The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The Chronicles of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
16 total reviews
Comment from justafan
Trouble on the horizon for Gangus I fear. I absolutely love this storyline. The characters are easily liked and believable. Your storytelling is hands down one of the best I have seen on FanStory. Kudo's my friend.
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Trouble on the horizon for Gangus I fear. I absolutely love this storyline. The characters are easily liked and believable. Your storytelling is hands down one of the best I have seen on FanStory. Kudo's my friend.
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Wow! I am so flattered with your support of my story. Bless you, Missy, my dear friend.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sorry it's taken me so long to review your post. But, they liked me so much at the hospital the first trip that, they made me come back for a longer visit. Glad to be out and reading your posts. :-)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Sorry it's taken me so long to review your post. But, they liked me so much at the hospital the first trip that, they made me come back for a longer visit. Glad to be out and reading your posts. :-)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Sorry to hear you were ill. Thank God you're out and back with us. And thank you for taking the time to read me after all you've been through.
Comment from pookietoo
I enjoyed reading this chapter in your book. I wish you luck in the chapters you write. I hope you are doing well. Smile and best wishes in all you do.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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I enjoyed reading this chapter in your book. I wish you luck in the chapters you write. I hope you are doing well. Smile and best wishes in all you do.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much. Blessings in the coming Holidays!
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You too
Comment from Soledadpaz
Maliciously territorial. Unique phrasing, vivid imagery.
Fear surging through his gut. Excellent phrasing.
Nicely done, with clearly depicted action scenes. Love that last sentence, a wealth of meaning in a few well-chosen words.
Sol
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Maliciously territorial. Unique phrasing, vivid imagery.
Fear surging through his gut. Excellent phrasing.
Nicely done, with clearly depicted action scenes. Love that last sentence, a wealth of meaning in a few well-chosen words.
Sol
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Sol. Glad you liked the phrasings and imagery.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Amahra,
To be very frank, I've never been interested in Fantasy Fiction, but today I intentionally started reading this piece and I liked to go ahead.
Undoubtedly, it's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction having lucid wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, depicting the scenes and situations in an interesting way.
Worth enjoying, and I think I may be able to understand the next parts better.
Style of writing and presentation is particularly noteworthy.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Hello Amahra,
To be very frank, I've never been interested in Fantasy Fiction, but today I intentionally started reading this piece and I liked to go ahead.
Undoubtedly, it's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction having lucid wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, depicting the scenes and situations in an interesting way.
Worth enjoying, and I think I may be able to understand the next parts better.
Style of writing and presentation is particularly noteworthy.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much, RP. I really appreciate your review.
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Amahra, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from RGstar
Good to see this Amhara.
I never like reviewing things I can never give full justice to, as have not been following, yet, I wanted to come and support and have the pleasure of reading as I also love the genre.
Nicely done and well in control.
I hope to see your poems soon again.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Good to see this Amhara.
I never like reviewing things I can never give full justice to, as have not been following, yet, I wanted to come and support and have the pleasure of reading as I also love the genre.
Nicely done and well in control.
I hope to see your poems soon again.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support.
Comment from tfawcus
Gangus and his tribe certainly need to keep their wits about them. Never a dull moment! Loved the bit about the Engamars' delaying tactics so they could enjoy more gifts of wine!
A few edits you might consider:
Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine (find?)
"No, we're not!" (the) head scout shot back.
When Gangus learned the region proved rich with iron ore, he praised the gods for the fine (find?) and the safety of his scouts
the women were much [more well-] (better) received than the scouts,
It had been well over a year since the settlers [stepped] (set) foot upon Bethican soil.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Gangus and his tribe certainly need to keep their wits about them. Never a dull moment! Loved the bit about the Engamars' delaying tactics so they could enjoy more gifts of wine!
A few edits you might consider:
Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine (find?)
"No, we're not!" (the) head scout shot back.
When Gangus learned the region proved rich with iron ore, he praised the gods for the fine (find?) and the safety of his scouts
the women were much [more well-] (better) received than the scouts,
It had been well over a year since the settlers [stepped] (set) foot upon Bethican soil.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much for the review and for catching these mistakes. I really appreciate your continued interest in my story.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another interesting chapter, Amahra. It has some tension and then some peace. The town is growing and new building happening. But now there seems to be another challenge and we wonder where their people have disappeared to. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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This is another interesting chapter, Amahra. It has some tension and then some peace. The town is growing and new building happening. But now there seems to be another challenge and we wonder where their people have disappeared to. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Judy. I'm glad you liked this chapter.
Comment from Jay Squires
Another fine chapter, Amahra. You never stop astounding me with how exquisitely you write fantasy fiction. That is quite a gift.
A few notes:
Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine, ["... their exquisite find." Though I modified my suggestion with what I discovered the next time I encountered your "fine", I do think in this first instance, it is the FINDING of their "fine" that holds the emphasis.]
he praised the gods for the fine and the safety of his scouts. [Again, the use of fine. I looked it up ... and sure enough I came across, "very small particles found in mining, milling, etc." So I will stop pestering you with it, LOL.]
The Volarian men, never having seen them looking so feminine before, licked their lips [But still, they had beards shorter than their male counterpart ... I guess hips hold sway over hairy body parts.]
by being the first of the humanoid tribes in Bethica to add wine to women and song. [Good humorous touch.]
were natural marksmen with the bow and could calculate wind and distance rapidly than any other creature. [... distance (MORE) rapidly than any other creature.]
I'm excited where this is going and the implicit time constraint that the enemy getting ever closer imposes on them, adding to the tension. Excellent job, as usual.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Another fine chapter, Amahra. You never stop astounding me with how exquisitely you write fantasy fiction. That is quite a gift.
A few notes:
Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine, ["... their exquisite find." Though I modified my suggestion with what I discovered the next time I encountered your "fine", I do think in this first instance, it is the FINDING of their "fine" that holds the emphasis.]
he praised the gods for the fine and the safety of his scouts. [Again, the use of fine. I looked it up ... and sure enough I came across, "very small particles found in mining, milling, etc." So I will stop pestering you with it, LOL.]
The Volarian men, never having seen them looking so feminine before, licked their lips [But still, they had beards shorter than their male counterpart ... I guess hips hold sway over hairy body parts.]
by being the first of the humanoid tribes in Bethica to add wine to women and song. [Good humorous touch.]
were natural marksmen with the bow and could calculate wind and distance rapidly than any other creature. [... distance (MORE) rapidly than any other creature.]
I'm excited where this is going and the implicit time constraint that the enemy getting ever closer imposes on them, adding to the tension. Excellent job, as usual.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Hey, Jay thank you so much for sticking with my story....and of course for the stars. However, while your other suggestions are good the one below puzzles me:
The Volarian men, never having seen them looking so feminine before, licked their lips [But still, they had beards shorter than their male counterpart ... I guess hips hold sway over hairy body parts.]
The Volarian men were licking their lips at the Domarian women soldiers, not the bearded Engamar women. Gangus sent the Domarian soldiers dressed like ordinary women to fool the Engamars into thinking the women were sent unprotected. You forget the Domarian women are nearly 6 feet tall, muscular, and fight like men. In case something went wrong, Gangus hoped the Domarian female soldiers might hold the Engamars at bay while the Volarian women escaped.
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Now I understand. I think I just let my attention lapse for a moment. It was just than image that the women's beards were shorter than the men's carried through the entire chapter and by then I woulda put a beard on Marilyn Monroe.
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LOL No problem.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Wow! What an adventure! This is way too long and involved to keep my interest yet there were parts that achieved real success for the different tribes! I am not into sci-fi and I do not like mythology remakes so, I am sorry but I have little to say about this chapter.
You appear a great writer with very much spiff to add to the characters you play! My only wish is that this was shorter and more to the point! That way I could gleen more of what is going on and paint a better picture for you of what you most likely want to hear!
Do you get my drift? Anyway, thank you for letting me go on this way and sharing my two cents worth with you. You are a bold writer and one that deserves much celebratory claims!
Take good care of yourself my brother and let the sunshine come to your side of the fence!
Jesse
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Wow! What an adventure! This is way too long and involved to keep my interest yet there were parts that achieved real success for the different tribes! I am not into sci-fi and I do not like mythology remakes so, I am sorry but I have little to say about this chapter.
You appear a great writer with very much spiff to add to the characters you play! My only wish is that this was shorter and more to the point! That way I could gleen more of what is going on and paint a better picture for you of what you most likely want to hear!
Do you get my drift? Anyway, thank you for letting me go on this way and sharing my two cents worth with you. You are a bold writer and one that deserves much celebratory claims!
Take good care of yourself my brother and let the sunshine come to your side of the fence!
Jesse
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you for your review.
