End of Sleep
An Empat Empat poem26 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Yvonne, with your club challenge poem. The style was complex, yet you handled it well. Your topics well expressed with your well thought out words. Those words flow smoothly with excellent rhymes. They create great imagery, too. I could see everything you mentioned. Your poem give credence to all who have heard those strange, eerie noises in the night that wake us up, or keep us from sleeping. While we don't always, or never, know, what they are, it's unsettling. Your picture is a perfect accompaniment. Your repeated line fits in smoothly in all verse to help carry your spooky message.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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You did a great job, Yvonne, with your club challenge poem. The style was complex, yet you handled it well. Your topics well expressed with your well thought out words. Those words flow smoothly with excellent rhymes. They create great imagery, too. I could see everything you mentioned. Your poem give credence to all who have heard those strange, eerie noises in the night that wake us up, or keep us from sleeping. While we don't always, or never, know, what they are, it's unsettling. Your picture is a perfect accompaniment. Your repeated line fits in smoothly in all verse to help carry your spooky message.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much! I usually chalk any noises up to the cats. S
Comment from Ben Colder
It reminded me of my mother years ago when she would be up hunting boogers, as she called them. I see nothing wrong with this poem. I hope you win.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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It reminded me of my mother years ago when she would be up hunting boogers, as she called them. I see nothing wrong with this poem. I hope you win.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you. I seldom get up to check. My mother was afraid of every little sound, day or night.
Comment from Versch
What a lovely poem! I really enjoyed reading it. I love the rhymes and the refrain line 'What was that noise that ended sleep?', which is on the first line of the first stanza, second line on the second stanza, third line on the third stanza and fourth line on the fourth and last stanza. Very clever.
The rhythm is perfect, it flows well throughout. Excellent job!
Best wishes,
Versch
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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What a lovely poem! I really enjoyed reading it. I love the rhymes and the refrain line 'What was that noise that ended sleep?', which is on the first line of the first stanza, second line on the second stanza, third line on the third stanza and fourth line on the fourth and last stanza. Very clever.
The rhythm is perfect, it flows well throughout. Excellent job!
Best wishes,
Versch
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you. I appreciate that.
Comment from lyenochka
You always know just how to employ a new form. To tell that kind of story about a worry using this pantoum-like repetition is perfect! The unease grows with each stanza and by morning we'll never know "what was that noise that ended sleep!"
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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You always know just how to employ a new form. To tell that kind of story about a worry using this pantoum-like repetition is perfect! The unease grows with each stanza and by morning we'll never know "what was that noise that ended sleep!"
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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It can be spooky, can't it? I always blame the cats. lol. Thanks, Helen, for this wonderful review.
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed this one, Yvonne. It seems to be a form related to the Pantoum, which came from the same part of the world. Yours creates something of that atmosphere of confusion one has when awakened suddenly from a deep sleep.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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I enjoyed this one, Yvonne. It seems to be a form related to the Pantoum, which came from the same part of the world. Yours creates something of that atmosphere of confusion one has when awakened suddenly from a deep sleep.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you, Tony. I'm glad you saw that. How are things in Adelaide?
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good poem about something that has undoubtedly awoken many a sleeper. It has a pattern that I've don't remember seeing before, but I quite like it, although too often it's a nightmare I'm trying to shake off.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Good poem about something that has undoubtedly awoken many a sleeper. It has a pattern that I've don't remember seeing before, but I quite like it, although too often it's a nightmare I'm trying to shake off.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Thank you. If I ever nightmares, I don't remember them. Thank goodness for that. 8-)
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Have them a lot, remember them too well, and new medication means my husband has been awakened twice this month with me screaming my head off. Should be a horror writer.
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Good idea. Put those bad dreams to good use. 8-)
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I don't read horror stories. That's other peoples nightmares and I have enough of my own.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I really like this style. Isn't it also called a quatern? There may be differences I didn't pick up on. I've had the experience you have so vividly and skillfully described--that sound that wakes me up. What WAS it?!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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I really like this style. Isn't it also called a quatern? There may be differences I didn't pick up on. I've had the experience you have so vividly and skillfully described--that sound that wakes me up. What WAS it?!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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It's spooky, isn't it, when you don't know what it was. Thanks, Janice.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I am totally lost on this piece, not for the content which is perfect, but for the form. Being gone, I have lost out on different styles. I tried to follow the rules but I just would rather say, it is a wonderful piece with excellent rhyme and flow
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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I am totally lost on this piece, not for the content which is perfect, but for the form. Being gone, I have lost out on different styles. I tried to follow the rules but I just would rather say, it is a wonderful piece with excellent rhyme and flow
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Thank you. It was fun to do.
Comment from Pantygynt
Given that the nights in Malaysia are hot and steamy, sleep is not easily come by so the noises of the night really do tend to drive sleep away. Then there are the jungle noises. The night there is seldom peaceful.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Given that the nights in Malaysia are hot and steamy, sleep is not easily come by so the noises of the night really do tend to drive sleep away. Then there are the jungle noises. The night there is seldom peaceful.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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I guess so. However, things go bump in the night everywhere. Thanks, Jim.
Comment from T B Botts
I'm giving this a six because I found it to be such a delight to read. I can relate to what you've mentioned. Noises in the night can be unnerving when we can't isolate them. I have a vivid imagination and always it goes to worse case scenarios. Fortunately, my fears never come true. Well done gal. Have a great day.
Tom
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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I'm giving this a six because I found it to be such a delight to read. I can relate to what you've mentioned. Noises in the night can be unnerving when we can't isolate them. I have a vivid imagination and always it goes to worse case scenarios. Fortunately, my fears never come true. Well done gal. Have a great day.
Tom
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much! You're right, usually we don't know what it is and just go back to sleep.
