Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Football Chapter 19 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
25 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Point taken re the note--realistic rendering of her remark in that regard. I am not familiar with the duties of a coach; regardless, this rings true--dialog is spot-on, as always!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
  |
Point taken re the note--realistic rendering of her remark in that regard. I am not familiar with the duties of a coach; regardless, this rings true--dialog is spot-on, as always!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
My father coached baseball. All four of my boys participated in football, baseball, and track. Also 2 in basketball, one in wrestling, and one in weight lifting. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lancellot
A well written chapter. I am glad you it brought up the unfairness of having big lineman race the girls track team. Perhaps next chapter we'll find out why Gabriel agreed to it. Why publicly shame his boys, in lose lose game? What did they do to the girls?
Waiting for next.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
|
A well written chapter. I am glad you it brought up the unfairness of having big lineman race the girls track team. Perhaps next chapter we'll find out why Gabriel agreed to it. Why publicly shame his boys, in lose lose game? What did they do to the girls?
Waiting for next.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
We shall see. I raised 2 lineman. The other two were running backs. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
A short chapter, but a good one to set the reader up for the coming race.
he smiled and turned. "Girls, let get started. We're just doing stretches." [It might be just me, but I don't think you made it clear enough that Katherine left the presence of the coach and the principal. I kept waiting for her to chime in after Gabriel's remarks, but she didn't. I could only assume she wasn't there. Of course it becomes clear at the end of the scene, but I think just a sentence after the above, to show that she actually left, would be helpful. Just my thought.]
I could see your writer-brain working to make sure that Gabriel had a reason for coming by after the game. Very subtle, but good.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
 |
A short chapter, but a good one to set the reader up for the coming race.
he smiled and turned. "Girls, let get started. We're just doing stretches." [It might be just me, but I don't think you made it clear enough that Katherine left the presence of the coach and the principal. I kept waiting for her to chime in after Gabriel's remarks, but she didn't. I could only assume she wasn't there. Of course it becomes clear at the end of the scene, but I think just a sentence after the above, to show that she actually left, would be helpful. Just my thought.]
I could see your writer-brain working to make sure that Gabriel had a reason for coming by after the game. Very subtle, but good.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
I will work on that area. Thank you for pointing it out.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
When I taught school, I could always keep my football players straight by threatening to take their moms to meet the coach just before the game, during half-time, or right after the game. "Anything but that, Mrs. Holland." I loved football season.
Why do I feel something ominous is about to happen?
Jan
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
|
barbara:
When I taught school, I could always keep my football players straight by threatening to take their moms to meet the coach just before the game, during half-time, or right after the game. "Anything but that, Mrs. Holland." I loved football season.
Why do I feel something ominous is about to happen?
Jan
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
So you do understand the effect Moms have on football players. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This I another good chapter, Barbara. I like how you're building the suspense leading to the race, and the light hearted rivalry.
One little spag: " Gabriel's headed this in direction." Reverse in and this.ð???
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
|
This I another good chapter, Barbara. I like how you're building the suspense leading to the race, and the light hearted rivalry.
One little spag: " Gabriel's headed this in direction." Reverse in and this.ð???
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
I have made the correction. My brain read it in the correct order. Thank you.
-
My brain works that way sometimes too. Lol
Comment from eliz100
This installment was easy reading and you moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. It is nice to read you again. I was off a while myself. The picture matches the story. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
|
This installment was easy reading and you moved the story along nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. It is nice to read you again. I was off a while myself. The picture matches the story. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
Poor Katherine, she's stressing about going down to the field to intercept and obtain the route map of the upcoming run. But Gabe in characteristic fashion promises to bring a copy of it. I wonder if he forgets...what then? Great scribing Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : Good(,) Gabriel's headed (in) this direction. 2 I don't have a map of (the) tomorrow's course.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
|
Poor Katherine, she's stressing about going down to the field to intercept and obtain the route map of the upcoming run. But Gabe in characteristic fashion promises to bring a copy of it. I wonder if he forgets...what then? Great scribing Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : Good(,) Gabriel's headed (in) this direction. 2 I don't have a map of (the) tomorrow's course.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
-
Thank you for the help. I've made the corrections.
-
Most welcome Barbara
Comment from Sankey
Once again, as always, a good read. I look forward to every Monday, my time. Just one suggestion. let(s) or('s) get started. Americans are funny about the apostrophe before the "s" let's as in "let us" I propose.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
|
Once again, as always, a good read. I look forward to every Monday, my time. Just one suggestion. let(s) or('s) get started. Americans are funny about the apostrophe before the "s" let's as in "let us" I propose.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
-
I will search that out. Thank out.
Comment from nomi338
I love how normal the situations you write about seem. Some writers seem to feel the need for a crisis in each episode. This leaves the reader in an overloaded state, which is tiring and could cause the reader to lose interest and move on to a story less taxing to read. Good work.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
|
I love how normal the situations you write about seem. Some writers seem to feel the need for a crisis in each episode. This leaves the reader in an overloaded state, which is tiring and could cause the reader to lose interest and move on to a story less taxing to read. Good work.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
-
Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it.
Comment from Begin Again
Another well-written chapter pitting men against women... which we all know men don't have a chance! Enjoyed the tit for tat and the fact that Gabriel will be stopping by tonight... Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
|
Another well-written chapter pitting men against women... which we all know men don't have a chance! Enjoyed the tit for tat and the fact that Gabriel will be stopping by tonight... Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 06-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2021
-
Of course, they don't. They're only men. LOL Thank you for dropping by.
