My Forever Hawk.
A contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This may be after the fact but I noticed Barbara caught you on your use of that. She said the same thing to me and I went through to see in my book I was writing at the time how many times I used that. It was like 139 out of probably3000 words, really bad. Now I have a little alarm go off in my head when I use the word that. I just erased 2 in this review. bwaaa
*******Now your story
thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I feel by us recording our painful memories we help others to heal. They don't feel so along. I am thinking fondly of you at this time and send healing on all levels where needed.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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This may be after the fact but I noticed Barbara caught you on your use of that. She said the same thing to me and I went through to see in my book I was writing at the time how many times I used that. It was like 139 out of probably3000 words, really bad. Now I have a little alarm go off in my head when I use the word that. I just erased 2 in this review. bwaaa
*******Now your story
thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I feel by us recording our painful memories we help others to heal. They don't feel so along. I am thinking fondly of you at this time and send healing on all levels where needed.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much Liz for reading, reviewing and your kind comments.
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So good you are in my life
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You are so welcome, Liz.
Comment from Jill McCauslin
Wow, what a moving story. Your aunt and uncle sound like great surrogate parents and a short but sweet romance with Hawk. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you regained your sight. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Wow, what a moving story. Your aunt and uncle sound like great surrogate parents and a short but sweet romance with Hawk. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you regained your sight. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Jill, for reading, reviewing and your kind comments and wishes.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mystery Writer.
The story is filled with tragedy and yet there was also joy. It's hard for the two to intermingle. The anticipation of being married builds up to the happy time and a short time later life moves in a different direction.
The story is well told as the rising action goes from disappointment to a happy time and the falling action of the story shows the great disappointment and sorrow. The story is sewn together very well and it is easy to read and comprehend. That is the key to writing successful creative, nonfiction.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Hello Mystery Writer.
The story is filled with tragedy and yet there was also joy. It's hard for the two to intermingle. The anticipation of being married builds up to the happy time and a short time later life moves in a different direction.
The story is well told as the rising action goes from disappointment to a happy time and the falling action of the story shows the great disappointment and sorrow. The story is sewn together very well and it is easy to read and comprehend. That is the key to writing successful creative, nonfiction.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much Robert for reading, reviewing, your kind comments and good luck wishes.
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You're welcome. 😁
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I loved reading this contest entry. It is what true love is all about. Thank you for sharing it with us and good luck with the contest.
It was a time that I truly needed. ('that' is an unneeded extra word)
Then he would secret me away to marry Clayton. (Not sure this sentence works.)
What I hadn't realized was that it was not the hardship that Clayton had made it out to be. Three years before, after he met me, he had decided that he was going to persuade George that he really wanted to marry me. He just had to wait for me to grow up a little. (You need to omit every 'that' in this paragraph)
know that I am watching over you (again 'that')
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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I loved reading this contest entry. It is what true love is all about. Thank you for sharing it with us and good luck with the contest.
It was a time that I truly needed. ('that' is an unneeded extra word)
Then he would secret me away to marry Clayton. (Not sure this sentence works.)
What I hadn't realized was that it was not the hardship that Clayton had made it out to be. Three years before, after he met me, he had decided that he was going to persuade George that he really wanted to marry me. He just had to wait for me to grow up a little. (You need to omit every 'that' in this paragraph)
know that I am watching over you (again 'that')
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and your great comments and wishes, Barbara. I will fix this shortly.
Comment from Mary Shifman
What a beautiful story. It's a wonderful thing to have such a connection. I too lost someone I loved very much, but I don't have such a visual reminder. Still, I have memories and songs that remind me of him. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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What a beautiful story. It's a wonderful thing to have such a connection. I too lost someone I loved very much, but I don't have such a visual reminder. Still, I have memories and songs that remind me of him. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so very much Mary for reading, reviewing and your kind comments.
Comment from MAMONIA
I was interested enough that I read to the end of the story. But, it was quite confusing. It seems you were rambling on, repeating yourself, but never truly explaining anything.
I don't know how your father died, how you lost your sight on the trip, or even how your husband died. You failed to explain how.
This is quite an important piece to the story and you left out a Chunk!
First, you have to go back, reread it and clarify it. Then submit it again.
My best
Marie
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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I was interested enough that I read to the end of the story. But, it was quite confusing. It seems you were rambling on, repeating yourself, but never truly explaining anything.
I don't know how your father died, how you lost your sight on the trip, or even how your husband died. You failed to explain how.
This is quite an important piece to the story and you left out a Chunk!
First, you have to go back, reread it and clarify it. Then submit it again.
My best
Marie
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for reviewing and your great comments.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your contest entry. You did a great job with it though it is poignant. How sad about your mother, but I'm thrilled that you and Clayton found each other. Your story progresses well with great details. I like the memories associated with seeing/hearing hawks. Your image is perfect.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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I enjoyed your contest entry. You did a great job with it though it is poignant. How sad about your mother, but I'm thrilled that you and Clayton found each other. Your story progresses well with great details. I like the memories associated with seeing/hearing hawks. Your image is perfect.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and your kind comments and wishes.
Comment from lyenochka
Only three and a half weeks of loving bliss? And interestingly just three and a half years, you regained your sight. I can't believe all that you have been through in your young life. But I'm thankful that you shared this precious memory about Clayton and the special connection with hawks. Hope you do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Only three and a half weeks of loving bliss? And interestingly just three and a half years, you regained your sight. I can't believe all that you have been through in your young life. But I'm thankful that you shared this precious memory about Clayton and the special connection with hawks. Hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much Helen for reading, reviewing and your kind comments and wishes. Hugs.
Comment from Yardier
What a wonderful well written celebration of the heart in darkness.
Heartfelt, touching and real. I was there with you in your darkness seeking... seeking.... I am glad you found it for the rest of us to see. Heaven, yes. Clayton will be there as well as so many others.
"Yes, we'll gather at the river
The beautiful, the beautiful river
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God."
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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What a wonderful well written celebration of the heart in darkness.
Heartfelt, touching and real. I was there with you in your darkness seeking... seeking.... I am glad you found it for the rest of us to see. Heaven, yes. Clayton will be there as well as so many others.
"Yes, we'll gather at the river
The beautiful, the beautiful river
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God."
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much Yardier for reading, reviewing and your fantastic comments.
Comment from Beejay
I found this so moving, as I was nearing the end of your story my eyes were filling up. I can t believe that you were so lucky and so happy to find Clayton and then it was snatched from you . Good luck for the contest...let me know how you get on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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I found this so moving, as I was nearing the end of your story my eyes were filling up. I can t believe that you were so lucky and so happy to find Clayton and then it was snatched from you . Good luck for the contest...let me know how you get on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Thank you so very much Beejay for reading, reviewing and your amazing comments and good luck wishes. I definitely will let you know.
