You Will Stop
The sentence is real. I just made up the rest.15 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a sad story of how some die alone and no one seems to care. That nurse should have redone the sheets and talked to her. It would have only taked a minute or so. Maybe that act of kindness would have given her hope to live.
Congrats on finishing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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This is a sad story of how some die alone and no one seems to care. That nurse should have redone the sheets and talked to her. It would have only taked a minute or so. Maybe that act of kindness would have given her hope to live.
Congrats on finishing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 16-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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Hi Joan,
Thanks so much for your lovely review. Sometimes because of our own problems and hectic lives we forget that just a smile can make a person's day.
Take care xxx
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You are most kindly welcome, Heather.
Joan
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Oy, how this one tugs at the heartstrings. You did the best job here of setting the stage (I could see and even smell Gloria's surroundings), then drawing me in to this poor suffering woman whose last simple request from her "caregiver" was neglected. Hopefully, she's in a better place now.
Very, very well done.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Oy, how this one tugs at the heartstrings. You did the best job here of setting the stage (I could see and even smell Gloria's surroundings), then drawing me in to this poor suffering woman whose last simple request from her "caregiver" was neglected. Hopefully, she's in a better place now.
Very, very well done.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Rachelle. You're very kind.Take care.
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Oh, Miss Talented, it is not out of "kindness" that I write reviews like that; it's out of genuine recognition of someone's exceptional work.
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Thank you, Rachelle. I'm glad you liked the story. Getting second place made my day. I've been feeling kind of down today. Not any more. x
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Yes! There's nothing like a little peer recognition to make the spirits soar! Congrats on that trophy!!! xo
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So true. I've taken a picture to send it to Debra tomorrow. It's just second place, but it's good anyway. She got writer of the month (I think) not long ago and was also very happy.
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Must be that "birds of a feather" syndrome!! Please say "hi" to her for me. She was someone I liked a lot.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
you might want to do another check on word count here. I make it 249 and it has to be 250 exactly to qualify.
Gloria called to her in a whisper- there's a change in font/size here.
There's an ethereal quality at the end of this, and an oblique ending which is interesting.
All the best
G
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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Hi there,
you might want to do another check on word count here. I make it 249 and it has to be 250 exactly to qualify.
Gloria called to her in a whisper- there's a change in font/size here.
There's an ethereal quality at the end of this, and an oblique ending which is interesting.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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My word processor says 250, but I?ll check again.
Will change the font thing as well.
Thanks.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I wonder if Gloria died before her sheets were changed.
Excellent entry for the 250 Word Flash Fiction contest. You managed to tell a complete story in relatively short form.
I have been at a hospital a few times and I can relate. Nurses are usually too busy to care for all patients. It's enfuriating.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I wonder if Gloria died before her sheets were changed.
Excellent entry for the 250 Word Flash Fiction contest. You managed to tell a complete story in relatively short form.
I have been at a hospital a few times and I can relate. Nurses are usually too busy to care for all patients. It's enfuriating.
Good luck!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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She did die. It's common practice over here to change the sheets, or maybe I've seen it in American films? I'm not sure now.
My idea is that she had died, but maybe it wasn't clear enough.
You are right, nurses are too busy, but some actually care. The same thing happens in my mum's nursing home.
Thanks so much for reading.
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In America we change the sheets and make the bed after someone dies in the hospital. I understood what you mean. :)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job setting up your story, Heather. I enjoyed
reading it, though it was sad. You painted the picture well of
how sometimes a small act can mean so much to another. How
much time would it have taken to do what the woman wanted,
really? But, it would have meant so much to her. Later. . . it was
too late.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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You did a good job setting up your story, Heather. I enjoyed
reading it, though it was sad. You painted the picture well of
how sometimes a small act can mean so much to another. How
much time would it have taken to do what the woman wanted,
really? But, it would have meant so much to her. Later. . . it was
too late.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading. I agree with you. Just a kind gesture or even a smile can mean a lot.
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😊🌹
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent entry for the flash fiction. You wrote it well and your final sentence was compelling - and very sad, as we realised the implications.
I felt very sad for Gloria and he distressing life and death. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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An excellent entry for the flash fiction. You wrote it well and your final sentence was compelling - and very sad, as we realised the implications.
I felt very sad for Gloria and he distressing life and death. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, ,Wendy.
The story is sad...I know. Most of my stories are, except the ones I write for kids.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, this is a wonderful story! It's so sad it makes my heart hurt for your protagonist, and it's undoubtedly true for some folks.
I have just one (very small) suggestion -- I would say "Gloria called (to) her in a whisper.)
I enjoyed this tender tale very much!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Oh, this is a wonderful story! It's so sad it makes my heart hurt for your protagonist, and it's undoubtedly true for some folks.
I have just one (very small) suggestion -- I would say "Gloria called (to) her in a whisper.)
I enjoyed this tender tale very much!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks so much for your kind review, for the extra star and for telling me about the missing to. Just fixed it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
Take care.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Aussie
I could relate to your short story; being a nurse and working in a geriatric ward. Now, alone and getting on to 77 (Sept 17, I fear I will end up like Gloria. Thanks for sharing. Us Virgo's should stick together. K xx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I could relate to your short story; being a nurse and working in a geriatric ward. Now, alone and getting on to 77 (Sept 17, I fear I will end up like Gloria. Thanks for sharing. Us Virgo's should stick together. K xx
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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What a lovely job you had! When I finished high school I didn't know what to study: Medicine, Journalism or English. In the end I chose English and I think I'd have suffered too much being a nurse, but I envy everyone in healthcare because every day they help someone. You made a difference, I'm sure.
Thanks so much for reading and for the extra star.
BTW, I've never been sure whether I'm Libra or Virgo because I'm kind of there in the middle.:)
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We are only six days apart!
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That's really cool. My mum was born on Sept 6th, my aunt on 13th and my daughter-in-law on 21st
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Yippee! Virgo's rule!
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LOL! Thanks for making me smile.
Comment from lyenochka
That's heartbreaking that she couldn't even get that much attention in her last hours of life. And the hospitals are in much worse condition since the pandemic. I like how you used that interesting sentence/saying. Was it your great-aunt that said it? Or the housekeeper? I wasn't sure from your notes. Moving story. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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That's heartbreaking that she couldn't even get that much attention in her last hours of life. And the hospitals are in much worse condition since the pandemic. I like how you used that interesting sentence/saying. Was it your great-aunt that said it? Or the housekeeper? I wasn't sure from your notes. Moving story. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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If I remember correctly it was my aunt because the housekeeper was young and moved around quickly while she could hardly stand.
I don't think the sentence is a saying, just something I made up. Not sure, anyway.
Thanks so much for reading.
Comment from jessizero
I am glad that you made up most of this. It is upsetting, but it does make a good story. I like the quote. Thank you for sharing this here, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I am glad that you made up most of this. It is upsetting, but it does make a good story. I like the quote. Thank you for sharing this here, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks so much for reading my little story. Take care.
