The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "The Chronicles of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
13 total reviews
Comment from J. P. Olesen
Hi, amahra,
I took me a while, but finally found a little time to stop by and review this.
Excellent work! Lots of action as well as dialogue. I know you have an editor, but they may have overlooked something. I think you mean "sheaths" as opposed to "sheaves" in the 26th paragraph. Other than that--flawless work. Well done!
Sincerely,
J. P.
reply by the author on 10-May-2022
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Hi, amahra,
I took me a while, but finally found a little time to stop by and review this.
Excellent work! Lots of action as well as dialogue. I know you have an editor, but they may have overlooked something. I think you mean "sheaths" as opposed to "sheaves" in the 26th paragraph. Other than that--flawless work. Well done!
Sincerely,
J. P.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 10-May-2022
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Yes, I did. Thank you for catching that. This makes the second time I've mistaken those two words. Grrrrr! lol
Comment from Ulla
Hi amahra. I think a lot could be learnt from this chapter. The prince has a big ego and he thinks he knows best. But Gangus has the experience after all. You've written this chapter with great skill. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Hi amahra. I think a lot could be learnt from this chapter. The prince has a big ego and he thinks he knows best. But Gangus has the experience after all. You've written this chapter with great skill. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Ulla for your review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting chapter, amahra. Gangus is putting a lot of work into getting the Prince's support in battle, but obviously he has a big ego. I hope Dinary will have better results finding out what it is he needs to change his mind. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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This is an interesting chapter, amahra. Gangus is putting a lot of work into getting the Prince's support in battle, but obviously he has a big ego. I hope Dinary will have better results finding out what it is he needs to change his mind. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Judy, for your review and stars.
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You're very welcome, amahra.
Comment from Jay Squires
I really enjoy your family element blended in with the battling and the dangerous politicizing. There is always the consideration of the mother with her love for her son; and Gangus' love for Brehira has to weigh into his decisions regarding how much rein to give his firebrand son, Dinary. You've made sure there are no easy decisions on any front. That is what creates the tension in your chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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I really enjoy your family element blended in with the battling and the dangerous politicizing. There is always the consideration of the mother with her love for her son; and Gangus' love for Brehira has to weigh into his decisions regarding how much rein to give his firebrand son, Dinary. You've made sure there are no easy decisions on any front. That is what creates the tension in your chapter.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Ah, thank you, Jay. I'm glad you liked the family element. I've tried to make my world and characters as realistic as possible. Your review of my work is very important to me.
Comment from JoannaN
What I appreciate about this piece of writing is that you are actually creating something new, a new world. Even your characters have their own unique names.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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What I appreciate about this piece of writing is that you are actually creating something new, a new world. Even your characters have their own unique names.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Joanna for your review and liking the world and its characters.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is well written and wildly descriptive. Your writing pulled me in from the start and kept me engaged throughout.
I appreciate the presentation, as shorter paragraphs make for an easier read in my opinion.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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This is well written and wildly descriptive. Your writing pulled me in from the start and kept me engaged throughout.
I appreciate the presentation, as shorter paragraphs make for an easier read in my opinion.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Thank you very much for this nice review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Good reading, and you did a great job. I am enjoying the story. It stays active and full of tension. I didn't see any errors to mention. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Good reading, and you did a great job. I am enjoying the story. It stays active and full of tension. I didn't see any errors to mention. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from royowen
Unfortunately predictable, considering the the diplomacy of countries on earth who have little tolerance with each other's cultural and historical differences in play. But Dinary is brave in suggesting that someone Prince Norr's age may receive a better, or more favourable response from the Prince, but under the condition that Priest Hayman accompanies and advisers, well done Amahra, beautifully written, as always, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Unfortunately predictable, considering the the diplomacy of countries on earth who have little tolerance with each other's cultural and historical differences in play. But Dinary is brave in suggesting that someone Prince Norr's age may receive a better, or more favourable response from the Prince, but under the condition that Priest Hayman accompanies and advisers, well done Amahra, beautifully written, as always, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Roy, for this wonderful review and stars. Yes, I'm so glad about your understanding of that strategy.
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Well done
Comment from MissMerri
I think this is extremely imaginative and very well written. The few minor suggestions I made below, are merely to make your manuscript more publishable, if you care to do that. The characters in this story are well-defined and quite believable and the dialogue is excellent. I enjoyed reading this very much. Good luck.
*** ...fruit and a silver goblet that occupied (I would suggest a different word than "occupied." You might say "...with a silver goblet placed at each place setting." Occupied seems to imply the goblet takes up the whole space, and I know that's not what you meant.)
***Every place their spotted feet trod, *Add quotation marks at beginning of new paragraph here. (When a speaker's words in dialogue extend to more than one paragraph, use an opening quotation mark at the beginning of each paragraph. Use a closing quotation mark, however, only at the end of the person's speech, not at the end of every paragraph.)
***The queen (,)who wasn't used to wine (,) grinned widely
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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I think this is extremely imaginative and very well written. The few minor suggestions I made below, are merely to make your manuscript more publishable, if you care to do that. The characters in this story are well-defined and quite believable and the dialogue is excellent. I enjoyed reading this very much. Good luck.
*** ...fruit and a silver goblet that occupied (I would suggest a different word than "occupied." You might say "...with a silver goblet placed at each place setting." Occupied seems to imply the goblet takes up the whole space, and I know that's not what you meant.)
***Every place their spotted feet trod, *Add quotation marks at beginning of new paragraph here. (When a speaker's words in dialogue extend to more than one paragraph, use an opening quotation mark at the beginning of each paragraph. Use a closing quotation mark, however, only at the end of the person's speech, not at the end of every paragraph.)
***The queen (,)who wasn't used to wine (,) grinned widely
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much for this fine review, MissMerri. I'll make a note of your suggestions, especially for the main manuscript. I appreciate your suggestions.
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a great chapter, Amhara. You write with authority and your characters command the pages. I feel like I'm okay not going back as everything is stand-alone and explanatory with the way it is written. Well written (to no surprise) and well done.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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This is a great chapter, Amhara. You write with authority and your characters command the pages. I feel like I'm okay not going back as everything is stand-alone and explanatory with the way it is written. Well written (to no surprise) and well done.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, John. I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my work. I'm flattered.
