House of Pain.
4-line poem. 1-5-5-9. Contest entry.5 total reviews
Comment from pharp
AAQIB,
I have been in so much pain in my lifetime that I, too, do not wish to see its face.
Pain in any form of fashion can forget my address. This is an excellent entry for this Four Line writing prompt. Very creative and clever.
Thanks for sharing the very best to you in the contest.
Blessings...Portia
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AAQIB,
I have been in so much pain in my lifetime that I, too, do not wish to see its face.
Pain in any form of fashion can forget my address. This is an excellent entry for this Four Line writing prompt. Very creative and clever.
Thanks for sharing the very best to you in the contest.
Blessings...Portia
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
Comment from RodG
Good personification of Pain as someone the Speaker can address directly.
Good use of irony in line 2. Pain is hardly a "friend." More a constant companion--"a face I wish not to see."
Rod
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Good personification of Pain as someone the Speaker can address directly.
Good use of irony in line 2. Pain is hardly a "friend." More a constant companion--"a face I wish not to see."
Rod
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Punch to the gut--powerful, plain words--no pretension--thanks for that! This may be a winner--forget my address--clever--stunning closer well phrased.
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Punch to the gut--powerful, plain words--no pretension--thanks for that! This may be a winner--forget my address--clever--stunning closer well phrased.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I agree. No one wants to be anywhere near him, not to speak of seeing his face! This is an interesting poem. Unusual subject choice. My only suggestion is, make the fonts larger and colour lighter for easy reading:)
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I agree. No one wants to be anywhere near him, not to speak of seeing his face! This is an interesting poem. Unusual subject choice. My only suggestion is, make the fonts larger and colour lighter for easy reading:)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
Comment from kmoss
Here I am leaving you another review to respond to! Ha. Just when you were getting to them. This is a good entry for the four line contest. I like the second line a lot-old, sickly thing describes pain personally.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2021
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Here I am leaving you another review to respond to! Ha. Just when you were getting to them. This is a good entry for the four line contest. I like the second line a lot-old, sickly thing describes pain personally.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2021
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Haha, thank you Krystal. I am glad you liked this one as well. And yes, that is what I imagine pain would be like. Old, pale and sickly; with the power to make everyone it interacts with feel the same way.
Yeah, I hope this one does well. I never win FanStory contests though. Do better in member contests :-)