Reviews from

returning to the cliffs

throwback to the year

16 total reviews 
Comment from rama devi
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Intense theme and striking, stark imagery. The voicing style captures the mood well, and the alliteration adds emphasis, especially here:

you glance down,
spread your arms
and try to fly above
the dance of death

Those lines gave me chills!

So did these lines:

there is no flight back,
upwards onto the cliff

Once one jumps, the decision is final. Well said.

Superb AHA in the closing:

even the ivy retreats
from the cliff face,
for it is no place to roam


The phonics in phrasing are superb there, too...the V and F sounds combination with assonant O, consonant L and alliterated R work well rest aloud.


Bravo for a tight, polished poem on an intense issue delivering both insight and wisdom (in the closing!)

Bravo

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
    Oh wow, thank you Rama! Your review was genuinely so helpful, thanks for taking the time to write it. The six stars are also much appreciated x
reply by rama devi on 14-Dec-2020
    :-))) Thanks for your gracious response.
Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Bichon.This almost sounds like the cliffs are a place of suicide at this moment. It seems an awsome site. I like how the font color matches the water. You have one rhyme foam/roam in this free verse poem
Joan

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thank you so much Joan. I hope you have a good weekend, my friend x
reply by dragonpoet on 10-Dec-2020
    You are most kindly welcome, Bichon
    Joan
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a scary write as the anticipation of a fall could be dangerous, but the scene is magical as long as we stay back and keep away from the edge, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 09-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thanks Dolly! I do not think I would get that close to the edge, I cannot swim!!
Comment from Lucy de Welles
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Outstanding piece, Chloe. The photo is so powerful and the color palette you chose is absolutely amazing. Hats off to you!
The reader can feel the terror and awesomeness of looking over the cliff, and the decision to be made. Jump or not jump! There is no going back if you jump.
Top notch writing,
Lucy

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
    Aww, thank you Lucy! I can always count on you for such sweet and encouraging reviews. Thank you for making me smile :) xx
reply by Lucy de Welles on 14-Dec-2020
    Thank you for making ME smile :)
    How's school?
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2020
    College is good, thank you! This is my last week for semester one, so I will have some weeks off to chill out. More time for me to read my books!!
reply by Lucy de Welles on 14-Dec-2020
    Reading books is heaven on earth! What's in your stack?
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your poem is interesting and it really pulled me in as a reader. I don't know your work so I don't know the history of the story. It sounds to me like the man dies but I can't be sure.
I like the language you use very much, such as:
"there is no flight back,
upwards onto the cliff"
and
"even the ivy retreats
from the cliff face,"
Your poem has a nice flow to it.
The artwork and the colors you use are beautiful. However...
My eyes are good so I had no trouble reading the turquoise on gray background.
I have heard, however, over and over again on this site that contest judges as well as older folks whose eyesight is not great don't like to read poems where the type size is quite small (as yours is) or when the there isn't much contrast betwen the color of the type and the background (like it is here.) Older people generally have a lot of trouble reading when there is so little color contrast so they skip reading it.
I have had to change poems I made artistically beautiful to less beautiful, more readable ones. It isn't fun but people have to be able to read your good work.
Best of luck in your future writing.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thank you Cynthia! I will keep that in mind with the text. Usually I post from my phone so I do not have the advanced editing features there. Would it be better if I bolded the text?
reply by Cynthia Adams1 on 10-Dec-2020
    Yes I think bold is better. I pretty much bold all the time now.
    It doesn't make my stories better stories, but they can see them better :)
    Best of the holidays to you and yours
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The symbolism in this concise, vividly descriptive poem conveys a strong message about the chaos of the present time. Many people--for various reasons--feel they are teetering on a sort of cliff.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thanks Janice! You are very correct, you can be teetering on a cliff emotionally too x
Comment from Pam (respa)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-Very nice image and
presentation, Chloe.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-You wrote a very good poem
about these cliffs.
-Effective imagery that tells a story:
"sharp with menace," and
"waves rush hungrily."
-Very good concluding verses, too.
-I enjoyed your poem.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thanks Pam! Your reviews are always insightful, and make me feel like I have done a good job, so thank you for that x
reply by Pam (respa) on 10-Dec-2020
    You are very welcome, Chloe, and you do a good job!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well-written poem about contemplating about the wisdom of jumping off the cliff where no one can see what is beneath the raging waters, once you jumped there's no turning back.

 Comment Written 08-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thanks Sandra! That is very true, there is no turning back. Maybe if we had wings though..
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I do remember your short story - more like a novella. I think you did a great job with that and this poem fits that so well - like at the end of the book. I like your personification of the cliff's rocks and their "eroded desire."

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thank you so much Helen! It still means a lot to me that you read the original story and stuck through with it xx
reply by lyenochka on 10-Dec-2020
    💖😊
Comment from Gert sherwood
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello Bichon your poem returning to the cliffs is excellent. With you way with words, I could vision the rocks below with their sharp points to rip ones flesh. Plus of the vision of why
I say the reader will see why you said it's no place to roam.
Gert

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Thanks Gert! I do not think I have seen you around for a while, how are you keeping?
reply by Gert sherwood on 10-Dec-2020
    You are welcome Bichon
    I'm taking leave from Fanstory,
    I will be back soon as I myself edit and get my poem book printed.
    Gert