Daydreams from the Ashes
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Lost"Poems and meditations
4 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
In life, there are many losses we suffer along the way, not just simple tangible things but also losses of the heart and the grief we have suffered, a fine free-write about things we have lost, I can identify with your words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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In life, there are many losses we suffer along the way, not just simple tangible things but also losses of the heart and the grief we have suffered, a fine free-write about things we have lost, I can identify with your words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate you giving my work your time. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Comment from Pantygynt
Clearly you have a great appreciation of the sound of your poetry spoken aloud. Your sense f consonance and alliteration is highly developed and, as a result, this works like a piece of music as well as a poem.
In this line 'To the pasts ruined by trembling like a reed;' you create a somewhat hackneyed simile and have resorted to a word which I would wish to see banned, at least temporarily, until it had ceased to be used in place of thought. You know what I mean: I'm like running down the road and this man is like following me. That sort of thing makes me like scream!
Now you are not using 'like' in that way, but it has become so over-used wrongly that it is better to avoid it where possible.
I might offer: 'To the pasts ruined by trembling in the wind' as a solution.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Clearly you have a great appreciation of the sound of your poetry spoken aloud. Your sense f consonance and alliteration is highly developed and, as a result, this works like a piece of music as well as a poem.
In this line 'To the pasts ruined by trembling like a reed;' you create a somewhat hackneyed simile and have resorted to a word which I would wish to see banned, at least temporarily, until it had ceased to be used in place of thought. You know what I mean: I'm like running down the road and this man is like following me. That sort of thing makes me like scream!
Now you are not using 'like' in that way, but it has become so over-used wrongly that it is better to avoid it where possible.
I might offer: 'To the pasts ruined by trembling in the wind' as a solution.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate you giving it a read and I will rework the line you saw. I didn?t realize it was terrible bordering on an offense. Thank you for letting me know. I hope you have a wonderful day.
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It's just me and my like one man campaign. I want to like scream every time I like hear someone like using it.
Comment from Jay Squires
A beautiful thought about re-fusing a bone by breaking it again. I thought as I read, it is almost like an Indian's arrow that rips its path to the center, but then must be pushed through and out the other side rather than pull it back through its entrance point.
Either way, there's going to be pain before there is redemption. But you used the soul of a poet to let the reader experience the re-cracking of the bone. You've healed well, my dear K.
BTW, I called Theodore McDowell's attention to your poem. If you haven't read his, you should.
Jay
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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A beautiful thought about re-fusing a bone by breaking it again. I thought as I read, it is almost like an Indian's arrow that rips its path to the center, but then must be pushed through and out the other side rather than pull it back through its entrance point.
Either way, there's going to be pain before there is redemption. But you used the soul of a poet to let the reader experience the re-cracking of the bone. You've healed well, my dear K.
BTW, I called Theodore McDowell's attention to your poem. If you haven't read his, you should.
Jay
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate you giving it the time. I?ll also definitely give Theodore?s poetry a read. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
What a beautiful poem. Very lyrical and down to earth with honesty and transparency at the same time. You weave some lovely images into this poem that allow me access to your emotions. So well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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What a beautiful poem. Very lyrical and down to earth with honesty and transparency at the same time. You weave some lovely images into this poem that allow me access to your emotions. So well done.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate you giving it the time. Jay mentioned your poetry, so I will have to give yours a read. I hope you have a wonderful day.
