The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Chronicles Of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
12 total reviews
Comment from AJ McCall
OH, MAN.
What a chapter! I mean besides the Drakes, the people themselves are beasts somewhat. I love your tone of voice in this story, it reminds me of the Lord Of the Rings trilogy. I want to know what happens next!! SO BADLY! lol. The dragon cannot be working alone. I need to know what happens.... SIX STARS!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
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OH, MAN.
What a chapter! I mean besides the Drakes, the people themselves are beasts somewhat. I love your tone of voice in this story, it reminds me of the Lord Of the Rings trilogy. I want to know what happens next!! SO BADLY! lol. The dragon cannot be working alone. I need to know what happens.... SIX STARS!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
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LORD OF THE RINGS? Oh, my goodness. You are too kind. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and six stars. You are very appreciated.
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Yes, LORD OF THE RINGS. You're welcome! I can tell by the way you wrote this you were smiling.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a fantastic story! I could sit down and read the whole thing if I had it in my hands. I would love to print the previous chapters, but alas, I still have no working printer. One day, though! This is a fast paced, amazing story with splendid imagery. You are an artist with words. I can't wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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This is a fantastic story! I could sit down and read the whole thing if I had it in my hands. I would love to print the previous chapters, but alas, I still have no working printer. One day, though! This is a fast paced, amazing story with splendid imagery. You are an artist with words. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Wow! Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I am flattered and also pleased you enjoyed this chapter. Blessings, my dear.
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You are so welcome. I look forward to reading more soon!
Comment from forestport12
You've taken power verbs to a new level, "Head vomiting fire." And then the dialogue comes out like hard jabs that keep the plot moving in those white spaces. I'm wondering if you were inspired in some way by C.S. Lewis. You are making me a fan of this genre.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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You've taken power verbs to a new level, "Head vomiting fire." And then the dialogue comes out like hard jabs that keep the plot moving in those white spaces. I'm wondering if you were inspired in some way by C.S. Lewis. You are making me a fan of this genre.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much. You know, you're the third person that's said something about my writing, and C. S. Lewis and I've never read him or really know who he is. But thank you just the same. I'm glad you liked the chapter.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Some fine descriptive writing that put me right in the middle of the action to see and feel what the characters must have seen and felt. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Some fine descriptive writing that put me right in the middle of the action to see and feel what the characters must have seen and felt. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Ric. I'm glad you liked the chapter.
Comment from justafan
I feel like I have aged waiting for this new chapter!! lol
It was well worth the wait, my friend.
You're so talented.
Another engaging chapter.
BRAVO
Always
Justafan of yours
MIssy
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I feel like I have aged waiting for this new chapter!! lol
It was well worth the wait, my friend.
You're so talented.
Another engaging chapter.
BRAVO
Always
Justafan of yours
MIssy
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you, my dear friend. I knew this would be a long one and it was the most difficult one to edit. I needed to do more reading and reviewing to put more money on it. I'm sorry if I took a while to post. Your review is always appreciated. Blessings!
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Wow! What imagery! I have missed out on earlier chapters. But this works well as a stand-alone story with its descriptions and characterization
I found the story absorbing. Good going. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Wow! What imagery! I have missed out on earlier chapters. But this works well as a stand-alone story with its descriptions and characterization
I found the story absorbing. Good going. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your review.Tha
Comment from Jay Squires
This is classicly beautiful in imagery, pace, and characterization. Everything gorgeous! (Will one small thing below, but not enough to rob you of a 6!
They stood half-circling Nahzi, one of the soldiers that were left guarding the ship. [... one of the soldiers that WAS left guarding the ship.]
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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This is classicly beautiful in imagery, pace, and characterization. Everything gorgeous! (Will one small thing below, but not enough to rob you of a 6!
They stood half-circling Nahzi, one of the soldiers that were left guarding the ship. [... one of the soldiers that WAS left guarding the ship.]
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Jay for your review, the stars, and the correction. But now that I've read it, should it be..."one of the soldiers [who] [was] instead of [that] [was]?
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Yes, that slipped past me. Who for animate, that for inanimate.
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Thanks, Jay!
Comment from J Patience
This story is quite enticing. You have just enough information about the situation, descriptions for visualization, and forming of characters to trundle me along and find out how events unfold. I find it very delightful and full of the promise of things to come. I like that the unusual humanoids, which might typically be elven or dwarfish in another story, are a new visual image in my mind for this plot. I am glad that the wolf-like creatures here aren't building another tired werewolf tale. The following of gods and eschewing of magic make for good conflict bases and, evidently, good positive turns of events.
All I found in the manner of critique were some commas. They are noted below. Thank you for this delightfully built and well-paced tale.
Notes -
and The victims of the creature's rage who survived, knelt weeping over their dead : comma isn't needed.
Sorry, we did not make it in time. : Comma not needed.
wasn't sure if it were wise for the Timbaknis to observe her using it. : Good job. Using "was" or "were" in a situation like this is usually not done right. You got it - I just wanted to note that it was noticed and appreciated.
Many lay with colorful pieces of cloth placed as death masks, over their faces. : comma not needed.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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This story is quite enticing. You have just enough information about the situation, descriptions for visualization, and forming of characters to trundle me along and find out how events unfold. I find it very delightful and full of the promise of things to come. I like that the unusual humanoids, which might typically be elven or dwarfish in another story, are a new visual image in my mind for this plot. I am glad that the wolf-like creatures here aren't building another tired werewolf tale. The following of gods and eschewing of magic make for good conflict bases and, evidently, good positive turns of events.
All I found in the manner of critique were some commas. They are noted below. Thank you for this delightfully built and well-paced tale.
Notes -
and The victims of the creature's rage who survived, knelt weeping over their dead : comma isn't needed.
Sorry, we did not make it in time. : Comma not needed.
wasn't sure if it were wise for the Timbaknis to observe her using it. : Good job. Using "was" or "were" in a situation like this is usually not done right. You got it - I just wanted to note that it was noticed and appreciated.
Many lay with colorful pieces of cloth placed as death masks, over their faces. : comma not needed.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review and the six stars. I cherish your critique and will make those corrections. And I appreciate your pointing out my correct grammar as well as my mistakes. No reviewer has ever done that before. That's a new one for me. :)
Comment from Judy Lawless
You have wonderful descriptions and imagery in your work, Amahra. This chapter is a good example. There is a lot happening, and none of it good it seems. There is a mystery to figure out. Great writing.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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You have wonderful descriptions and imagery in your work, Amahra. This chapter is a good example. There is a lot happening, and none of it good it seems. There is a mystery to figure out. Great writing.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Judy. I appreciate your review.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
You are doing a good job of world building. Although you use some made up words the text makes them clear. The story line is compelling. The flow is good. The feeling of the piece is consistent.
My only suggestion would be to find a way to show what is internal thought so it is obvious. Some people use italics.
Thank you for sharing. A good read.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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You are doing a good job of world building. Although you use some made up words the text makes them clear. The story line is compelling. The flow is good. The feeling of the piece is consistent.
My only suggestion would be to find a way to show what is internal thought so it is obvious. Some people use italics.
Thank you for sharing. A good read.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much. Yeah, that's what happens when I do last minuted edits just before posting. :) I'll go back and fix it.
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You are welcome.
