While Seen by Others
A 5-7-5-7-7 poem5 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
I like this poem. It triggers all kinds of questions. It makes me think that the way they are relating at this moment is because others are around and so their interaction is very different than it would be if they knew they were alone. As to how it might be different, I haven't a clue. It's nicely portrayed, though.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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I like this poem. It triggers all kinds of questions. It makes me think that the way they are relating at this moment is because others are around and so their interaction is very different than it would be if they knew they were alone. As to how it might be different, I haven't a clue. It's nicely portrayed, though.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your review and insight.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is an interesting tanka poem.
The syllables are in check and the story behind the words
leads the reader to believe it is of a love gone wrong then
rekindled. I'm not too sure what the title means to this
write. It seems to only relate to the picture. It is a nice
black and white photo though. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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This is an interesting tanka poem.
The syllables are in check and the story behind the words
leads the reader to believe it is of a love gone wrong then
rekindled. I'm not too sure what the title means to this
write. It seems to only relate to the picture. It is a nice
black and white photo though. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your review and insight.
Comment from Mama Baer
Oooo! I want to know more! Your carefully selected words conjure all sorts of images and imaginings! What was he hiding? What did they say? I really like the photo you selected to accompany your poem, too. Well done!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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Oooo! I want to know more! Your carefully selected words conjure all sorts of images and imaginings! What was he hiding? What did they say? I really like the photo you selected to accompany your poem, too. Well done!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your review and insightful words.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A 5-7-5-7-7 poem
While Seen by Others
by Mark Schardine
Nice tanka. Good syllables count. The connection between lines can be improved.
(Delete) {add}
She found him again
{and} spoke to him of (his) past words{.}
Her smooth hands grasped him
{and} he said a few {soft} words
as if to hide a secret.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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A 5-7-5-7-7 poem
While Seen by Others
by Mark Schardine
Nice tanka. Good syllables count. The connection between lines can be improved.
(Delete) {add}
She found him again
{and} spoke to him of (his) past words{.}
Her smooth hands grasped him
{and} he said a few {soft} words
as if to hide a secret.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your review and suggestions, which I will consider.
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I made the changes and will promote it.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
This has an aura of mystery...what is the secret? I love mysteries. Is this a one-time poem or part of a saga? You have presented it very well and I shall watch for more.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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This has an aura of mystery...what is the secret? I love mysteries. Is this a one-time poem or part of a saga? You have presented it very well and I shall watch for more.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
It is a one-time poem.
