The Backyard
An Ubi Sunt Contest Entry33 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
A strong and vibrant piece of writing that illustrates not only the physicality of occurrences within the garden, most notably the dull thump against the glass, and and the recursive return to the dead ligustrum.
Very well done, and a pleasure to read and review. :))
Gloria
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A strong and vibrant piece of writing that illustrates not only the physicality of occurrences within the garden, most notably the dull thump against the glass, and and the recursive return to the dead ligustrum.
Very well done, and a pleasure to read and review. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
Comment from Michele Harber
You've definitely convinced me you know so much more about science and nature than I do, but you use your knowledge very well. Your poem paints very vivid, detailed and specific pictures, and you definitely follow the transience and mortality themes of the Ubi Sunt.
I love the degree of detail in lines like, "brown leaves emit a death rattle
in the stiff breeze," and "the light-infused bristled tips." I also enjoyed your mix of science and poetic style (alliteration) in "with no less efficacy
entropy--no theory here--works its own collapse," bringing the mortality element to the fore.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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You've definitely convinced me you know so much more about science and nature than I do, but you use your knowledge very well. Your poem paints very vivid, detailed and specific pictures, and you definitely follow the transience and mortality themes of the Ubi Sunt.
I love the degree of detail in lines like, "brown leaves emit a death rattle
in the stiff breeze," and "the light-infused bristled tips." I also enjoyed your mix of science and poetic style (alliteration) in "with no less efficacy
entropy--no theory here--works its own collapse," bringing the mortality element to the fore.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Michele,
Thank you for taking time to read my poem and for your thoughtful review. Much appreciated!
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My pleasure!
Comment from Frank Malley
"The Backyard" is an exceptional poem that establishes lavishly the beauty and durable resurgence of nature in the narrator's back yard. The poem is punctuated by images of lovely growth and the brief account of a hawk's predation, artfully presented as a thump against a window at dawn. The poem also includes a tantalizing reference to quantum theory, and ends with the exigent removal of a dead, once beautiful plant. I thank C2 for his recommendation of two books on the Quantum Puzzle.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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"The Backyard" is an exceptional poem that establishes lavishly the beauty and durable resurgence of nature in the narrator's back yard. The poem is punctuated by images of lovely growth and the brief account of a hawk's predation, artfully presented as a thump against a window at dawn. The poem also includes a tantalizing reference to quantum theory, and ends with the exigent removal of a dead, once beautiful plant. I thank C2 for his recommendation of two books on the Quantum Puzzle.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Frank,
Thank you for your generous six-star review. So glad you enjoyed the poem. Much appreciated!
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You're welcome. Frank
Comment from Katie Mae Dead
Very beautifully constructed C2! I'm very wowed. I could site my favorite lines but I be just about quoting the whole piece.
I like the mention of the quantum theory sligh-of-hand. Very cosmic and ethereal.
Beautifully done. I smell a winner here. Best wishes for the contest
Take care
Katiemae Dead
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Very beautifully constructed C2! I'm very wowed. I could site my favorite lines but I be just about quoting the whole piece.
I like the mention of the quantum theory sligh-of-hand. Very cosmic and ethereal.
Beautifully done. I smell a winner here. Best wishes for the contest
Take care
Katiemae Dead
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Katie Mae Dead,
Thank you for reading my poem and for your generous six-star review. I?m so glad you enjoyed it. Much appreciated!
THANKS,
C2
Comment from Donna G. (aka Sam Duck)
Well, C2, this is lovely! I can see your appreciation of nature in every line and every word. Your imagery is strong and your words poetic. Thank you for sharing this poetry today!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Well, C2, this is lovely! I can see your appreciation of nature in every line and every word. Your imagery is strong and your words poetic. Thank you for sharing this poetry today!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Donna,
Thank you for reading my poem and for your kind feedback!
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for entering the contest and for all your great information about the ligustrum and the Bohr and Labatut books. You might want to just re-edit the notes because pasting into the Fanstory notes field renders each apostrophe and quotation mark into garbage. Typing over those usually fixes it.
Enjoyed your poem contemplating the richness and the transience of life as seen in plants. I'm glad it's the dead ligustrum that will get cut and not the hawk. I really liked the metaphor in "dead ligustrum
whose brown leaves emit a death rattle." Best wishes in the contest!
Suggested commas:
"magnolias, days away
from displaying their creamy blooms," (Punctuation is up to the poet but as I was reading, I first read "magnolias" adjectivally instead of the subject)
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Thank you for entering the contest and for all your great information about the ligustrum and the Bohr and Labatut books. You might want to just re-edit the notes because pasting into the Fanstory notes field renders each apostrophe and quotation mark into garbage. Typing over those usually fixes it.
Enjoyed your poem contemplating the richness and the transience of life as seen in plants. I'm glad it's the dead ligustrum that will get cut and not the hawk. I really liked the metaphor in "dead ligustrum
whose brown leaves emit a death rattle." Best wishes in the contest!
Suggested commas:
"magnolias, days away
from displaying their creamy blooms," (Punctuation is up to the poet but as I was reading, I first read "magnolias" adjectivally instead of the subject)
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Ivenichka,
Thank you for reading my poem and for your kind feedback. I actually had a comma there and removed it but I agree with you! I?ll add it back.
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is an excellent entry for the contest. Your notes are informative, and I agree that it is a fascinating theory. I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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This is an excellent entry for the contest. Your notes are informative, and I agree that it is a fascinating theory. I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Thanks again!
Comment from rspoet
Hello C2,
You've written an excellent poem for the Ubi sunt contest
with very good description and imagery of the transience nature of existence.
Back in 1905, Einstein introduced his particle-wave theory about electro-magnetic radiation. Of course, this is on the subatomic level,
though many patterns repeat throughout nature.
I wrote a one line poem long ago titled Goodnight Albert.
Every night I wave goodbye to the last particle of sunlight
as it drifts below the horizon.
Enjoyed your poem.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Hello C2,
You've written an excellent poem for the Ubi sunt contest
with very good description and imagery of the transience nature of existence.
Back in 1905, Einstein introduced his particle-wave theory about electro-magnetic radiation. Of course, this is on the subatomic level,
though many patterns repeat throughout nature.
I wrote a one line poem long ago titled Goodnight Albert.
Every night I wave goodbye to the last particle of sunlight
as it drifts below the horizon.
Enjoyed your poem.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Robert,
I love your one-line poem! Thank you for reading mine and for your kind feedback.
Comment from Janet Foor
Vivid imagery throughout this well written Ubi sunt poem for the contest. Excellent descriptions to captivate the reader. I especially liked (a ruckus at sunrise) and the whole penultimate stanza.
Well done.
PS: Privet where I live is very invasive and I have dug a few out of my flower beds. (smile).
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Vivid imagery throughout this well written Ubi sunt poem for the contest. Excellent descriptions to captivate the reader. I especially liked (a ruckus at sunrise) and the whole penultimate stanza.
Well done.
PS: Privet where I live is very invasive and I have dug a few out of my flower beds. (smile).
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Janet,
Thank you for reading my poem and for your kind feedback. Always fighting the privet here in Dallas!
Comment from Paul McFarland
I am not much into free verse, but you caught my attention with this poem. I am a little weak on the science, but okay with the rest. I really like the way you used that last line.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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I am not much into free verse, but you caught my attention with this poem. I am a little weak on the science, but okay with the rest. I really like the way you used that last line.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Paul,
Thank you for reading my poem and for your kind feedback. I almost never write poems in free verse but lately this is how my muse delivers it. Hoping she will bring me some rhymes soon!
Thanks,C2
