was like that and the first time I disagreed with my husband he was shocked. He'd never seen it before. After 40+ years of marriage, he's learned to expect it. They do exist.

reply by lancellot on 01-Aug-2022

I figured that it was a personal insert.
That's part of the issue. Barbara, it is the mixing of non-fiction personal things with a romance fictional story that (IMO) is causing issues.

We are repeatedly told that there are no secrets in a small town. Yet, you have a serial rapist for at least a decade, walking around, raping women in his office, during business hours, with the door unlocked, and other women sitting in his waiting room. Yet, no one, even our one (he's a good one) knight does anything, until our tiny female hero shows up, and everything just happens to fall in her lap.

Amy, is a too perfect victim. Just look how you've described her and her dwelling. (does state and Federal Public Aide not exist?) She's been a waitress since High School, even with a kid because she had to be written as desperate and in need, to make Rogers look worse.

Rogers is the perfect villain (Satan). Given all he's done, there's no way he should be alive, not under a prison, a has multiple kids or an STD.

All the women, except your heroine are born victims, with no will, voice, vengeance or apparent husband or boyfriend. They are one dimensional characters created to serve one roll, including the main characters. They aren't believable. Cord and Coach are the same guy.

There is little romance in your romance novel, but lots of virgin female hero empowerment side quests, with standard bad men and standard good victim women.

Your book needs to get back to romance. It has to tingle the reader, make them feel the longing, lust, or love.

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022

Amy has only lived like this since her grandma died, a year ago. She lived with her grandma until then and raised her child. Because of Rogers background nobody would believe him to be like this so people did keep quiet. This stuff does really happen. I went to high school with a girl, Donna, she lived five houses down from me in a very small town. We didn't even lock our doors at night. She was two years older than me. Her dad worked with my dad. This girl had been molested by her dad since she was in elementary school. Nobody knew anything about it, probably because they didn't want to know or didn't want to believe it happened. I know of many similar situations. I know you don't want to believe it. A touch of realism in fiction makes it realistic fiction. That being said, I could say the same about many of your stories. The hero meets a girl and immediately has sex with them. I don't feel every female is ready and waiting to have sex with your hero. It doesn't ring true to me. In many of your stories the females are good for nothing but a sex object.

reply by lancellot on 01-Aug-2022

It is your romance novel (remember that is what should be first and foremost)

If you like it as is. Then go for it. I really do wish you luck with it. My criticism, is meant to be constructive, and completely optional.

I tell you because I think you can write. I just think you project too much of yourself and experiences into your works.

I'm no expert, just an avid reader. I don't know what a publisher would tell you, but I can bet it is not what many of the seniors on this site (who trade sixes) tells you.