The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Facing the Enemy"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
16 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
Again you have done an outstanding job using your descriptive narrative to reveal the emotions of the characters to the reader. Your words always paint the right picture. Perceptive readers will see an almost feel the the anxieties of the characters as they tried to escape with their lives.
What is the best sentences that jumped out at me was: "Hunger scraped my insides like a carving knife."
The last paragraph is a clue to the next danger.
Robert
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Hello Stan.
Again you have done an outstanding job using your descriptive narrative to reveal the emotions of the characters to the reader. Your words always paint the right picture. Perceptive readers will see an almost feel the the anxieties of the characters as they tried to escape with their lives.
What is the best sentences that jumped out at me was: "Hunger scraped my insides like a carving knife."
The last paragraph is a clue to the next danger.
Robert
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Thanks Robert, esp. for letting me know what resonated. So appreciated. Stan
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You're welcome Stan.
Comment from Sally Law
You have a very nicely told, well-defined chapter here. I like the way you took your time. Cinnamon skin is nice and immediately pulled me into the scene. The ending is a nail-biter.... I'll certainly be back!
An improvement for your consideration.
"The damp dank cold rattled my bones."
--Dank means: damp cold. Maybe... bone-chilling cold, numbing cold, raw, nipping.... Just a few that come to mind. Been there! LOL!
-"The raw weather had settled in my bones, robbing me of precious sleep." Remove dank for smoother flow and use it another time. Just an example. Make it your own. :))
I hope this is helpful. Sending you my best today as always, dear Stan,
Sal XOs....
I hope this is helpful.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2021
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You have a very nicely told, well-defined chapter here. I like the way you took your time. Cinnamon skin is nice and immediately pulled me into the scene. The ending is a nail-biter.... I'll certainly be back!
An improvement for your consideration.
"The damp dank cold rattled my bones."
--Dank means: damp cold. Maybe... bone-chilling cold, numbing cold, raw, nipping.... Just a few that come to mind. Been there! LOL!
-"The raw weather had settled in my bones, robbing me of precious sleep." Remove dank for smoother flow and use it another time. Just an example. Make it your own. :))
I hope this is helpful. Sending you my best today as always, dear Stan,
Sal XOs....
I hope this is helpful.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2021
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I like the suggestion. Sounds much better. Blessings around the bend!
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I'm so glad! Sunny skies for the escape!!
Comment from Alaskastory
"Facing the Enemy" moves right along in Jane's story of escape from the tribe. You left this piece with more suspense so I sure do look forward reading if survives.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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"Facing the Enemy" moves right along in Jane's story of escape from the tribe. You left this piece with more suspense so I sure do look forward reading if survives.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Thanks Marie!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I thought this was well-composed. I can tell that you take editing suggestions from others, so my review can be shorter than usual. I sure liked imagery that included but was not limited to how the Arapaho party are seated with so many colors, on those spotted, white horses (or are they white-spotted? I added a comma and a hyphen to help clarify two possibilities) suggesting " They were to me like a ghostly parade in the vast wilderness". It sounds as if Jane not only misses her son but also her prairie land.
This is a very strong suggestion. I see the word 'snuck' all the time but still feel like it is a modern form of 'sneaked' that reminds me of teenagers or non-English majors using it. I think it would fall under modern vernacular, just the way younger people speak, but not an actual proper past tense of a verb. Merriam-Webster claims that since it was used so often even since the 19th Century, it has succeeded in being termed another form of a past tense for sneak. I would suggest using "sneaked" instead of "snuck" for any character who has a high school diploma or better. Since your character, Jane, probably doesn't have one, I just leave 'snuck' up to author preference but still suggest very strongly that 'sneaked' is more proper. One of these days I will possibly point out to a class of young students that there is no 'puck' for 'peaked,' nor 'fruck' for 'freaked,' nor even 'luck' for 'leaked,' but irregular verbs do occur!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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I thought this was well-composed. I can tell that you take editing suggestions from others, so my review can be shorter than usual. I sure liked imagery that included but was not limited to how the Arapaho party are seated with so many colors, on those spotted, white horses (or are they white-spotted? I added a comma and a hyphen to help clarify two possibilities) suggesting " They were to me like a ghostly parade in the vast wilderness". It sounds as if Jane not only misses her son but also her prairie land.
This is a very strong suggestion. I see the word 'snuck' all the time but still feel like it is a modern form of 'sneaked' that reminds me of teenagers or non-English majors using it. I think it would fall under modern vernacular, just the way younger people speak, but not an actual proper past tense of a verb. Merriam-Webster claims that since it was used so often even since the 19th Century, it has succeeded in being termed another form of a past tense for sneak. I would suggest using "sneaked" instead of "snuck" for any character who has a high school diploma or better. Since your character, Jane, probably doesn't have one, I just leave 'snuck' up to author preference but still suggest very strongly that 'sneaked' is more proper. One of these days I will possibly point out to a class of young students that there is no 'puck' for 'peaked,' nor 'fruck' for 'freaked,' nor even 'luck' for 'leaked,' but irregular verbs do occur!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Thanks Crystie. Appreciate this and will learn from it.
Comment from Mastery
Hello my friend. so good to see you posting again, Stan. Your story's plot has a lot of merit.
You seem to get better all the time with your use of imagery. Like here:
" Their cinnamon skin glistened in the sun breaking through the mist."
And: "The hiss of arrows filled a frail blue sky."
Good write here, my friend. Bob
Good simile here: "But it was quiet as a coffin to a grave."
Yet this simile, not so good in my opinion, Stan: "Hunger scraped my insides like a carving knife." (Good similes come like bolts of lightning out of the sky.)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Hello my friend. so good to see you posting again, Stan. Your story's plot has a lot of merit.
You seem to get better all the time with your use of imagery. Like here:
" Their cinnamon skin glistened in the sun breaking through the mist."
And: "The hiss of arrows filled a frail blue sky."
Good write here, my friend. Bob
Good simile here: "But it was quiet as a coffin to a grave."
Yet this simile, not so good in my opinion, Stan: "Hunger scraped my insides like a carving knife." (Good similes come like bolts of lightning out of the sky.)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Thanks again, Bob.
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Well deserved, my friend. Glad you stayed. Bob
Comment from Mistydawn
Just when I thought they were finally free. Your story is very well-written, interesting, realistic from start to finish. I enjoyed your colorful phrases. Your hook is perfect. As always, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Just when I thought they were finally free. Your story is very well-written, interesting, realistic from start to finish. I enjoyed your colorful phrases. Your hook is perfect. As always, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Thanks again, Misty
Comment from BethShelby
I was thinking they would be safe now and Jane would soon be going back home to it seems that is not to be just yet. I guess they have been seen since they are being shot at. I look forward to reading more. I really love your story.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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I was thinking they would be safe now and Jane would soon be going back home to it seems that is not to be just yet. I guess they have been seen since they are being shot at. I look forward to reading more. I really love your story.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thanks Beth. I appreciate your steady reviews. Blessings ahead.
Comment from royowen
It seems almost like their luck's run out, but nevertheless I know that would end the story, without characters it quickly dies. But beautifully put together my friend, I love this story, the tension is maintained which retains the attention, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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It seems almost like their luck's run out, but nevertheless I know that would end the story, without characters it quickly dies. But beautifully put together my friend, I love this story, the tension is maintained which retains the attention, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thanks Roy. I appreciate your consistent friendship and reviews.
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My pleasure good writing
Comment from Ben Colder
Well done. Had me glued to the edge until the rock slide. Good drink a cool water tasted good. Now we wait for the moment. You are bad as me to leave the reader hanging on the edge.
Good one, Stan the man.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Well done. Had me glued to the edge until the rock slide. Good drink a cool water tasted good. Now we wait for the moment. You are bad as me to leave the reader hanging on the edge.
Good one, Stan the man.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thanks again, bro.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is well written. I love the brilliant alliteration, similes and metaphors woven throughout the story. I am definitely check the1st chapters out. This is my favorite genre.
You write much like Michael Gear and his wife Kathleen ONeal Gear who have written over 25 The People of series. They've written some western stories also. The People of traces the Native Americans from as far back as 14,000 years ago.
They are both archaeologists who put flesh to the facts in their historical fiction.
They, in turn have inspired me to write about my friend & I rescuing 10 Native teens. It is called Traffic.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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This is well written. I love the brilliant alliteration, similes and metaphors woven throughout the story. I am definitely check the1st chapters out. This is my favorite genre.
You write much like Michael Gear and his wife Kathleen ONeal Gear who have written over 25 The People of series. They've written some western stories also. The People of traces the Native Americans from as far back as 14,000 years ago.
They are both archaeologists who put flesh to the facts in their historical fiction.
They, in turn have inspired me to write about my friend & I rescuing 10 Native teens. It is called Traffic.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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You rescued ten native teens from sex trafficking? Sounds like you have an interesting project. Blessed to know you. I had success writing mystery/thriller, but I love the western genre.
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The rest of the story is about us walking toward a hoped-for gas station. This is the source of all of our adventures. All related to the area I live in. There is evidence of great Abenaki activity here hundreds of years ago. There is always a suspenseful twist to each chapter.
I wrote about the trafficking issue because I used to work as an abuse advocate for 30+ years so feel very strongly about that epidemic issue.
Somehow when I was writing, those girls called to me & wanted to write their stories. If you're looking for a good western writer, check out Michael
Gear's books. Fun talking with you. I have your work next on my list.
