Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Football Chapter 15 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
23 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Please forgive me, Barbara, I've gone mental these last 10 days, we were offered a lovely retirement home but had to complete in 10 days, which is today. It's been one horrific few days. I then did everything wrong on here and gave out sixes I didn't know I was doing, and you and Ulla and others lost out. I'm sorry! This part is another excellent chapter in the story and shows how enthusiastic Katherine is about the game. That they won, was brilliant for the school. Well done, my friend, and so sorry, but it has to be a virtual six. Now back to sorting out more packing. I'll be a nervous wreck my the time we are in. :(
Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Please forgive me, Barbara, I've gone mental these last 10 days, we were offered a lovely retirement home but had to complete in 10 days, which is today. It's been one horrific few days. I then did everything wrong on here and gave out sixes I didn't know I was doing, and you and Ulla and others lost out. I'm sorry! This part is another excellent chapter in the story and shows how enthusiastic Katherine is about the game. That they won, was brilliant for the school. Well done, my friend, and so sorry, but it has to be a virtual six. Now back to sorting out more packing. I'll be a nervous wreck my the time we are in. :(
Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 29-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Virtual sixes are good too. Thank you for the lovely review. I will pray things calm down.
Comment from estory
I really liked this chapter, particularly because you had this subtle connection between Gabriel and Katherine during the game. It was as if they were taking a giant step closer together as she watches him coach the team to victory the way her dad used to do. And he keeps looking back at her over her shoulder; so he is obviously trying to impress her. The dialogue was subtle and very realistic. Nice job orchestrating all this. estory
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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I really liked this chapter, particularly because you had this subtle connection between Gabriel and Katherine during the game. It was as if they were taking a giant step closer together as she watches him coach the team to victory the way her dad used to do. And he keeps looking back at her over her shoulder; so he is obviously trying to impress her. The dialogue was subtle and very realistic. Nice job orchestrating all this. estory
Comment Written 28-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
First official game for Katherine and happy memories from childhood resurfacing. Who knows maybe she would be an amazing coach just like her dad. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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First official game for Katherine and happy memories from childhood resurfacing. Who knows maybe she would be an amazing coach just like her dad. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Her football childhood memories aren't good. That's why she's holding back with Gabriel.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
This reminded me of all the football games I attended during my career. I found it all plausible except for the final score. If the other team kicked a field goal, they had three points just as you said. Unless that team scored two safeties after that, it would be impossible for them to end up with a score of seven. If they scored a touchdown, then the possible scores could be either 29-9, 29-10, or 29-11 depending on whether or not they scored 1 or 2 points for the point(s) after the touchdown.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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barbara:
This reminded me of all the football games I attended during my career. I found it all plausible except for the final score. If the other team kicked a field goal, they had three points just as you said. Unless that team scored two safeties after that, it would be impossible for them to end up with a score of seven. If they scored a touchdown, then the possible scores could be either 29-9, 29-10, or 29-11 depending on whether or not they scored 1 or 2 points for the point(s) after the touchdown.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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You're correct. I just fixed that. Thank you for catching it. I guess I'd forgotten about the 3 points. LOL
Comment from Leann DS
The very beginning of this chapter was excellent. However, the football game part could be better. Because there was such an emphasis on Gabe not keeping his cool during the games, maybe you could focus on observations about his behavior on the sidelines? Or is Catherine's son playing? Maybe you could focus more on specific things that he is doing during the game. As a parent and aunt of many football players, I would mainly focus on my nephews or my son during the game.
For example:
Four minutes into the first quarter, Silver Cove scored and got the extra point. It was 7-0. Gabe Paced energetically back and forth across the sidelines in front of his team's bench, yelling encouraging words to his players, his face red and full of passion. Catherine watched him closely, (noticing... Whatever it is you want her to notice.)
OR
At the end of the first quarter, the other team was in scoring position at the 9-yard line. Gabe was fired up, and his instructions to his players echoed across the field and into the cool autumn air throughout the stadium. it was third down, and a touchdown and extra point would tie the game. The clock started, and the quarterback stepped back in the pocket, preparing to throw a short pass into the end zone, when out of nowhere, a gaggle of Lions brought him down placing the ball on the 15-yard line. With fourth down and 15 to go, the other team decided to kick a field goal. It was now 7-3, Lions.
Also, when announcing scores, always put the higher score 1st and the lower score 2nd, followed by whoever is winning. And the writing numbers out if they're under 10 doesn't count for sports scores. You can use numerals. in fact, you should use numerals.
The part where Catherine yells out a penalty against her son is very realistic and a nice touch! I've done that many times myself. :-)
My suggestion is if you do not want to add to the football score and time portion, I would delete the entire part and just tell the end score. I think it really takes away from the overall chapter.
If you choose to modify that, I would be glad to come back and review it again, upgrading my stars. And if you need any suggestions, I'd be glad to make some others if you want. I have so much football sideline experience.
One more thing... The part at the beginning where the boy is asking Catherine if he can go get some food, the second part in his quote is not a question, so should have a period.
I really hope this is helpful. Let me know if you decide to make any changes, please. Hugs and blessings always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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The very beginning of this chapter was excellent. However, the football game part could be better. Because there was such an emphasis on Gabe not keeping his cool during the games, maybe you could focus on observations about his behavior on the sidelines? Or is Catherine's son playing? Maybe you could focus more on specific things that he is doing during the game. As a parent and aunt of many football players, I would mainly focus on my nephews or my son during the game.
For example:
Four minutes into the first quarter, Silver Cove scored and got the extra point. It was 7-0. Gabe Paced energetically back and forth across the sidelines in front of his team's bench, yelling encouraging words to his players, his face red and full of passion. Catherine watched him closely, (noticing... Whatever it is you want her to notice.)
OR
At the end of the first quarter, the other team was in scoring position at the 9-yard line. Gabe was fired up, and his instructions to his players echoed across the field and into the cool autumn air throughout the stadium. it was third down, and a touchdown and extra point would tie the game. The clock started, and the quarterback stepped back in the pocket, preparing to throw a short pass into the end zone, when out of nowhere, a gaggle of Lions brought him down placing the ball on the 15-yard line. With fourth down and 15 to go, the other team decided to kick a field goal. It was now 7-3, Lions.
Also, when announcing scores, always put the higher score 1st and the lower score 2nd, followed by whoever is winning. And the writing numbers out if they're under 10 doesn't count for sports scores. You can use numerals. in fact, you should use numerals.
The part where Catherine yells out a penalty against her son is very realistic and a nice touch! I've done that many times myself. :-)
My suggestion is if you do not want to add to the football score and time portion, I would delete the entire part and just tell the end score. I think it really takes away from the overall chapter.
If you choose to modify that, I would be glad to come back and review it again, upgrading my stars. And if you need any suggestions, I'd be glad to make some others if you want. I have so much football sideline experience.
One more thing... The part at the beginning where the boy is asking Catherine if he can go get some food, the second part in his quote is not a question, so should have a period.
I really hope this is helpful. Let me know if you decide to make any changes, please. Hugs and blessings always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Thank you, but I really don't want to go into the game. The game happened but it's not a really important part of the game. I choose to ignore portions of your review. Thank you.
Comment from lancellot
This is a well crafted chapter. I don't know what will happen later but readers will note Katherine's enthusiasm. That's fits with her knowledge, background and her son playing the game.
(note: the reader hasn't seen anything that shows her supposedly dislike of jocks)
The final score was seven-to-twenty-nine.
-recommend changing the score to 6-29. The seven means two safeties were made made. That is super rare.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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This is a well crafted chapter. I don't know what will happen later but readers will note Katherine's enthusiasm. That's fits with her knowledge, background and her son playing the game.
(note: the reader hasn't seen anything that shows her supposedly dislike of jocks)
The final score was seven-to-twenty-nine.
-recommend changing the score to 6-29. The seven means two safeties were made made. That is super rare.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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I had to change the score to 9. They got three earlier I had forgotten about. More will come out about Katherine and football. I promise.
Comment from eliz100
I started reading this three times and finally finished. This was a great read from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. You chose a great picture.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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I started reading this three times and finally finished. This was a great read from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. You chose a great picture.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image and story, Barbara.
-I enjoyed this one as you brought
a H.S. football game to life.
-I could picture each scene, and
loved the part when Katherine
yelled, "Face mask!"
-Interesting that her father had
been a coach, so she knows
more than the average person.
-I also like your description of
Gabe, and his approach to the game,
walking over to the opposing team's
side, probably sizing them up.
-Good interaction between Gabe
and Katherine, too.
-Well done; I assume you have
attended quite a few football
games with teaching, and I think
you had sons who played.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
|
-A good image and story, Barbara.
-I enjoyed this one as you brought
a H.S. football game to life.
-I could picture each scene, and
loved the part when Katherine
yelled, "Face mask!"
-Interesting that her father had
been a coach, so she knows
more than the average person.
-I also like your description of
Gabe, and his approach to the game,
walking over to the opposing team's
side, probably sizing them up.
-Good interaction between Gabe
and Katherine, too.
-Well done; I assume you have
attended quite a few football
games with teaching, and I think
you had sons who played.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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I raised four boys, all played football. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
Highschool football can be exciting and your writing bring out the excitement nicely. Katherine does want it to appear that she likes Gabriel, but she isn't being honest with herself. She's had a bad experience with a man and also too much football growing up. so she is fighting against getting involved.
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Highschool football can be exciting and your writing bring out the excitement nicely. Katherine does want it to appear that she likes Gabriel, but she isn't being honest with herself. She's had a bad experience with a man and also too much football growing up. so she is fighting against getting involved.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
I understand American football, it's very similar in some regards to rugby, but without the armour. I wonder why the boy mentioned Gabe's name? Heh heh. When I met Elaine I was still playing cricket, she understood the game better than most girls, her dad took her to the cricket frequently well done Barbara, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : In front (of) the stands where.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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I understand American football, it's very similar in some regards to rugby, but without the armour. I wonder why the boy mentioned Gabe's name? Heh heh. When I met Elaine I was still playing cricket, she understood the game better than most girls, her dad took her to the cricket frequently well done Barbara, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : In front (of) the stands where.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I will make the correction.
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Most welcome Barbara.
