My Happy Place
Sometimes beauty sneaks up on you30 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Finding you happy place in Hawaii sounds just about right. Enjoyed your story. I would suggest you read your writing aloud to yourself. Listen for repeats of some phrases. Also, some of your paragraphs should be grouped into one as they are covering the same topic. Short paragraphs have a kind of choppy feel to them, whereas, longer ones seem more relaxing. Best of luck with this.
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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Finding you happy place in Hawaii sounds just about right. Enjoyed your story. I would suggest you read your writing aloud to yourself. Listen for repeats of some phrases. Also, some of your paragraphs should be grouped into one as they are covering the same topic. Short paragraphs have a kind of choppy feel to them, whereas, longer ones seem more relaxing. Best of luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work
Comment from greyson ernst
this is a really really good contest entry's you won my vote and good picture and as always keep writing and stay safe to you and yours happy new years
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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this is a really really good contest entry's you won my vote and good picture and as always keep writing and stay safe to you and yours happy new years
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
It sounds like you did what I need to remind myself when I'm going outside for my 40# pellet bags. I get inside and realize, 'You didn't even notice...the whole time you were out there.' The next time I went out, I noticed, the beautiful sky, the naked branches against the sky and white puffy clouds. You did that too in this account. "When you're trudging up a steep hill with 75 pounds on your back it's hard to appreciate your surroundings." This was wonderful.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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It sounds like you did what I need to remind myself when I'm going outside for my 40# pellet bags. I get inside and realize, 'You didn't even notice...the whole time you were out there.' The next time I went out, I noticed, the beautiful sky, the naked branches against the sky and white puffy clouds. You did that too in this account. "When you're trudging up a steep hill with 75 pounds on your back it's hard to appreciate your surroundings." This was wonderful.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from LJbutterfly
The mind is a magnificent camera and you verbalized a picture so clear I could easily visualize it. I appreciated the glossary in your author's notes, but your descriptions were so well written that the reader could understand all of the meanings while reading the story. I enjoyed this very creative piece.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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The mind is a magnificent camera and you verbalized a picture so clear I could easily visualize it. I appreciated the glossary in your author's notes, but your descriptions were so well written that the reader could understand all of the meanings while reading the story. I enjoyed this very creative piece.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from roof35
I did enjoy this story and could picture the scene from your view on the hill. It is well written. Just a suggestion--there some spots where you might want to employ commas.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I did enjoy this story and could picture the scene from your view on the hill. It is well written. Just a suggestion--there some spots where you might want to employ commas.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That sounds amazing. I'd love to go there and see it for myself. Have you ever thought to go back with your camera? There are different silences in the world, the silence I used to feel when we lived in the mountains in Spain was one of the purest. I've never 'heard' a silence like it since we returned home to England. I enjoyed reading your story about 1010. I would have to be carried up with my legs as they are. Well done, and good luck! Happy New Year. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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That sounds amazing. I'd love to go there and see it for myself. Have you ever thought to go back with your camera? There are different silences in the world, the silence I used to feel when we lived in the mountains in Spain was one of the purest. I've never 'heard' a silence like it since we returned home to England. I enjoyed reading your story about 1010. I would have to be carried up with my legs as they are. Well done, and good luck! Happy New Year. Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you Sandra, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from Sanku
A beautiful description of Hawaii, but your ledge on Hill1010 is brilliant .I enjoyed reading your trip up and your 20 minute rest that would remain in your mind for ever.all the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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A beautiful description of Hawaii, but your ledge on Hill1010 is brilliant .I enjoyed reading your trip up and your 20 minute rest that would remain in your mind for ever.all the best for the contest.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from Carlos' girl
interesting style of writing; it's written in a very logical manner. Were you a drill sergeant in the service?
A few grammatical errors:
para 4: so white you swear
s/b so white you'd swear.
para 5: but as an infantry squad leader I would
s/b but as an infantry squad leader, I would
para 6: of the gulches you swear
s/b of the gulches you'd swear
para 26: relaxing too, I had to
s/b relaxing too; I had to
para 27: people laughed at me in years later;
s/b people laughed at me in years later;
Note: Tense is present or present perfect and written accordingly as per rules of tense.
Note: The use of a comma versus a semi- colon follows exact rules of punctuation and isn't interchangeable.
interesting poem or story which uses a repetitive and logical style to present an event in a very logical fashion.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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interesting style of writing; it's written in a very logical manner. Were you a drill sergeant in the service?
A few grammatical errors:
para 4: so white you swear
s/b so white you'd swear.
para 5: but as an infantry squad leader I would
s/b but as an infantry squad leader, I would
para 6: of the gulches you swear
s/b of the gulches you'd swear
para 26: relaxing too, I had to
s/b relaxing too; I had to
para 27: people laughed at me in years later;
s/b people laughed at me in years later;
Note: Tense is present or present perfect and written accordingly as per rules of tense.
Note: The use of a comma versus a semi- colon follows exact rules of punctuation and isn't interchangeable.
interesting poem or story which uses a repetitive and logical style to present an event in a very logical fashion.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, no I wasn't a drill sergeant, just an infantry squad leader. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I enjoyed reading your story which takes the reader to Hawai. The simple style of narration is impressive. Yes.Nature rules. Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.Good luck in the contest!
May 2021 be an extraordinary one!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I enjoyed reading your story which takes the reader to Hawai. The simple style of narration is impressive. Yes.Nature rules. Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.Good luck in the contest!
May 2021 be an extraordinary one!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank-you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. you stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment from lyenochka
That's a beautiful description. And perhaps you worked so hard carrying 75 pounds uphill before you took that breathtaking view, that you appreciated it even more so. Super job telling us about your Happy Place. So glad you got to see it! I grew up on Oahu but I don't think I've been there. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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That's a beautiful description. And perhaps you worked so hard carrying 75 pounds uphill before you took that breathtaking view, that you appreciated it even more so. Super job telling us about your Happy Place. So glad you got to see it! I grew up on Oahu but I don't think I've been there. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work. Stay safe and healthy in the new year.
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Happy New Year, Earl!!
