Reviews from

Blindsided

After being jilted twice, a woman gives up on romance

3 total reviews 
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

A good piece for the competition here. All ended well. I think there was slightly too long spent on the backstory element with Charles. I get you want to set the rest up but there wasn't an awful lot of time left in the development of the new romance to get rooting for it, if you se what I mean.

"Pleased ta' meet ya,' Miss Perry." - these aren't abbreviations but substitute colloquialisms and therefore don't need the apostrophes.

The subsequent 'accented' dialogue isn't consistent.

Her stomach growled as they rode to heliport. - to the heliport.

Her original conclusions about his intellect faded. - this didn't ring true for me about his intellect. He must have qualified just like her to be holding a similar position. I don't think intellect is the apt word.

Her older cat, Sukie had died the night- maybe another comma after the cat's name.

"I was sorry ta' hear about your baby dyin'"- need end punctuation before the closing speech marks here.

"Third time's a charm," she thought. "I never saw this coming. I've been blindsided by love."
- it's usually best to use a different form of marks for thoughts to differentiate from dialogue.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
    Thank for reading reviewing my story. I especially appreciate your help to improve it.
Comment from HarambeForPresident
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Well done. This is great writing.

The following technical edits are mostly just suggestions to slightly improve the flow of your reading.

Amelia, a small-town girl from a poor family <= add comma
became Charles' Eliza Doolittle. The opera, plays with hidden undertones, coffee bars with poets spewing pseudo wisdom <= comma suggested
became their late night habitats

body possibly made by Fisher <= comma suggested

"I'll be back at one sharp ta' get ya'" <= comma here. The triple quote is a little distracting even if it is technically correct.
He saluted her

Her older cat, Sukie <= comma needed
had died the night before

"I was sorry ta' hear about your baby dyin'" <= needs a period

Thanks for this great read.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
    Thank you for reading another story of mine and giving it a high mark. I especially appreciate your help to make it a better story.
Comment from Sanku
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I loved it .Amelia ,reluctantly and taking her own time accepting Dray .It is a cute love story .I would have liked to see her dancing with Dray while he played the piano!

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
    Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.