Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Football Chapter 18 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
28 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor guy, the joys of growing without a father that makes you blush when I have a school event. "
Gabriel got on one knee to his level. "What's wrong"?"
Jeremy climbed up on the knee and sat. "Here!" He shoved the paper in his face. "I don't have a Dad, and next Tuesday is 'Dads have lunch at school day.' Will you come and be my dad?"
Lowering the paper so he could see it better, Gabriel said, "I'd like that."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Poor guy, the joys of growing without a father that makes you blush when I have a school event. "
Gabriel got on one knee to his level. "What's wrong"?"
Jeremy climbed up on the knee and sat. "Here!" He shoved the paper in his face. "I don't have a Dad, and next Tuesday is 'Dads have lunch at school day.' Will you come and be my dad?"
Lowering the paper so he could see it better, Gabriel said, "I'd like that."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barb,
Yeah, it's mostly a harmless prank. I don't see the big deal in that one. There ARE pranks that can hurt quite a lot, but this one seems low on the list. I wouldn't worry overmuch about any boy who participated in it.
--wink--
Notes:
1.) Gabriel's eyed Joshua. "I don't think so, do you?"
--> edit?
2.) Maybe I'll need to move it to Sunday(s) but I hate doing it then.
--> plural not possessive
3.) "I think since I'm here almost every night I've pas(sed) the guest status. -or -
--> I'm past the guest...
Thanks!
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Barb,
Yeah, it's mostly a harmless prank. I don't see the big deal in that one. There ARE pranks that can hurt quite a lot, but this one seems low on the list. I wouldn't worry overmuch about any boy who participated in it.
--wink--
Notes:
1.) Gabriel's eyed Joshua. "I don't think so, do you?"
--> edit?
2.) Maybe I'll need to move it to Sunday(s) but I hate doing it then.
--> plural not possessive
3.) "I think since I'm here almost every night I've pas(sed) the guest status. -or -
--> I'm past the guest...
Thanks!
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the catches. I have made the corrections.
Comment from Ben Colder
Oops, he sleeve gets it. LOL. You have done a great job making this come together for a good solid write and a future love affair. As always, well-done, Barb.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Oops, he sleeve gets it. LOL. You have done a great job making this come together for a good solid write and a future love affair. As always, well-done, Barb.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
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I love the photo of the guys in the locker room. So real.
Comment from estory
In this chapter we see Gabriel continuing to build a relationship with Joshua as well as Katherine, and the realistic, personality filled dialogue continues. I think you have created some well dilineated characters here and they are fleshing out well, with all their minor faults included. I liked how you described the high school prank and how that kind of stuff kind of passes on from generation to generation. The end with that little feint of a kiss is telling. These two are slowly getting closer and closer. I don't know how easy the school would be on someone who gets accused of date abuse. Seems to me it would be closer to expulsion or at least suspension nowadays. estory
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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In this chapter we see Gabriel continuing to build a relationship with Joshua as well as Katherine, and the realistic, personality filled dialogue continues. I think you have created some well dilineated characters here and they are fleshing out well, with all their minor faults included. I liked how you described the high school prank and how that kind of stuff kind of passes on from generation to generation. The end with that little feint of a kiss is telling. These two are slowly getting closer and closer. I don't know how easy the school would be on someone who gets accused of date abuse. Seems to me it would be closer to expulsion or at least suspension nowadays. estory
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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The school can't do anything unless it happens on school property. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
That's quite a funny prank! Sounds like it goes through the generations. Your story moves gently through their days, in an authentic way. Well written, as always. Thanks for posting it.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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That's quite a funny prank! Sounds like it goes through the generations. Your story moves gently through their days, in an authentic way. Well written, as always. Thanks for posting it.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed the dialogue and interaction between the characters here. You're very good at building up to a romantic relationship in small steps.
The short, staccato exchanges between characters are nicely broken by occasional authentic action tags. The chapter reads a little like a play or film script.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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I enjoyed the dialogue and interaction between the characters here. You're very good at building up to a romantic relationship in small steps.
The short, staccato exchanges between characters are nicely broken by occasional authentic action tags. The chapter reads a little like a play or film script.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the
picture and notes, barbara.
-I didn't know that was done with lockers.
-It was a good story that showed a
few different issues, beginning with
Rachel's situation; hopefully thing
settle down for her.
-The rest of the chapter is a good
family scene with dinner and banter
about the lockers, and what could
be done about it.
-Gabe is a good influence on Katherine's
boys, and it is very touching when Jeremy
asks him to go to the father son lunch.
-We learn about some of the family
situations involving the boys, as
well as the final discussion between
Katherine and Gabe.
-I like the ending, too.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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-Thanks for sharing the
picture and notes, barbara.
-I didn't know that was done with lockers.
-It was a good story that showed a
few different issues, beginning with
Rachel's situation; hopefully thing
settle down for her.
-The rest of the chapter is a good
family scene with dinner and banter
about the lockers, and what could
be done about it.
-Gabe is a good influence on Katherine's
boys, and it is very touching when Jeremy
asks him to go to the father son lunch.
-We learn about some of the family
situations involving the boys, as
well as the final discussion between
Katherine and Gabe.
-I like the ending, too.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Sanku
Interesting chapter with typical boys' conversations and their mother's amusement /wonder.The warmth developing between the two adults is touching .i hope to see them as a real family ....
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Interesting chapter with typical boys' conversations and their mother's amusement /wonder.The warmth developing between the two adults is touching .i hope to see them as a real family ....
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
I like how they are slowly becoming a family, at least outwardly. There are some interesting dynamics in your characters.
Katherine stepped from the kitchen and glared at Gabriel. "Exactly who was in a towel?" [Forgive me, but there's something about the timing in this. You might have implied (though I don't think you did), that Katherine was in the kitchen before this. The reason I say this is because, to me, it was strange that Gabriel would repeat the scenario that Joshua mentioned, coming down the stairs. I think you should intensify your narrative that she actually went into the kitchen so that the reader (and Gabriel) assumed she didn't hear what the D linemen had done.]
"Man, are you ever busted." [That's a funny line! I can just hear a boy say that to his brother.]
"It's okay. I want to do this with him." [Saying this and following it up with ""It's okay. I want to do this with him," when Katherine nixed it, seemed to support what the kids were thinking about D-linesmen. I haven't read ahead to see if I'm right or not.]
Now I have. Hmmm, I'd have thought Katherine might have been a little miffed that he didn't confide in her before forcing his hand. He was being in character, but I think she might be softening, or have given up trying to change him.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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I like how they are slowly becoming a family, at least outwardly. There are some interesting dynamics in your characters.
Katherine stepped from the kitchen and glared at Gabriel. "Exactly who was in a towel?" [Forgive me, but there's something about the timing in this. You might have implied (though I don't think you did), that Katherine was in the kitchen before this. The reason I say this is because, to me, it was strange that Gabriel would repeat the scenario that Joshua mentioned, coming down the stairs. I think you should intensify your narrative that she actually went into the kitchen so that the reader (and Gabriel) assumed she didn't hear what the D linemen had done.]
"Man, are you ever busted." [That's a funny line! I can just hear a boy say that to his brother.]
"It's okay. I want to do this with him." [Saying this and following it up with ""It's okay. I want to do this with him," when Katherine nixed it, seemed to support what the kids were thinking about D-linesmen. I haven't read ahead to see if I'm right or not.]
Now I have. Hmmm, I'd have thought Katherine might have been a little miffed that he didn't confide in her before forcing his hand. He was being in character, but I think she might be softening, or have given up trying to change him.
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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I will check those areas out. Thank you for bringing them to my attention.
Comment from Zan Zan
Aweee lol
Five stars.
Everything looks good here. A Clean, nice writing.
Keep it up Miss Barbara , the bestest in your endeavors again. Always
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Aweee lol
Five stars.
Everything looks good here. A Clean, nice writing.
Keep it up Miss Barbara , the bestest in your endeavors again. Always
Comment Written 23-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
