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Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Feathers"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
10 total reviews
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I find this chapter very interesting and intriguing. It is full of mystery which genre I love. Unfortunately, I have missed the earlier chapters. I'm just one week old on this site. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I find this chapter very interesting and intriguing. It is full of mystery which genre I love. Unfortunately, I have missed the earlier chapters. I'm just one week old on this site. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. Do you know how to get to read other writing of members? If not, I can guide you. I had a friend help me & much I figured out be trial & error. Because if you get to my portfolio, you can read my previous chapters. There is no need for writing a review. Just enjoy it And welcome. I will help you with any questions.
Comment from Jay Squires
What an interesting chapter. I hadn't heard of that particular hallucinogen, though I'm familiar with Peyote.
Over the course of reading your chapter, I found several things you might want to consider:
We've had been given the black drink! [We've had been given? It doesn't feel right. I believe it's "We'd been given."]
on the side rearview mirror, [I believe it's called simply the sideview mirror.]
She even got Liz to believe [Is she talking, or thinking, about herself? This whole sentence is confusing me.]
Where the angels when I was being disappeared? [Where WERE? the angels ...]
Thank you for sharing your fiction with us.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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What an interesting chapter. I hadn't heard of that particular hallucinogen, though I'm familiar with Peyote.
Over the course of reading your chapter, I found several things you might want to consider:
We've had been given the black drink! [We've had been given? It doesn't feel right. I believe it's "We'd been given."]
on the side rearview mirror, [I believe it's called simply the sideview mirror.]
She even got Liz to believe [Is she talking, or thinking, about herself? This whole sentence is confusing me.]
Where the angels when I was being disappeared? [Where WERE? the angels ...]
Thank you for sharing your fiction with us.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic, supportive review. I have edited your suggestions. You are welcome to read the previous chapters on my portfolio. There is no need to write a review. Just enjoy.
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Thank you for the offer. I'll take a look at them.
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good, just breeze through them at your own pace, no review necessary.
Comment from Ben B.
Ok so this dream with the angels in it, was it to motivate those two to keep going. Does sound like they needed the pick me up given their situation.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Ok so this dream with the angels in it, was it to motivate those two to keep going. Does sound like they needed the pick me up given their situation.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your interested review. Yes, plus they finally were silent and had no one around to help but themselves. They both have spent their lifetimes helping others, coming up short on self-care. And yest if you read any of the first 13 chapters, there they are again helping others, but learning something from it.
Comment from aryr
Well done Liz. I really enjoyed reading about the different side effects of the Black Drink between Liz and Linda. It is not surprising that they should differ. It was a very informative chapter for those not of the people.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Well done Liz. I really enjoyed reading about the different side effects of the Black Drink between Liz and Linda. It is not surprising that they should differ. It was a very informative chapter for those not of the people.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your inspiring review. I'm so glad you appreciate my efforts.
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Most welcome Liz
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Most welcome Liz
Comment from lyenochka
I like that even though these two friends are very similar, their reaction to the black drink - in the manner of how each drank it and the dreams that each had are so very different. Seems like Aandeg makes a very good psychologist. Wonder how these dreams will affect their future decisions.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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I like that even though these two friends are very similar, their reaction to the black drink - in the manner of how each drank it and the dreams that each had are so very different. Seems like Aandeg makes a very good psychologist. Wonder how these dreams will affect their future decisions.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you appreciate my efforts.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow! I never knew some of the ways of the Native American tribes... you've not only entertained, Liz, but educated us all a bit! ;) Great chapter and good luck with the next! ;)
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Wow! I never knew some of the ways of the Native American tribes... you've not only entertained, Liz, but educated us all a bit! ;) Great chapter and good luck with the next! ;)
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you appreciate my efforts.
Comment from Mistydawn
That would be horrid being covered in birds the way she was. Thankfully, it was just a nightmare. It sounds like the drink did good for Linda, gave her what she needed. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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That would be horrid being covered in birds the way she was. Thankfully, it was just a nightmare. It sounds like the drink did good for Linda, gave her what she needed. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your interested review. I'm glad you are still enjoying it. Everytime I post a new one I get so nervous.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Liz. Thanks for the assist with the font.
You have a knack for the unusual in storytelling. Some good images throughout, like here:"I know my nerves are connected to my brain because I can feel pain. I would grade it as a 10 on the numeric pain scale, 10 being the highest. And the face pain-chart should have a grimace because that was what I am doing.She stretched her arms, legs, and torso to get some blood flowing back into her lifeless limbs, ribs, and spine."
"Suggestions if I may: Strunk and White's little book on punctuation tells us that although "he said" "she said" may sound trite at times it is still the best tag by far,
So when you use tags like this, " Liz offered" and this, "reminded Linda" they prove to be distractions instead of flowing the writing
Also: Tight writing is always best. By this I mean cut out any words not needed like here: ""Okay, good." Liz returned to her seat behind the steering wheel." (cut steering)
Keep at it Liz. Bob
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Hi Liz. Thanks for the assist with the font.
You have a knack for the unusual in storytelling. Some good images throughout, like here:"I know my nerves are connected to my brain because I can feel pain. I would grade it as a 10 on the numeric pain scale, 10 being the highest. And the face pain-chart should have a grimace because that was what I am doing.She stretched her arms, legs, and torso to get some blood flowing back into her lifeless limbs, ribs, and spine."
"Suggestions if I may: Strunk and White's little book on punctuation tells us that although "he said" "she said" may sound trite at times it is still the best tag by far,
So when you use tags like this, " Liz offered" and this, "reminded Linda" they prove to be distractions instead of flowing the writing
Also: Tight writing is always best. By this I mean cut out any words not needed like here: ""Okay, good." Liz returned to her seat behind the steering wheel." (cut steering)
Keep at it Liz. Bob
Comment Written 16-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you are appreciating its uniqueness.
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Keep at t Liz. Bob
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Very nice. This was an enjoyable read. The story line is interesting and it progresses at a good, not rushed pace. The dialogue is real. Your chapter easily kept my interest.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Very nice. This was an enjoyable read. The story line is interesting and it progresses at a good, not rushed pace. The dialogue is real. Your chapter easily kept my interest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your interested review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from Fonda Little
My favorite part was, "Opening the door, she noticed a murder of crows beginning to gather around the car, covering the hood.", because I didn't know a group of crows was called a murder until I read this so thank you I learned something new today because of this!
The Lord led me to this verse after I read this,
2 Corinthians 5:17 King James Version (KJV)
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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My favorite part was, "Opening the door, she noticed a murder of crows beginning to gather around the car, covering the hood.", because I didn't know a group of crows was called a murder until I read this so thank you I learned something new today because of this!
The Lord led me to this verse after I read this,
2 Corinthians 5:17 King James Version (KJV)
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your involved review. The quote indeed embraces the action going on, just from a difference means, more related to Native myth. I had to look up "what are a group of crows called. It's perfect for the situation too. Isn't it.
