Black Death
A horror story 250 words6 total reviews
Comment from Mama Baer
Oooo! Very eerie! Love the spooky details. I am in awe of your creative imagination. I have yet to try my hand at a piece of fiction. (This piece IS fiction, right? hehe). Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
  |
Oooo! Very eerie! Love the spooky details. I am in awe of your creative imagination. I have yet to try my hand at a piece of fiction. (This piece IS fiction, right? hehe). Very nicely done.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Hi Mama Bear, Thanks for your review and yes seeing an old grave in bushland gave me this idea ha ha
Cheers
Cheers
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a good entry for the - Horror 250 words or less - contest.
It is suspenseful and held the readers attention to the end.
Just a few minor grammar edits - as shown in ( ).
Folklore()tells the story of a young migrant girl()who travelled from Europe with her parents to Australia()years ago to make a new life. Unfortunately(,) this girl had been infected with the plague known as the 'black death' and died not long after arrival.
... Tom()decided to see if this story was true and if indeed there was a body buried.
... "Cut it out(,)" Tom said to Jack.
... Suddenly(,) the ground opened up.
Well done. Good luck in the competition and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
|
This is a good entry for the - Horror 250 words or less - contest.
It is suspenseful and held the readers attention to the end.
Just a few minor grammar edits - as shown in ( ).
Folklore()tells the story of a young migrant girl()who travelled from Europe with her parents to Australia()years ago to make a new life. Unfortunately(,) this girl had been infected with the plague known as the 'black death' and died not long after arrival.
... Tom()decided to see if this story was true and if indeed there was a body buried.
... "Cut it out(,)" Tom said to Jack.
... Suddenly(,) the ground opened up.
Well done. Good luck in the competition and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
-
Hi DD, Thanks for your review and helpful suggestions re grammar and punctuation. I have made the corrections and hope it now reads more smoothly. Cheers
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
There are a couple of holes in the plot, but these can be put down to length restrictions, and willing readers will fill in the gaps themselves. Overall it is a well done effort, and I think it could be a good kernel for a longer piece in the future.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
|
There are a couple of holes in the plot, but these can be put down to length restrictions, and willing readers will fill in the gaps themselves. Overall it is a well done effort, and I think it could be a good kernel for a longer piece in the future.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
-
Hi Katherine, Thank you for your review and yes it is sometimes hard to cut back on words, I originally wrote a lot more but due to word count this is my best effort. Fun to try these
Cheers
Comment from Jay Squires
I've found the best stories come with the truth when it has been lightly embellished by the creative imagination following the dictum: What If. Your What If led to a whopper of a tale. Unless the explanation in the Author's Words is necessary, I would delete it for the contest. My experience has been that judges prefer to let the story tell itself. If you keep it, you may want to clean up the extra garbage that the EditNazi throws in any time you use quote marks or apostrophes.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
|
I've found the best stories come with the truth when it has been lightly embellished by the creative imagination following the dictum: What If. Your What If led to a whopper of a tale. Unless the explanation in the Author's Words is necessary, I would delete it for the contest. My experience has been that judges prefer to let the story tell itself. If you keep it, you may want to clean up the extra garbage that the EditNazi throws in any time you use quote marks or apostrophes.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
-
Thanks Jay or your review and advice re authors notes etc yes all deleted the story will stay alone
Cheers
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Horror and Thriller Flash Fiction speaks almost true events, ideas taken from folklore, the grave of the girl died of black death is still there, no trace after digging up; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
|
This Horror and Thriller Flash Fiction speaks almost true events, ideas taken from folklore, the grave of the girl died of black death is still there, no trace after digging up; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
-
Hi AlCREATOR
Many thanks for your review and Pleased to have your comments
Cheers
Comment from blondie560
Yeah, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near that grave on that farm. Especially in the dark. I hope your entry stays in the contest. I wrote a contest entry a while ago and it was disqualified from it because they said it was true and not fiction. It was fiction based on a true story and I mentioned that in my author notes, but it wasn't allowed. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
|
Yeah, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near that grave on that farm. Especially in the dark. I hope your entry stays in the contest. I wrote a contest entry a while ago and it was disqualified from it because they said it was true and not fiction. It was fiction based on a true story and I mentioned that in my author notes, but it wasn't allowed. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
-
Hi blondie , Thank you for your review and advice re fiction / truth
I have removed my follow up authors notes so here?s hoping it stays in. Cheers
