Not a Bed of Roses
Free Verse - Human Suffering29 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Your very poetic words have indeed descriped what is the lot of most human beings. There is a lot of human suffering, too much, and most people have trials to overcome at some point in their lives. A bed of roses? It most certainly isn't. Well done, this is really well penned. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Your very poetic words have indeed descriped what is the lot of most human beings. There is a lot of human suffering, too much, and most people have trials to overcome at some point in their lives. A bed of roses? It most certainly isn't. Well done, this is really well penned. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Sandra, I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting and well written poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very interesting imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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This is a very interesting and well written poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very interesting imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Teri, thanks!
Comment from jenintorre
You have certainly described human suffering very well in your poem. No-one said life was eady. I wish you .ots of luck in the competition. Best wushes. Jen.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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You have certainly described human suffering very well in your poem. No-one said life was eady. I wish you .ots of luck in the competition. Best wushes. Jen.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Jen, thank you.
Comment from RGstar
VIRTUAL SIX
I have none, yet...know well I value this. Here is why.
Free verse, yet you captured what every free verse should incorporate; the essence and the soul of the writing...the aura...the imagery.
''the sand of their life was to stop flowing
and dust motes float up and carry their presence
away on the wind.''
If that is not poetic, nothing I have ever written is. Beautiful phraseology.
One thing though, I just noticed. Change life to ''lives''
'' the sand of their lives was to stop flowing
and dust motes float up and carry their presence
away on the wind.''
I just love that.
This should do well in the competition. I hope it does.
Nicely done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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VIRTUAL SIX
I have none, yet...know well I value this. Here is why.
Free verse, yet you captured what every free verse should incorporate; the essence and the soul of the writing...the aura...the imagery.
''the sand of their life was to stop flowing
and dust motes float up and carry their presence
away on the wind.''
If that is not poetic, nothing I have ever written is. Beautiful phraseology.
One thing though, I just noticed. Change life to ''lives''
'' the sand of their lives was to stop flowing
and dust motes float up and carry their presence
away on the wind.''
I just love that.
This should do well in the competition. I hope it does.
Nicely done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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RGStar, thank you for the virtual six, the very validating comments and the punctuation catch. I hope that the sun warms your soul all weekend.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
These tapes are paralyzing: "The ultimate onslaught
of suffering is the self-derogation,
the negative self-talk,
"I should have, I could have, I would have ____." This is the script society gives us except it goes "you should have, you could have, you would have." Eckhart Tolle said when we listen to our chattering mind, we suffer. This was a good topic.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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These tapes are paralyzing: "The ultimate onslaught
of suffering is the self-derogation,
the negative self-talk,
"I should have, I could have, I would have ____." This is the script society gives us except it goes "you should have, you could have, you would have." Eckhart Tolle said when we listen to our chattering mind, we suffer. This was a good topic.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Liz, thanks yes Echart ... My daily reminder to stay in the present.
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Eckhart has changed my life. I'm glad he guides you too.
Comment from kahpot
Yes, suffering from the smallest to the greatest has an effect on us all, and many can not move on from such grief, and even those who do can be hit again, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Yes, suffering from the smallest to the greatest has an effect on us all, and many can not move on from such grief, and even those who do can be hit again, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Kahpot, thank you for the good wishes.
Comment from Gloria ....
Very nicely written, author. So true that in life we must be willing meet our existential suffering and work through it, and our greatest satisfaction comes from that process.
You have illustrated this truth very well in a fine free verse poem.
Wishing you much luck in the voting booth with this gem. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Very nicely written, author. So true that in life we must be willing meet our existential suffering and work through it, and our greatest satisfaction comes from that process.
You have illustrated this truth very well in a fine free verse poem.
Wishing you much luck in the voting booth with this gem. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2021
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Gloria, thank you so very much.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Author of your freestyle poem how you in your poem how well you tell us in your poem that Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions.
Now about about suffering and here a quote I found.
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
Bob Marley
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Hello Author of your freestyle poem how you in your poem how well you tell us in your poem that Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions.
Now about about suffering and here a quote I found.
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
Bob Marley
Gert
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Gert, that is a remarkably true quote!
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. This was a really, really depressing look at the human suffering condition. Yuck. And double yuck. I hope I can turn the page after this and go on to other (hopefully more positive) pieces. Wow.
I know many people go through periods of depression - I know I have - and during those times their judgment is clouded. They view everything through horribly distorted lenses. Regardless of how sunny a day it may be - they can only see clouds. Regardless of any kind deeds folks may do, they focus on the negative moments in the day. I totally get it.
Your opening lines sum this up really, really well:
During a human lifetime,
from the very first breath of life
to the last gasp of air,
there has been the reality that
life is not always a bed of roses.
Cups overflowing with milk and honey
are not served on the patch of grass you
are on.
--> nice!
There are a lot more realistic statements throughout your poem. It meets the contest criteria well, and I think it should do great in the voting.
Just one small note, if I may:
*
is at best only
fears, doubts, regrets,
that ha(ve) the potential to cause suffering.
*
I especially liked the dust motes reference. That seems to be all we become later - after death. So that makes this a sad but powerful statement. Nice.
In the final stanza, you say: 'Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions!' and I thought that was a lovely way to help the reader visualize what you are saying, too. KUDOS! When you go into detail after this, bringing that point more into view, I thought you did fine, BUT I thought (imo) you missed the opportunity to use that metaphor to maximum benefit through returning to another analogy of the sea/ocean.
Instead of using the reference to a 'chasm of hopelessness and despair' do you think you might consider something catastrophic that's water-based? Do you even understand what I'm talking about? *smile*
Anyway, I enjoyed and think it's a good entry. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. This was a really, really depressing look at the human suffering condition. Yuck. And double yuck. I hope I can turn the page after this and go on to other (hopefully more positive) pieces. Wow.
I know many people go through periods of depression - I know I have - and during those times their judgment is clouded. They view everything through horribly distorted lenses. Regardless of how sunny a day it may be - they can only see clouds. Regardless of any kind deeds folks may do, they focus on the negative moments in the day. I totally get it.
Your opening lines sum this up really, really well:
During a human lifetime,
from the very first breath of life
to the last gasp of air,
there has been the reality that
life is not always a bed of roses.
Cups overflowing with milk and honey
are not served on the patch of grass you
are on.
--> nice!
There are a lot more realistic statements throughout your poem. It meets the contest criteria well, and I think it should do great in the voting.
Just one small note, if I may:
*
is at best only
fears, doubts, regrets,
that ha(ve) the potential to cause suffering.
*
I especially liked the dust motes reference. That seems to be all we become later - after death. So that makes this a sad but powerful statement. Nice.
In the final stanza, you say: 'Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions!' and I thought that was a lovely way to help the reader visualize what you are saying, too. KUDOS! When you go into detail after this, bringing that point more into view, I thought you did fine, BUT I thought (imo) you missed the opportunity to use that metaphor to maximum benefit through returning to another analogy of the sea/ocean.
Instead of using the reference to a 'chasm of hopelessness and despair' do you think you might consider something catastrophic that's water-based? Do you even understand what I'm talking about? *smile*
Anyway, I enjoyed and think it's a good entry. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Thank you,
Editing change
Oft' calamity could be felt like a boat crashing over and over
on the shoals, breaking into mere splinters.
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very nice!
Comment from Goodadvicechan
What you said here is very depressing. "Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions! All these can render a person wholly crushed mentally, spiritually, financially and even physically to the edge of sanity in a chasm of hopelessness and despair." Although it may be true, people should not give up but be positive to move on.
Good luck to your contest
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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What you said here is very depressing. "Human suffering is a vast stormy sea of emotions! All these can render a person wholly crushed mentally, spiritually, financially and even physically to the edge of sanity in a chasm of hopelessness and despair." Although it may be true, people should not give up but be positive to move on.
Good luck to your contest
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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I appreciate your review and comments
