Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Football Chapter 25 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from NABattaglia
So I am learning and working on my craft, and trying to pick things from other people's writing to learn. One thing I noticed about yours that I like a lot is how you set up dialogue a little differently. Sometimes it is at the start of a sentence right away with the quotes, and other times it is at the end of the sentence after being introduced. You also use italics and thoughts well. Thanks for sharing this piece, it is very good and enjoyable! Great work :)
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
  |
So I am learning and working on my craft, and trying to pick things from other people's writing to learn. One thing I noticed about yours that I like a lot is how you set up dialogue a little differently. Sometimes it is at the start of a sentence right away with the quotes, and other times it is at the end of the sentence after being introduced. You also use italics and thoughts well. Thanks for sharing this piece, it is very good and enjoyable! Great work :)
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the encouragement. I prefer to use dialogue because I am showing instead of telling.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello BARBARA.WILKEY,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction in continuation having lucid as well as PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting the 'Hospital Scene' in a natural way - just like 'live description!'
The role of Katherine and Gabriel is particularly noteworthy.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
 |
Hello BARBARA.WILKEY,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction in continuation having lucid as well as PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting the 'Hospital Scene' in a natural way - just like 'live description!'
The role of Katherine and Gabriel is particularly noteworthy.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
-
Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
For some weird reason I thought I'd read this post. I think my senior moments are coming far too often these days.
This was such a dramatic part to your story, and you wrote Katherine's reaction to her son's accident perfectly. Blaming Gabriel was instinctive. But then her son wakes up and she realises that it was Jordan's fault. Now to see how long it will take her to talk to Gabriel again. Humble pie is needed!! Well done, Barbara, a really excellent part. I owe you a six!!! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
|
For some weird reason I thought I'd read this post. I think my senior moments are coming far too often these days.
This was such a dramatic part to your story, and you wrote Katherine's reaction to her son's accident perfectly. Blaming Gabriel was instinctive. But then her son wakes up and she realises that it was Jordan's fault. Now to see how long it will take her to talk to Gabriel again. Humble pie is needed!! Well done, Barbara, a really excellent part. I owe you a six!!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
-
LOL Thank you for the encouragement. Katherine knows she wrong.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
A football play/scenario that probably sounds way too real. How many times do we see this kind of thing happening? So glad the ending turned out alright.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
|
A football play/scenario that probably sounds way too real. How many times do we see this kind of thing happening? So glad the ending turned out alright.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for sharing. I was listening to the radio,
Iheartradio this morning while cleaning my kitchen and they were advertising a podcast. It said there are people killed from playing football than shark attacks in the US. I thought that was interesting.
Comment from ShirleyT1
What an emotional story chapter. I'm rooting for Gabriel! The past hurts in Katherine's past are portrayed well by your well-written words, giving her layers of character. I enjoy reading your story chapters.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
|
What an emotional story chapter. I'm rooting for Gabriel! The past hurts in Katherine's past are portrayed well by your well-written words, giving her layers of character. I enjoy reading your story chapters.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Sanku
My God ! My heart was fluttering as I read through this .And finally I heaved a sigh of relief.Typical of boys ,the first thing to come to his mind is his game...Very well written,
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
|
My God ! My heart was fluttering as I read through this .And finally I heaved a sigh of relief.Typical of boys ,the first thing to come to his mind is his game...Very well written,
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
-
Sure is. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
It brought back a few moments when a boy played football and got the stuffing knocked out of me. I played in the backfield, and oh! Those tackles can put you down. Good one, Barb. Typical mother's response
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
|
It brought back a few moments when a boy played football and got the stuffing knocked out of me. I played in the backfield, and oh! Those tackles can put you down. Good one, Barb. Typical mother's response
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the encouraging review. As a mother of 4 boys who all played football, I understand injuries.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Anything out of the ordinary with a mother's child is risky business if you want to stay on her good side. LOL. But I never figured you would let the injury carry on for too long. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
|
Anything out of the ordinary with a mother's child is risky business if you want to stay on her good side. LOL. But I never figured you would let the injury carry on for too long. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
-
Thank you for the kind review. Having raised 4 boys, who played football, I do understand.
Comment from Jay Squires
Phew! That was an intense scene, touch-and-go until Jordan opened his eyes. You scared me because last week you mentioned in a comment to me that you knew of a high school boy who was paralyzed from a football injury. I'm glad you're too much a romantic at heart to let that happen to Jordan.
"We did fourteen-to-fifteen." [I've mentioned this before, and it's really inconsequential, but your story is the only one where I've heard a score delivered with the losing points first. I've played sports and watched sports, and I'm sure a coach would announce, "We did, fifteen to fourteen."]
Her eyes met Gabriel's as she pointed toward Jordan's room. "I hope Jordan lying in that bed, is worth the win. Another one under your belt." She walked away. [Wow! That's icy!]
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
|
Phew! That was an intense scene, touch-and-go until Jordan opened his eyes. You scared me because last week you mentioned in a comment to me that you knew of a high school boy who was paralyzed from a football injury. I'm glad you're too much a romantic at heart to let that happen to Jordan.
"We did fourteen-to-fifteen." [I've mentioned this before, and it's really inconsequential, but your story is the only one where I've heard a score delivered with the losing points first. I've played sports and watched sports, and I'm sure a coach would announce, "We did, fifteen to fourteen."]
Her eyes met Gabriel's as she pointed toward Jordan's room. "I hope Jordan lying in that bed, is worth the win. Another one under your belt." She walked away. [Wow! That's icy!]
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
-
Yes, very icy!! I have always heard the home teams score last. Maybe it's an area thing. I don't know. I will do more research. Thank you.
Comment from J.R. Michael
Coming in cold and late. Having said that I still enjoyed the piece. It was paced well and, more importantly, the dialogue felt real and believable. You intelligently displayed the complex dynamics of the myriad of relationships at hand and the difficulty navigating them when unexpected pressure arises. Well done and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
|
Coming in cold and late. Having said that I still enjoyed the piece. It was paced well and, more importantly, the dialogue felt real and believable. You intelligently displayed the complex dynamics of the myriad of relationships at hand and the difficulty navigating them when unexpected pressure arises. Well done and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
