Danger
Could have been avoided5 total reviews
Comment from Dortmunder
Busting prostitutes in the 70's...that must have been a trip!
Glad you survived the harrowing experience. A couple of edit suggestions:
known for prostitution activity, we were on the third floor. - I would put a period after activity and start the next sentence with, We were on the third floor of....when we heard voices echoing up.
You did not do a great job of instilling the danger part of the scenario. Your partner had you by the ankles, sure, but the set-up didn't seem all that extraordinary, as though the situation was a usual one. I didn't feel your danger because you didn't seem to feel it yourself in the moment....
Anyway, just my opinion. Keep up the good work :)
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Busting prostitutes in the 70's...that must have been a trip!
Glad you survived the harrowing experience. A couple of edit suggestions:
known for prostitution activity, we were on the third floor. - I would put a period after activity and start the next sentence with, We were on the third floor of....when we heard voices echoing up.
You did not do a great job of instilling the danger part of the scenario. Your partner had you by the ankles, sure, but the set-up didn't seem all that extraordinary, as though the situation was a usual one. I didn't feel your danger because you didn't seem to feel it yourself in the moment....
Anyway, just my opinion. Keep up the good work :)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2021
Comment from pookietoo
I'm glad that Howard didn't drop you. You did a great job telling the story. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck to you and keep a smile on your face. Best wishes.
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I'm glad that Howard didn't drop you. You did a great job telling the story. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck to you and keep a smile on your face. Best wishes.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2021
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping, tight writing. Given that this isn't a flash contest, run this by those familiar with member contests to see if you should flesh this out. I like it fine as it is, not sure there's a general bias toward longer stories.
At that time, John's=>JOHNS (plural, no apostrophe) were not being arrested
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Gripping, tight writing. Given that this isn't a flash contest, run this by those familiar with member contests to see if you should flesh this out. I like it fine as it is, not sure there's a general bias toward longer stories.
At that time, John's=>JOHNS (plural, no apostrophe) were not being arrested
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
Comment from Terry Overton
First, thank you for your service. My son is a fire fighter and at a younger age I could see him putting himself right there in harms way because he also thought he was indestructible. Now, he is the captain and it is funny to hear him talk about his young bucks who do stupid things! Thoroughly enjoyed your story.
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First, thank you for your service. My son is a fire fighter and at a younger age I could see him putting himself right there in harms way because he also thought he was indestructible. Now, he is the captain and it is funny to hear him talk about his young bucks who do stupid things! Thoroughly enjoyed your story.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
Great plot. I would like to have heard more about how you experienced it in that moment, but that is just me. Good point about the invincibility illusion of youth.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Great plot. I would like to have heard more about how you experienced it in that moment, but that is just me. Good point about the invincibility illusion of youth.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Nancy, as I hung there, the only thing that was going through my mind was getting enough evidence to make an arrest. If I had been too concerned about the danger, I wouldn't have put myself in that position.
