Reviews from

The Things I Do For Love

Short story about what people will do for love.

11 total reviews 
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
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This begins sounding like a somewhat crazy man. I can't understand how New Yorkers can totally ignore a man so oddly dressed. It shows the love of this father for his daughter to dress up like a fairy.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
dragonpoet

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
    Thank you. Fathers do crazy things for their daughters. Stay well.
reply by dragonpoet on 28-Jun-2021
    No problem, yes they do.
    dp
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Excellent
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What a beautiful story! It appears to be fiction, since your name "AliMom" strongly suggests that you're a woman, and the story is from a father's perspective. It's a wonderful tale about a dad who delights his little girl with his ballerina impersonation, and well timed around Father's Day.

I have a few suggestions for changes in the grammar:

and across the lobby to the elevators but nobody even gave me a second glance as I hustled through.
-->
and across the lobby to the elevators, but nobody even gave me a second glance as I hustled through.

The downside is that the costume had already begun to itch and sweat began to trickle ...
-->
The downside is that the costume had already begun to itch, and sweat began to trickle ...

Good old pair of sneakers would have done the job just as well, "I said".
-->
A good old pair of sneakers would have done the job just as well, I told myself.

and she loves everybody as her owner will happily tell you.
-->
and she loves everybody, as her owner will happily tell you.

I swear I can hear the theme from Mission Impossible. Probably someone's television.
-->
I swear I can hear the theme from Mission Impossible--probably someone's television.

"Yeah, Dad", smiles my eldest, "Only two more to go."
-->
"Yeah, Dad," smiles my eldest, "Only two more to go."

***

I'm not sure what to make of the eldest daughter's statement, "Only two more to go."
What does this mean? Does he have a certain number of daughters he does this for, every year? Or did he do this for some of his daughters, and now he must do this for the birthdays of the next two?

There were some very cute and endearing moments in this story. The presence of the little dog, Fluffy, was very funny. And the idea of all those little girls swarming the man in his "Princess Happy Time" costume is adorable. If only there were a picture of this hulking guy, complete with tutu and mask, with the painted-on smile (sigh). But your story paints it well.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much for your compliments and your suggestions. It's difficult for me sometimes to express the speaker's "voice" and still get the grammar correct. I'll have to clarify "only two more to go better. I thought "he looked at daughter number two" and his comment in the beginning about probably having to wear the mask again made it clear he'd have to suit up for two more birthdays. Your comments were very helpful. Thank you
Comment from Pantygynt
Excellent
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This is a great display of revelation in slow time, as we have to wait until the end to discover what lies beneath the mask and trench coat and why.

One thing did catch my attention though: 'The tutu pinches, the crinoline scratches...' These are three word sentences but closely linked so a semi colon rather than a comma should separate them I believe. Having said this I checked a couple of definitions:

Tu-Tu- A stiff tulle skirt coming out from waist typically used in ballet.
Crinolines-Stiffened fabric, with horse hair, stiff linen, or cotton used to make long skirts stand out.

Somehow, I doubt if you would be wearing both at the same time, since the tutu is about as short as you can get and the crinoline is a fabric used to stiffen longer skirts. There are several YouTube videos on how to make a tutu!

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
    Thank you for your critique. I appreciate your thorough review. I agree grammatically with the three sentences but I wanted to add extra emphasis by separating the connected thoughts, As regarding the tu-tu and crinoline, you've clearly never played dress up as a fairy princess. I can assure you, they do wear both.
Comment from Bonnie Seach
Good
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A charming account. A loving parent surprises his daughter on her 4th birthday.
Work is needed to make the story outstanding.
1. Maintaining present tense throughout will make it telling instead of a part narrative
2. Spacing lines and paragraphs will make it enjoyable for the reader
3. Separate lines for dialogue are necessary to identify the speakers
4. Avoiding weak, unnecessary words improves comprehension and flow.
Example:
reach a *more* shrill squeal... No need for *more*. It is a weak word. If a word is deleted and does not change the sentence, it should be omitted.
Review guidelines allow 4 stars or less where work is needed.
Looking forward to more of your posts.
Best wishes




This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
    Thank you for your critique. It is most helpful.
reply by Bonnie Seach on 21-Jun-2021
    Wishing you joy and success👌👍🏻🤗
Comment from ShirleyT1
Excellent
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I love your story! I have to admit I didn't see "Princess Happy Time" coming at all! Well written and entertaining! Best wishes in the "This Sentence Starts the Story" contest!

 Comment Written 18-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much for the positive feedback
Comment from Sharon Davis
Excellent
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A very creative story in response to the sentence prompt.

The telling of the story is done in a manner that does not reveal its surprise ending, and keeps the reader guessing throughout.

Nicely done.

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
    Thank you for your positive critique
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
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Haha, you are right about what fathers will do for their kids. I enjoyed your fun story. I could see everything as I read. At first I thought the he was up to no good. But in the end, I love the idea. I like the way you emphasized that no one seemed to care about the strange costumed man even though he was wearing a trench coat over the costume. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
    Thank you for your positive feedback. I thought it would be fun to make him appear to be up to nefarious deeds. I'm thrilled you were able to visualize the story as you read. I've been working on that.
Comment from Susan Larson
Excellent
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What a wonderfully suspenseful story. You had me wondering all the way through just what was going on behind that mask. What a good daddy and what a good sport. ANd you're right, your daughters will never forget!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much for the critique. I hoped the suspense would lead readers down a dark path to a wonderful ending. I'm happy I succeeded.
Comment from blondie560
Excellent
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At first I thought maybe the guy was going to be a stripper for a bachelorette party. Then when I found out he was dressed as a birthday fairy I had to laugh. The reference to the Mission Impossible theme song I thought was perfect. Trying to slink around and not get caught when you're over six foot while wearing a trench coat in 90 degree weather does sound like a mission impossible. I think dads will do just about anything for their daughter's happiness. They may act like a big tough guy, but when it's their little girl they're reduced to a big teddy bear!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
    Thank you. You should meet my husband, the inspiration for this story.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Excellent
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Brilliant! What a twist--I didn't see this coming--I've read at least ten entries for this contest, many excellent, but nothing remotely like this. Ingenious! I hope to be back with congrats!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much. You're very kind.