Christmas past
Family story6 total reviews
Comment from nor84
Please refer to sponsor's contest announcement rules. I believe she says 'no Christmas stories.' Maybe you can still revise the entry. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Please refer to sponsor's contest announcement rules. I believe she says 'no Christmas stories.' Maybe you can still revise the entry. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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You're right - got it wrong ! thanks for spotting it zanya
Comment from Ulla
Hi Zanya, this is a wonderful story and I loved it. It's a shame you haven't promoted it because so many more would read it. Well, I'm certainly glad I came across it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hi Zanya, this is a wonderful story and I loved it. It's a shame you haven't promoted it because so many more would read it. Well, I'm certainly glad I came across it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thanks for the review zanya
Comment from SimianSavant
Hey, just a suggestion, you might want to move the content of this piece to a new entry, and replace this one with content that does NOT talk about Christmas. Otherwise, you will be disqualified from the contest, and that would be a shame and a waste of your hard earned member dollars. Speaking as someone who is often disqualified for all sorts of crazy reasons, make those disqualifications something worth fighting for!
And here are a couple small edits:
you know where that telescope took me.' <= eliminate orphaned quote, or add another so it makes sense
With one eye firmly closed and the other one half- open <= make sure to eliminate the space on the right side of the hyphen. Same thing with "Bleary- eyed".
Best,
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hey, just a suggestion, you might want to move the content of this piece to a new entry, and replace this one with content that does NOT talk about Christmas. Otherwise, you will be disqualified from the contest, and that would be a shame and a waste of your hard earned member dollars. Speaking as someone who is often disqualified for all sorts of crazy reasons, make those disqualifications something worth fighting for!
And here are a couple small edits:
you know where that telescope took me.' <= eliminate orphaned quote, or add another so it makes sense
With one eye firmly closed and the other one half- open <= make sure to eliminate the space on the right side of the hyphen. Same thing with "Bleary- eyed".
Best,
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thanks for that reminder - yes didn't read the guidelines with sufficient care ! lesson for the future- was away from computer & didn't get to correct it !zanya
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story here and it's told in a way that shows your admiration for your grandfather. You do, however, need to work on paragraphing. The two paragraphs about the tractor could be combined. Paragraphs run like a train, one sentence right after another, no more spaces except the one between one sentence and the next. You said he received a telescope; he should be able to see things at great distances, not at a few inches.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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You have a good story here and it's told in a way that shows your admiration for your grandfather. You do, however, need to work on paragraphing. The two paragraphs about the tractor could be combined. Paragraphs run like a train, one sentence right after another, no more spaces except the one between one sentence and the next. You said he received a telescope; he should be able to see things at great distances, not at a few inches.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thanks for reviewing & commentary zanya
Comment from LisaMay
I enjoyed reading your story - it portrays the magic of Christmas really well, and a grandfather's storytelling, but the contest says NO stories about Christmas!!
Corrections:
his best friend, Joey, who a (remove 'a') longed for a tractor.
it was possible to see an object just a few inches away. (if they were just a few inches away, why did you need a telescope? ordinary eyesight would see them. Maybe you mean something like: 'it was possible to see an object as if it were only a few inches away.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I enjoyed reading your story - it portrays the magic of Christmas really well, and a grandfather's storytelling, but the contest says NO stories about Christmas!!
Corrections:
his best friend, Joey, who a (remove 'a') longed for a tractor.
it was possible to see an object just a few inches away. (if they were just a few inches away, why did you need a telescope? ordinary eyesight would see them. Maybe you mean something like: 'it was possible to see an object as if it were only a few inches away.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thanks for reminder re NO CHRISTMAS STORIES! & review zanya
Comment from BethShelby
This is an excellent family story. Christmas stories always brings back memories. Older family members usually remembered getting useful objects, clothing or fruit and nuts. I'm sure the memory of something that influenced their entire life was something they would never forget. Nicely told.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This is an excellent family story. Christmas stories always brings back memories. Older family members usually remembered getting useful objects, clothing or fruit and nuts. I'm sure the memory of something that influenced their entire life was something they would never forget. Nicely told.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thanks for reviewing zanya
