Remembering Yesterday
Viewing comments for Chapter 93 "Could Things Get Worse?"A widow's journey into her relationship with her
19 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Thank God you all lived through this chapter of your lives, even the cat! And I'm glad you didn't need a hysterectomy. Believe me, I understand how you felt after getting that transfusion. My Mom had surgery in the mid-80s also, with a transfusion as well, and was worried sick, for quite some time about that very thing -- what made it worse was the post-operative fevers she was getting. It became an obsession for awhile, and was very difficult for her.
Seven people in a hotel room, plus a cat -- it's a wonder that the hotel management even allowed it! And three of the kids all wearing crocheted house shoes.
Here are the spags and suggestions, not too many this time:
I had some vacation time coming, so went to the supervisor's office ...
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I had some vacation time coming, so I went to the supervisor's office ...
With that, you gave me quick kiss and left the room.
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With that, you gave me a quick kiss and left the room.
The next person in the room was a nurse to take my blood pressure.
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The next person in the room was a nurse who came to take my blood pressure.
that was making pitiful mournful noises from beneath the sofa.
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which was making pitiful, mournful noises from beneath the sofa.
Everything was soaked from the fireman's hoses, which managed to put out the fire.
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Everything was soaked from the firemen's hoses, but they managed to put out the fire.
What a way for you to start your retirement years.
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What a way for you to start your retirement years!
[the exclamation point is optional, but I think it's appropriate here]
***
This was definitely not one of your happier chapters. I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left, but I hope I'll catch your next chapter early in the coming week. You had a very mean boss! So, did you end up quitting after all, or were you able to continue working after that rejuvenating surgery? I would have wanted to find a new job, and gotten away from a boss like that.
It's too bad Connie and Don felt so bad about the fire -- it was poor judgment, but they really didn't realize what they were doing. I hope your family was well insured. God had His angels watching over your family that day, as He did on many other occasions.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Thank God you all lived through this chapter of your lives, even the cat! And I'm glad you didn't need a hysterectomy. Believe me, I understand how you felt after getting that transfusion. My Mom had surgery in the mid-80s also, with a transfusion as well, and was worried sick, for quite some time about that very thing -- what made it worse was the post-operative fevers she was getting. It became an obsession for awhile, and was very difficult for her.
Seven people in a hotel room, plus a cat -- it's a wonder that the hotel management even allowed it! And three of the kids all wearing crocheted house shoes.
Here are the spags and suggestions, not too many this time:
I had some vacation time coming, so went to the supervisor's office ...
-->
I had some vacation time coming, so I went to the supervisor's office ...
With that, you gave me quick kiss and left the room.
-->
With that, you gave me a quick kiss and left the room.
The next person in the room was a nurse to take my blood pressure.
-->
The next person in the room was a nurse who came to take my blood pressure.
that was making pitiful mournful noises from beneath the sofa.
-->
which was making pitiful, mournful noises from beneath the sofa.
Everything was soaked from the fireman's hoses, which managed to put out the fire.
-->
Everything was soaked from the firemen's hoses, but they managed to put out the fire.
What a way for you to start your retirement years.
-->
What a way for you to start your retirement years!
[the exclamation point is optional, but I think it's appropriate here]
***
This was definitely not one of your happier chapters. I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left, but I hope I'll catch your next chapter early in the coming week. You had a very mean boss! So, did you end up quitting after all, or were you able to continue working after that rejuvenating surgery? I would have wanted to find a new job, and gotten away from a boss like that.
It's too bad Connie and Don felt so bad about the fire -- it was poor judgment, but they really didn't realize what they were doing. I hope your family was well insured. God had His angels watching over your family that day, as He did on many other occasions.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for the review and comment and especially for your continuing help with the editing. You are a jewel. I plan to put another chapter on in a few hours. It will be great if you can read it.
Beth
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You're very welcome, Beth. I'm glad I reviewed it so close to the time when you posted the next chapter, so I didn't have to wait long to read about how your family recovered from the effects of the fire. Thanks for letting me know :-)
Comment from RetroStarfish
Wow - so much happening in this chapter. I'm glad you included all of the little things, such as the flood and sting with fire crackers leading up to the trip to the hospital. What drama -but wait, there's more!
The story of how the fire got to be so significant is interesting in itself and you explained it so well. So often people telling a complex story - especially one about themselves - get bogged down in details. You've done a great job here.
"What's the number for 911?" is hilarious. Keep those memories coming.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Wow - so much happening in this chapter. I'm glad you included all of the little things, such as the flood and sting with fire crackers leading up to the trip to the hospital. What drama -but wait, there's more!
The story of how the fire got to be so significant is interesting in itself and you explained it so well. So often people telling a complex story - especially one about themselves - get bogged down in details. You've done a great job here.
"What's the number for 911?" is hilarious. Keep those memories coming.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments. I'm glad you enjoy reading this.
Beth
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Bad things do tend to happen all at once, don't they. I am glad it wasn't worse.
The next morning, I had the surgery, and all those fresh pints of blood cells made a new woman out of me. (The following morning...)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Bad things do tend to happen all at once, don't they. I am glad it wasn't worse.
The next morning, I had the surgery, and all those fresh pints of blood cells made a new woman out of me. (The following morning...)
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Than you for the review. It does seem for me it is never just one thing going wrong.
Beth
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I love your conversational style of telling the important events of your life. What a gift to yourself and your children.
You had a really bad week, didn't you? Poor thing. Get it all over at once. What a recovery you must have had.
Take care and have a great weekend,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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I love your conversational style of telling the important events of your life. What a gift to yourself and your children.
You had a really bad week, didn't you? Poor thing. Get it all over at once. What a recovery you must have had.
Take care and have a great weekend,
Rhonda
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you Rhoda, I'm pleased you are reading this. I'm glad you like it.
Beth
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Beth, not everyone has been traumatized by having a fire in their house, but I have, so I can empathize with you. Our House in Gunnison, was never restored and a lot of things were destroyed by smoke.
Perhaps I would have been better off if I had had a blood transfusion too.(smile)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Dear Beth, not everyone has been traumatized by having a fire in their house, but I have, so I can empathize with you. Our House in Gunnison, was never restored and a lot of things were destroyed by smoke.
Perhaps I would have been better off if I had had a blood transfusion too.(smile)
Comment Written 14-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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I fire is very traumatic and one of worse property disasters. When I was a child a tornado took our house. I think a fire is the worst.
I appreciate the review.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
Oh my goodness! What a bunch of terrible things all at once. I hope you quit that job with that awful manager. And now both of you are not working, I hope you will have lots of quality time together. So glad everyone was safe. This was your Mississippi home, not your New Orleans, one, right?
One suggestion:
my physical condition to [the] point that I felt
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Oh my goodness! What a bunch of terrible things all at once. I hope you quit that job with that awful manager. And now both of you are not working, I hope you will have lots of quality time together. So glad everyone was safe. This was your Mississippi home, not your New Orleans, one, right?
One suggestion:
my physical condition to [the] point that I felt
Comment Written 14-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Thank ;you for the review and comment. No, we were still in New Orleans as this point. The fire was at the New Orleans home. Thanks for noticing the error.
Beth
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What an exciting post! Five pints of blood?! That's scary you needed so much. Connie and the fire was the last trauma you needed, but you survived. My goodness.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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What an exciting post! Five pints of blood?! That's scary you needed so much. Connie and the fire was the last trauma you needed, but you survived. My goodness.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Thank you Rebecca. Yes, that was an exciting chapter in my life and I probably was in more danger than I realized for allowing my blood count to get so low before going to the hospital. Sometimes everything goes wrong at once.
Beth
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Beth
How I wish that I could give you 6stars
Your writing is great and told very well of all the horrific happening you went through, especially, the fire was a bit intense.
Gert
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Hello Beth
How I wish that I could give you 6stars
Your writing is great and told very well of all the horrific happening you went through, especially, the fire was a bit intense.
Gert
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Thank you Gert. I really appreciate the review and comment and the virtual six.
Beth
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You are most welcome Beth
Gert
Comment from David Newkirk
I'm out of six stars, but I really liked this piece. I'm going to hit the fan button so that I can read more.
Things that worked really well:
- Sense of voice - the reader sees the narrator and her personality come through
- details in exposition - the reader is told what they need to know, when they need to know it. I had a professor tell me that writers ask readers to carry rocks up a hill, with the promise that it will be worth it. The writers goal is no unnecessary rocks, and I don't see many if any here.
-the dialogue - very believable
Suggestions:
- Add even more dialogue. Writers love exposition and struggle with dialogue (this is very true of me). Your exposition is very, very good, so less dialogue is ok, but just know that readers love dialogue.
So - very solid - wish I had more six stars.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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I'm out of six stars, but I really liked this piece. I'm going to hit the fan button so that I can read more.
Things that worked really well:
- Sense of voice - the reader sees the narrator and her personality come through
- details in exposition - the reader is told what they need to know, when they need to know it. I had a professor tell me that writers ask readers to carry rocks up a hill, with the promise that it will be worth it. The writers goal is no unnecessary rocks, and I don't see many if any here.
-the dialogue - very believable
Suggestions:
- Add even more dialogue. Writers love exposition and struggle with dialogue (this is very true of me). Your exposition is very, very good, so less dialogue is ok, but just know that readers love dialogue.
So - very solid - wish I had more six stars.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thank you for an excellent review. I really enjoyed reading you comments. I know readers love dialogue but I started this out as I'm reminding my dead husband of all the things that happened in our marriage. He can't answer so the whole thing is basically a monologue. I add additional dialogue when I feel in doesn't distract to much from the monologue. I really appreciate the fact that you think it is worthy of six stars.
Beth
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALL SURVIVED THESE SUNDRY DISASTERS! From day one of this saga, I've been spellbound with amazement that you're here to tell these harrowing talesssssssssssssssssssssssss
Don ... asked you and [I=>ME] to drive (asked ... ME)
the acting supervisor told [ME] to go.
handling heavy materials [which=>THAT] I could barely lift.
suffering from heavy [COMMA] almost constant [COMMA] bleeding [COMMA] which was becoming more severe by the day.
there were seven of us, plus a cat, [that was=>WHO WERE] forced to share one room.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALL SURVIVED THESE SUNDRY DISASTERS! From day one of this saga, I've been spellbound with amazement that you're here to tell these harrowing talesssssssssssssssssssssssss
Don ... asked you and [I=>ME] to drive (asked ... ME)
the acting supervisor told [ME] to go.
handling heavy materials [which=>THAT] I could barely lift.
suffering from heavy [COMMA] almost constant [COMMA] bleeding [COMMA] which was becoming more severe by the day.
there were seven of us, plus a cat, [that was=>WHO WERE] forced to share one room.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thank you Elizabeth, It was a bad ending to the year. I guess we were all lucky to have survived it. Thanks again for help with error and type. They won't let me nominate you again until the month is out.
Beth
