Comment from Kooky Clown

Exceptional

I was going to give this a five star rating but then on reading it through again I thought it was so good hence the Six. I used to volunteer as a Samaritan many years ago and this bought bake many memories, of some of the people I spoke to. I thought it was well written and an enjoyable read. Kooky

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Wow, thanks for the stars Kooky. So glad you saw it as a good reminder.

reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Wow, thanks for the stars Kooky. So glad you saw it as a good reminder.

Comment from RPSaxena

Exceptional

Hello Brad Bennett,
Nice piece of General Fiction having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting the Ghost Story in an impressive way.
Picture complements the story.
Interesting, Indeed! That's why "Contest Winner!" CONGRATULATIONS!!

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank You! RPSaxena. You've made my day. This rating will give me an all time best. Much appreciated.

reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank You! RPSaxena. You've made my day. This rating will give me an all time best. Much appreciated.

Comment from oliver818

Excellent

This is a great story, I really enjoyed reading it. It flows well and the ghost is really a fascinating and living character you did a great job of bringing to life. Thanks for sharing this and congratulations on winning the competition

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank you Oliver. I've had good luck with this story. My wife says I'm becoming a ghost writer. :>)

reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank you Oliver. I've had good luck with this story. My wife says I'm becoming a ghost writer. :>)

Comment from Michele Harber

Excellent

This is a very interesting story. I assumed, since this was an entry in a ghost story contest, that Gerald was a ghost but, to your credit, there's nothing in the dialogue to give that away. The dialogue is natural and believable, and the references to Mindy's anguish, tears and uncontrollable sobbing truly make you feel for her and want her to be saved. I appreciate that you wrote a ghost story without including the usual ghost story stereotypes.

Congratulations on winning the contest.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank you Michele, I couldn't remove the ghost designation, but It hasn't seemed to matter. Once my reader is into the story its put aside. I think ghost's are just people who regret a tragic life mistake?they come back for atonement.

reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Thank you Michele, I couldn't remove the ghost designation, but It hasn't seemed to matter. Once my reader is into the story its put aside. I think ghost's are just people who regret a tragic life mistake?they come back for atonement.

reply by Michele Harber on 02-Dec-2021

No, the "ghost" designation didn't matter at all. You created a kind, thoughtful character who just happened to have died years before.

I haven't quite made up my mind about ghosts yet, but my inclination is that they're people with unfinished business (good or bad) they need to complete before they can rest.

reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021

Good reply Michele. I also believe there are bad ghosts. But even they have a good reason to return. In my portfolio are two other ghost stories that touch on that.
-Flight to Fairbanks
-The Boy in the Attic

The Boy in the Attic is close to a real story in my early life.

reply by Michele Harber on 02-Dec-2021

Thank you. I'm going to be running out shortly, but I'll be happy to read your other stories when I get home. I'm relieved to say I have no personal ghost stories of my own to contribute. (I've often stated my religion as "devout coward.")

Comment from Jesse James Doty

Excellent

Wow, you did a fantastic job! I cannot find anything wrong with this ghost story! If you ask me, I wouldn't change a thing! I loved the title and the picture was erie as if it were really happening in real life! Gerald and Joey were from eighteen years ago what a phenomenon that is hard to understand! I am so glad Mindy was safe and didn't die as the late Joey did!
His father lost his son, and the ghost of Gerald came back to save Mindy from drowning the same way Joey did so many years ago.
Have a wonderful week, Brad, I do not know you but I would like to!
Take good care of yourself, my newfound friend!
Jesse

 Comment Written 01-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021

Thanks, Jesse. Not much to know about me, I retired as a creative director at an ad agency and took up my dream of writing. I guess selling beer and ice cream gave me a good outlook on what works. Always end on a smile?life is tough enough as it is.

Comment from Aprelle Johnson

Excellent

This writing was very good and I found myself invested in the story very easily. Your obviously a very talented writer and I have very little feedback other than it was great.

 Comment Written 01-Dec-2021

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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021

Thank you Aprelle. So glad you liked it.

Comment from dellsworthpoet

Excellent

This is a compelling short story. The tale is truthful enough to be realistic. The dialogue is good. The pace is appropriate. The ending is well handled.

If I were to change anything I would add more of the surroundings. Perhaps clouds and misty rain to enhance the dismal feeling. Maybe Gerald being in white to be the figure of relief. By the way the water could be a blackish, green of low light sea.

Just some suggestions to amp up the hopeless feeling and the beacon of light.

Thanks for a good read.

 Comment Written 30-Nov-2021

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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021

Thanks dellsworthpoet. So happy you liked it. I'll give those ideas some thought. But, I guess I wanted to paint such a dismal picture, it would make the ending that much more rewarding.

reply by dellsworthpoet on 01-Dec-2021

You are welcome.

Comment from Sherry Asbury

Excellent

Just great and makes one hold their breath. I think all of us have felt the need to die, but miraculously we don't do anything or someone stops us...a ghost? An angel? Or maybe a will deep inside us intercedes. If this is scratching, I have a big itch for more. Congrats on winning the contest with this touching story.

 Comment Written 30-Nov-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021

Thanks, Sherry. I do have another like this that won an international award short story contest. It's called 'Flight to Fairbanks.' It's in my home post.

reply by Sherry Asbury on 01-Dec-2021

I will find it!!

reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021

Thanks, it's in my portfolio. There are several in there you might like.

Comment from Soledadpaz

Excellent

Suggest: Her vision caught the man off to the side

Excellent dialogue. It displays the character's thoughts and actions quite clearly.

Suggest: Soon a van, with a Youth Services logo on its side, pulled up. Suggest add where it pulled up, next to the police cruiser perhaps.

Very well done! Wishing you luck in the contest.

Sol

 Comment Written 30-Nov-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021

Thanks, I added your suggestions. Glad you liked it.

Comment from lauralumummu

Exceptional

I love your story! It has an unexpected twist. The story is well written and interesting to read. I don't believe in ghosts but this story may help someone. All the best, Laura

 Comment Written 30-Nov-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021

Thank you for the Stars! So glad you liked it.