The Truth
75 Word Flash Fiction16 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Bhogg,
I read through this 75 word flash. Enjoyed the dark humor, as there's no easy way to break running over someone's dog, and the inappropriateness of trying to make light of it makes it amusing, because we know it would be wrong.
I hand counted 76 words, and figured to mention, though I don't know if Jack Russell is considered one word or not. A word process might have considered news...you're as one word, though that would be two. Word counts are almost philosophical sometimes.
"Oh?'(")typo
Other than that, I pondered on if the starting info on the driveway winding could be moved to after: "Well, try the truth."
To give a sense of moving the scene from dead dog, Allen talking to wife, to Allen talking to David, but that was just a thought I had. (not something I'm suggesting to change)
I found the scene enjoyable, and got a oh-no chuckle at the dog food savings.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Hi, Bhogg,
I read through this 75 word flash. Enjoyed the dark humor, as there's no easy way to break running over someone's dog, and the inappropriateness of trying to make light of it makes it amusing, because we know it would be wrong.
I hand counted 76 words, and figured to mention, though I don't know if Jack Russell is considered one word or not. A word process might have considered news...you're as one word, though that would be two. Word counts are almost philosophical sometimes.
"Oh?'(")typo
Other than that, I pondered on if the starting info on the driveway winding could be moved to after: "Well, try the truth."
To give a sense of moving the scene from dead dog, Allen talking to wife, to Allen talking to David, but that was just a thought I had. (not something I'm suggesting to change)
I found the scene enjoyable, and got a oh-no chuckle at the dog food savings.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from royowen
What an excellent entry this is, you've absolutely nailed what is needed to fare well in these contest, this is hilarious, and a filip for the antithetical alternatives, well done, great post.. good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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What an excellent entry this is, you've absolutely nailed what is needed to fare well in these contest, this is hilarious, and a filip for the antithetical alternatives, well done, great post.. good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
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Bless you
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I had a little dog who enjoyed chasing cars and my babysitter accidentally ran over her. My boys were devastated but Muffin chased cars, it was bound to happen. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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I had a little dog who enjoyed chasing cars and my babysitter accidentally ran over her. My boys were devastated but Muffin chased cars, it was bound to happen. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This funny, in a morbid sort of way! Can't help but feel bad for the Jack Russell and his owner, David, but it wasn't the narrator's fault. It's a great little story told in just 75 words, with a comical ending. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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This funny, in a morbid sort of way! Can't help but feel bad for the Jack Russell and his owner, David, but it wasn't the narrator's fault. It's a great little story told in just 75 words, with a comical ending. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from damommy
Oh, dear. That happens a lot. Your ending is funny, but I don't know how it would be received in real life. I've known of situations like that. It happens to cats, too. I did enjoy the dark humor. 8-)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Oh, dear. That happens a lot. Your ending is funny, but I don't know how it would be received in real life. I've known of situations like that. It happens to cats, too. I did enjoy the dark humor. 8-)
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from lancellot
Well, we don't know how old David is, or why he never was responsible with the dog but I have to admit, dad's opening line to David, is both funny and a bit cruel. It reminds me of those , I saved money on my car insurance jokes.
Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Well, we don't know how old David is, or why he never was responsible with the dog but I have to admit, dad's opening line to David, is both funny and a bit cruel. It reminds me of those , I saved money on my car insurance jokes.
Well done.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from Leann DS
Ha! Well, that is sure one way to put it. Ha ha your flash fiction tells a complete story with very few words. It's well written and concise. I did not notice any punctuation or grammar errors. Well done. Hugs and blessings.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Ha! Well, that is sure one way to put it. Ha ha your flash fiction tells a complete story with very few words. It's well written and concise. I did not notice any punctuation or grammar errors. Well done. Hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is suitably amusing, although the unstated punchline is totally obvious. I don't mind that too much as these short shorts are extremely difficult to write. You might want to look how the word count spans across the different parts of the story, and reduce the introductory description in favour of the ending.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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This is suitably amusing, although the unstated punchline is totally obvious. I don't mind that too much as these short shorts are extremely difficult to write. You might want to look how the word count spans across the different parts of the story, and reduce the introductory description in favour of the ending.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Hi Katherine--thanks for reading and for the insightful feedback.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ouch! Dark humor indeed. Brutal, albeit clever--let's hope you don't get dinged by the dog-lovers. This has 76 words. Always count vs relying on word-counter--the counter merges the words with attached ellipses i.e. "news...you're" is counted as a single word (and news ... yours would be counted as three words).
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Ouch! Dark humor indeed. Brutal, albeit clever--let's hope you don't get dinged by the dog-lovers. This has 76 words. Always count vs relying on word-counter--the counter merges the words with attached ellipses i.e. "news...you're" is counted as a single word (and news ... yours would be counted as three words).
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and for your kind feedback...appreciate both!
Comment from mobileliz
Good job of using dialog to "Show don't tell" and using it to keep the word court from feeling forced. The foreshadowing made the cute punch line work. I liked it.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Good job of using dialog to "Show don't tell" and using it to keep the word court from feeling forced. The foreshadowing made the cute punch line work. I liked it.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback!
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Speaking from experience, it appears you're used to writing "tight". Good job.
