Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Football Chapter 15 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
24 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
It sounds that a new school year has started and so I need to do some back reading to see what I have missed. Sounds like the two main characters in your story has had some differences.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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It sounds that a new school year has started and so I need to do some back reading to see what I have missed. Sounds like the two main characters in your story has had some differences.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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They have a lot of differences. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Another excellent chapter--you continue to develop your characters and their deepening relationship--dialog is spot-on--interactions ring true--e.g. Gabriel won't blab to Bill.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Another excellent chapter--you continue to develop your characters and their deepening relationship--dialog is spot-on--interactions ring true--e.g. Gabriel won't blab to Bill.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Wow, Barbara:
This school seems to offer everything except for underwater basket-weaving - lol! I'm glad Gabriel and Katherine have made up. I wish their dogs could get hold of whoever is stalking them - would serve that person right. Could it be one of Gabriel's former women? Can't wait until your next installment. Be well and stay safe.
Jan
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Wow, Barbara:
This school seems to offer everything except for underwater basket-weaving - lol! I'm glad Gabriel and Katherine have made up. I wish their dogs could get hold of whoever is stalking them - would serve that person right. Could it be one of Gabriel's former women? Can't wait until your next installment. Be well and stay safe.
Jan
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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We'll soon find out about what the dogs are growling at. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
Thank you for this next part of your story. I am still enjoying its development. I just have a small editing suggestion. I think a dash is needed in this sentence, or else two short sentences. "You're right - too tight wouldn't be good." Cheers.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thank you for this next part of your story. I am still enjoying its development. I just have a small editing suggestion. I think a dash is needed in this sentence, or else two short sentences. "You're right - too tight wouldn't be good." Cheers.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. Will check that area.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Gabe and Katherine are a nice team in school and also on the sports and soon probably in life too. They split nicely the time for practice between the boy's team and the girls. "True. You do homework from four to five o'clock, correct?" When he nodded, she continued, "Okay, we'll run the hill first. We'll be finished before your guys start. You're holding the guys until eight o'clock. That's a long time."
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Gabe and Katherine are a nice team in school and also on the sports and soon probably in life too. They split nicely the time for practice between the boy's team and the girls. "True. You do homework from four to five o'clock, correct?" When he nodded, she continued, "Okay, we'll run the hill first. We'll be finished before your guys start. You're holding the guys until eight o'clock. That's a long time."
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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I agree. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AJ McCall
This is definitely a lot longer than your usual posts, but I like it either way. I'm starting to like Gabriel more and more in these chapters. Katherine is what I liked to say, 'softening' up to him, lol. And before I forget, I noticed a typo in your author notes: 'an entire'.
I'll be waiting for that next chapter!!!
Oh, and I wanted to ask...
Is it a strategy to NOT describe certain things (Gabriel's features, his surroundings, Katherine's features, etc. ) while you're writing this? Are you then going to add that later on... after you've finished the entire story?
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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This is definitely a lot longer than your usual posts, but I like it either way. I'm starting to like Gabriel more and more in these chapters. Katherine is what I liked to say, 'softening' up to him, lol. And before I forget, I noticed a typo in your author notes: 'an entire'.
I'll be waiting for that next chapter!!!
Oh, and I wanted to ask...
Is it a strategy to NOT describe certain things (Gabriel's features, his surroundings, Katherine's features, etc. ) while you're writing this? Are you then going to add that later on... after you've finished the entire story?
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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I am not big on descriptions. The reason, when I am into reading a novel, I find a lot of them distracting. To be honest, I skip them and get onto the real stuff,, the meat of the writing, so I don't write them in, unless it's really necessary. I think my readers can figure it out on their own. One reviewer commented in a previous post that he got angry over what has happening, so I think there's enough there to get a response.
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Yes, hearing that, I agree! It makes sense. But me? I love description, and I love describing. But thank you for answering my question!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and chapter, Barbara.
-It is hard to capture the real
chaotic atmosphere of a pep rally
on paper, but you did a good job.
-I remember the mayhem accompanied
by one before you got into the door.
-A good scene at the beginning with
Katherine and Gabe during their morning walk.
-A good concluding section that leaves us
with a positive mood and atmosphere.
-One thing I would look at is some
repetition in the pep rally section, like:
'introduced' in the paragraph, 'The band played...'
and twice in the paragraph above it.
-'something' 4 times in the paragraph, 'He winked...
-comma not needed: "Already, taken care of.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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-Good image and chapter, Barbara.
-It is hard to capture the real
chaotic atmosphere of a pep rally
on paper, but you did a good job.
-I remember the mayhem accompanied
by one before you got into the door.
-A good scene at the beginning with
Katherine and Gabe during their morning walk.
-A good concluding section that leaves us
with a positive mood and atmosphere.
-One thing I would look at is some
repetition in the pep rally section, like:
'introduced' in the paragraph, 'The band played...'
and twice in the paragraph above it.
-'something' 4 times in the paragraph, 'He winked...
-comma not needed: "Already, taken care of.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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I will check those areas out. Thank you for pointing it out.
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You are quite welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
So, at last Gabriel and Katherine are able to work as a team without arguing. I enjoyed reading this. Just a couple of things for you to look at:
I thought it would be easier for you, well for Jeremy, to have them on Saturdays'. ["Saturdays" isn't possessive.]
The band played while the staff members returned to their seats. [I don't know if you noticed it our not but in this short paragraph you used a variant of "introduce" four times. It created an echo for me. You may want to look at it.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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So, at last Gabriel and Katherine are able to work as a team without arguing. I enjoyed reading this. Just a couple of things for you to look at:
I thought it would be easier for you, well for Jeremy, to have them on Saturdays'. ["Saturdays" isn't possessive.]
The band played while the staff members returned to their seats. [I don't know if you noticed it our not but in this short paragraph you used a variant of "introduce" four times. It created an echo for me. You may want to look at it.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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It was a chore to rewrite but I think I eliminated the introduced. LOL Thank you for catching it.
Comment from Begin Again
you really have the high school picture and all the ins and outs down to a tee. Good for "Ga briel when he wouldn't talk about Katherine to Bill. It appears that they are moving closer, slowly but closer. Well done and a very enjoyable read. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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you really have the high school picture and all the ins and outs down to a tee. Good for "Ga briel when he wouldn't talk about Katherine to Bill. It appears that they are moving closer, slowly but closer. Well done and a very enjoyable read. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Sounds as if you are getting this placed together for the right day perhaps in June, LOL. Good one Barb as always. I can see this unfolding in the school aspect knowing you are there everyday. First hand stuff. LOL.
Enjoy your weekend.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Sounds as if you are getting this placed together for the right day perhaps in June, LOL. Good one Barb as always. I can see this unfolding in the school aspect knowing you are there everyday. First hand stuff. LOL.
Enjoy your weekend.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the understanding.
