I Have a Secret
It's not what you might think.3 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I am unsure what to say. I liked the story. I can picture the setting, both in the bar, and getting into the cab. It's very visual but why didn't you name the two women by name in addition to their hair color or style? I truly stayed confused throughout. It has merit but for me is befuddling.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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I am unsure what to say. I liked the story. I can picture the setting, both in the bar, and getting into the cab. It's very visual but why didn't you name the two women by name in addition to their hair color or style? I truly stayed confused throughout. It has merit but for me is befuddling.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Heather and Amber
Comment from LisaMay
Cool story! She got rich quick, then gave it away.
I think I'll start hanging around in bars in case I can get rich unexpectedly too. Some rich woman sees her boyfriend kissing someone else then when his bank is robbed somehow she ends up the loot, but takes the opportunity to enhance some stranger's life - and her new boyfriend, the mailman, oh wait, maybe it was the sanitation guy. She's had one too many.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Cool story! She got rich quick, then gave it away.
I think I'll start hanging around in bars in case I can get rich unexpectedly too. Some rich woman sees her boyfriend kissing someone else then when his bank is robbed somehow she ends up the loot, but takes the opportunity to enhance some stranger's life - and her new boyfriend, the mailman, oh wait, maybe it was the sanitation guy. She's had one too many.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you.
But unless you ave reddish-blond hair ...
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Thank you.
But unless you ave reddish-blond hair ...
Comment from Frank Malley
The story is good, but it seems a little too circuitous. There is indeed a complex set of physical and conversational moves that the author takes care of quite well. The comma after Heather in the third paragraph causes it to seem as though Heather is another, third character; the reader learns she is not, but the comma caused me a sidestep in piecing together the story. I think a rewrite could've tightened it up; it's good, but could be exceptional.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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The story is good, but it seems a little too circuitous. There is indeed a complex set of physical and conversational moves that the author takes care of quite well. The comma after Heather in the third paragraph causes it to seem as though Heather is another, third character; the reader learns she is not, but the comma caused me a sidestep in piecing together the story. I think a rewrite could've tightened it up; it's good, but could be exceptional.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Too fast. My wife always tells me to let it rest and come back to it another day. These quick turn-around contests ... grrr