The Fae Nation
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Fauns"Still just a germ of an idea that the moment
4 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Bob, my darling,
Another delightful chap. Thanks so much. It's crazy how I enjoy this when I do not like fantasy. *smile*
Some notes:
1.) ensure any new person they met knew Peter was a leprechaun.
--> ...thought Peter was a lep...?
2.) The female faun that had let them in nodded from the doorway and turned.
--> would this be a 'who' situation?
3.) She turned and turned off the gas.
--> did you want 'turn' x2?
4.) when Peter is questioning her I was surprised that he didn't go back to one of her original statements. . . "Some of us can. Others need help. We got to stick together, you know?"
--> so others pay to help the ones who can't. Why? Because something bad might happen to them otherwise...?
Intriguing! And onward!
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2021
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Bob, my darling,
Another delightful chap. Thanks so much. It's crazy how I enjoy this when I do not like fantasy. *smile*
Some notes:
1.) ensure any new person they met knew Peter was a leprechaun.
--> ...thought Peter was a lep...?
2.) The female faun that had let them in nodded from the doorway and turned.
--> would this be a 'who' situation?
3.) She turned and turned off the gas.
--> did you want 'turn' x2?
4.) when Peter is questioning her I was surprised that he didn't go back to one of her original statements. . . "Some of us can. Others need help. We got to stick together, you know?"
--> so others pay to help the ones who can't. Why? Because something bad might happen to them otherwise...?
Intriguing! And onward!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2021
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1) I think I'll stick with knew, as most people think he's a dwarf
2) I thought about this. I'm still in two minds. Is a half-goat a she or an it, plus the whole dehumanizing theme of the book. I don't know. I suspect I shall change it several times and still not be happy.
3) guilty as charged.
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Then let me throw something else at you. Would Peter, as a leppy, count as a 'who', then, too? Or not?
Cause whether you realize it or not, PETER thinks he is. See:
"Please, as a favour. Don't let me be the only one WHO'S bored stupid."
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The term 'leppy' is considered offensive in the Fae community. Please reconsider your language.
Fair point, I'll think on it.
Comment from Adri7enne
How sweet! Peter is turning on the charm for Oinia. "Wine-dark" "Ah, an intoxicating name for an intoxicating woman." Coming on strong, too. Lol! So we're going to have a love interest. A faun and a leprechaun. A challenging match. Lol! I love your characters. I'm wondering if you have a vague notion of a plot when you start out or do you just create the characters and let them play it out? A good read, Bob. Is it very hot in Portugal these days? It's 30 C. here today. Heat warnings on all the media. Grateful for the air conditioning. Hope you're comfortable too.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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How sweet! Peter is turning on the charm for Oinia. "Wine-dark" "Ah, an intoxicating name for an intoxicating woman." Coming on strong, too. Lol! So we're going to have a love interest. A faun and a leprechaun. A challenging match. Lol! I love your characters. I'm wondering if you have a vague notion of a plot when you start out or do you just create the characters and let them play it out? A good read, Bob. Is it very hot in Portugal these days? It's 30 C. here today. Heat warnings on all the media. Grateful for the air conditioning. Hope you're comfortable too.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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I think he's just laying it on thick for the information.
I had some plot points when I started, plus a general theme (ghettos of undesirables, prejudice, etc.) I've got a couple more plot points/character developments not yet reached. But yeah, for the most part I just sit back and see where my characters are going.
It as the mid 30s at the weekend, mid 20s today but climbing during the week. We have half-metre stone walls in the house, shutters for when it gets really hot and a pool, so I'm good, thanks. Every now and then I'll take an afternoon nap in the hammock at the bottom of the garden, under the firs. Life is hard.
Thanks as ever for reading
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A pool is nice. Lol! I have the ocean at the end of my lane but my land is a mile deep so I use the car. When it's hot like today I stay close to the air conditioning. Yes, I think most writers have a vague idea but mostly the characters write the story. Sometimes it works, sometimes they just don't seem to know what's next. Lol! You seem to write your way out most of the time. I still enjoy reading you.
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There's a lake beach about a kilometre away that all the locals go to on hot weekends. The problem is it's all downhill so it's a real slog going back home.
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Stick to the pool and the hammock. I want you to hang around and entertain me for many years to come. Lol! Yeah, it's all about me. Lol!
Comment from lancellot
Good chapter. Peter was thinking the same thing I was.
Notes:
"Alekos." {Peter }gave the faun's hand a cursory shake.
"And this is?"
"Peter," said{ Peter.}
- Elmwood
Does it mean{ anything.?"}
- remove period
Close to he could smell a strange mix of musk and lavender.
- look at this line
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2021
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Good chapter. Peter was thinking the same thing I was.
Notes:
"Alekos." {Peter }gave the faun's hand a cursory shake.
"And this is?"
"Peter," said{ Peter.}
- Elmwood
Does it mean{ anything.?"}
- remove period
Close to he could smell a strange mix of musk and lavender.
- look at this line
Comment Written 25-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2021
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Thanks for the review and spag
Comment from Bonnie Seach
The story is well written with dialogue skilfully line spaced. Clarity is excellent. Characters stand out. The story advances with conviction. The layout is pleasing
Work needed as follows:
Peter," said Peter.
It is unnecessary to say *said Peter*
"he said" is adequate and avoids confusion for the reader
Peter leaned in. Close *to he could smell a strange mix of
Adjustment needed here
*she whispered, twisting off the lid to reveal the treasure inside
New sentence must begin with upper case
All the best
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2021
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The story is well written with dialogue skilfully line spaced. Clarity is excellent. Characters stand out. The story advances with conviction. The layout is pleasing
Work needed as follows:
Peter," said Peter.
It is unnecessary to say *said Peter*
"he said" is adequate and avoids confusion for the reader
Peter leaned in. Close *to he could smell a strange mix of
Adjustment needed here
*she whispered, twisting off the lid to reveal the treasure inside
New sentence must begin with upper case
All the best
Comment Written 25-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2021
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Thanks for the review and spag.
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👆👍🏻😊
