Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

You don't seem to find a [damn] thing wrong with it. I was wondering if used Damn as a cuss word back then of if people even knew the word. I have had trouble getting 'into' your story. This chapter was good. Well done Mikey. Nancy Nancy

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014

Hi. I'll look into that. This is rather difficult to write to be honest. The real story is at the end. So, this is expanding what comes before it really. I'm working on it! Hopefully it is improving and will some more. Thanks for the honest input, that's what I need! mikey

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Terrific scene. He has real feelings for her, and she has noticed. That makes all the difference. You are such a romantic, despite your awful last chapter. I really hated it... LOL! All those people killed by hairy elephant. Just doesn't seem right. :)

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2014

Comment from Michaelk

Excellent

This was an interesting turn. I liked that they weren't instant friends, but he is still winning her over. I find it interesting that one or both of them always wind up having some measure of influence. What would happen if they were both homeless people? Just a thought. Great chapter, I like that you're changing things up a little.

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 Comment Written 08-Sep-2014

Comment from amanda98653

Excellent

An awesome continuity!

A high-ranking soldier who's unrequitedly in love with his servant. I like it.

Suggestions:

1. The smile was genuine, but there was a (trace of) nervousness to it as well.

2. It isn't me (,) Allutia. This is the way of things

3. What would you have me do on a battlefield? Blow kisses to the enemy that is trying to kill me(?)"

Hugs

Amanda

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 Comment Written 08-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014

Hi! I have to do the corrections in your other review too and tell you how wonderful it is and all of that. Thank you!!!! I am so delighted to see that word, continuity. Yea. This is the first thing I've ever written that I have to think about. Hahaha. The original piece got to the modern day story rather quickly and focused on it mainly with a lot of me blathering in the background! Now, I have to make it tie together like a writer or something. This is based on a real life incident and that is where the story eventually ends up. But, I have to make all of this stuff leading up to that interesting. Thank you. If you have any ideas or worries, let me know! mikey