Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

I think the clue is the unknown lady didn't want Lisa to call the police. That is a tip-off that the door should definitely stay closed. I like that Lisa is able to move on and focus on the possibility of a cute officer who might need a cup of coffee.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023

Thank you for the review. Yes that was a big clue. When she got angry and started cursing that was for sure a reason to call the police. I appreciate your comments.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Great job with your screenplay! I remember this story because it happened to your daughter and that was really smart of her not to open the door! These kinds of things really do happen and prey on the kindness of people.
I don't think the Committee will count on your scriptwriting formatting. I know I had to look some things up for mine. There are lots of rules including starting with FADE IN and ending with FADE OUT but it probably isn't required. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023

I knew when I wrote this that only one person would remember reading anything like this before. I was right. Yes, I read about the fade in and fade outs, but I not bothering to write to please the committee. I don't expect to win with them. I just get to add a script to my list Two more and I get in the ranking. LOL

Comment from forestport12

Exceptional

Well done. You set the scene without being wordy and got us into the moment. The ensuing scene had me forget it was a screenplay as I was living in the moment. It does sound like the start of nice screenplay.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023

Thank you for a great review. I'm so glad you liked this and found in worthy of six stars. I appreciate you comments.
Beth

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

An excellent screenplay, and an important message about safetyfor women on their own. The woman became quite alarmed at the thought of police coming, so she was doubtless involved in a strategy for home invasion.
Well written. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023

Thank you Wendy. I really the review and the comments. I'm glad you like it and I hope those who read it are aware of the dangers of opening to door to strangers in the night.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I think I agree with you Beth, but the temptation to open the door for what appeared to be a young girl in distress is overwhelming, and home invasions are on the rise here, with elderly folk at home, or any single female, beautifully written scrip,t, good job, Beth, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you Roy, I appreciate the nice review.
Beth

reply by royowen on 08-Oct-2023

Most welcome

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Good advice. That woman changed from being frantic to being hateful. Not a good sign. Now, I'm worried about the old couple next door. Once I've locked up for the night, I never answer the door. Anyone who knows me will call first. Being old and alone, every way of entering my home has an alarm on it and the system is monitored.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you Yvonne, This story was based closely on what happened to my daughter. The cops did find this pair and arrest them, but I didn't put all that in my story. They had gone to another neighborhood.
Beth

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

This is a great write, Beth. You keep surprising me, an pleasantly so. Now you've suddenly written a screenplay and very well at that. It was absolutely the right thing what she did. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you Ulla, I'm glad you liked this. Thank for the great review and comments.
Beth

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. If it's dark outside and I am by myself there's no way I'm answering the door. You're right, it's dangerous. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you for the review and comments. I wouldn't open mind either and thankfully my daughter didn't either when this happened to her and her roommate was out of town.

Comment from Lea Tonin1

Excellent

Wow! Don't have a clue how to write a screen play. But I don't need to know how to write one to recognize good writing! I like that you wrote out the characters and who they are. I think that's a bonus!
Having said that, I see no issues with spelling, punctuation sentence structure, grammar or subject matter. I see a well put together scene it was riveting. I would like to find out what happens next captured me too so for myself as a reader. If something doesn't interest me right away, I tend to get bored set it aside and get something else.
So I'd say great job best of luck I look forward to your next submission!

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you Lea. I'm glad you liked reading this. This actaully happened to my daughter. She was tempted to let the girl in but thankfully decided not to. This is a very nice review.
Beth

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

This is an engaging story, Beth. I think Lisa did the right thing . If she had opened the door to help she was inviting trouble. Calling 911 for help would have been the right call. I didn't see any spags. Well done. Nancy:)

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2023

Thank you Nancy. I appreciate your review and comments. I've not seen you name pop up lately. Of course FanStory refuses to tell me when you post. I don't know why.
Beth