Beyond All Hope of Re-pare by Elizabeth Emerald Artwork by helvi2 at FanArtReview.com |
Recently, of late, at various and sundry several points in time, during these past weeks, over the prior seven autumn months of fall, and throughout this fair Equinotic summer season--which began commencing and concluding on the cusp of this glorious springtime solstice of the previous winter--many burgeoning thoughts and budding ideas room-mating amongst themselves in the utmost, deepest shallows of my mind--of which I was and am out of, being literally wrecked on the wrack of despair--increasingly began to start to germinate into seeds--which shortly thereafter proceeded to blossom into full flower and take root--and which have, as a result, taken it upon themselves to branch out--and forthwith setting forth, merrily meandered, ever so mournfully, down the tines that pointedly emerge from the triplicate forks of the bifurcated garden path--unavoidably leading, equivocally, to the inexecrable conclusion--to wit, that it would henceforth most certainly greatly behoove we Americans--each and every one and all, whom are so proud of our ancient regimen, stretching backwards towards eons of time--nearly a thousand years or more, to the extinct ice ages of dinosaurs--whom, in the deepest, coldest, heat of the unflammable, fiery sun--roamed heaven and earth, when it was newly born anew, at the very first instant of evolutionary cretinism--wherein both you and I--and all our before-fathers and ancestral descendants, and all other human beans in the planet--were still butt apes in the dessert sands of time--until we came up from the tropical, ever green, palm trees, and finally walked on all fours--as we do to this very day--with the capacity of lower thought and learning--with which we should most gravely contemplate the contemptuous condition of the state of curriculas of our uninequitable system of educationally destructional metho-dullardgy--in accordance with which, it is high time--indeed, high and low, before and after, air-port to star-ship, and vicer versa--for I to proceed, at this, the present point in time to come--to profoundly propound, expound, and expand, constrictively--upon the completely devastating decimation of what I have seen, heard, and surveyed in my many fold observations--as I blindly view, literally, with starey eyes, wide ass the deepest ocean sea--the most utmost, deeply deplorable state--the absolute and total appallation, the irony and the ecstasy, of language education in our English-sized American country--specifically and principally, mainly in its irrelevance such as pertains in regards to the afar and a wide spread misabusage of our parental native-American mother tongue--in the home-town of our country--wherein my domestic-catted pet peeve is, alas, a mute point--which cries out loud unclear as a cow-bull--almost entire virtual illiteracity, and complete and udder ignoramuses--which literally tears a-shred the fabrication of our country--whose melting pot is literally cooked to a crisp--boiling over and over again and again in tragic irony, just as Hell hath no furry like a women scorched, or, like the weeping tears of our country burnt beyond cognition--which has been, and which still, up and including to this very present future day and forward, continues to proceed--ruinning rampantly confined in these centennial states of America, speeding exponentially through the land--like so many Octopis in the ocean, times each ten testicles--which is to say that, the future of the English language has been, for innumerously countless years, and immutable twelve-year decades, during the preceding 19th century--including the present current century, and for timeless eternity neverafter--have shamefully, with malice before thought--preceded to mangle, mall, and mute late--afar and away beyond none and all glimmer of hope and most ungodly prayer, of any kind and decree of recovery--both in the past, the present, and, nor thirdly, at any point in the unforeseeable future, as far and near as it may deign to be--irregardless of reverence--whether or not whatever ills should henceforth occur, or otherwise happen to transpire--and lastly, in final ending conclusion, kindly permit and allow--secondly, third, and four most, so as in order to for stall any resemblance of understanding--such as may have been occasioned by vice or virtue of the noncontextual text in the four mentioned recursive discourse of the dialog above--should such be miss unconstrued out of contest untended--in continuation of which I hummingly beg and implore you to please make misunderstood--that I feel deeply, untruthfully, most badly, for they whom read and miss-spell ill-literally--not due to oxy moronic idiocy on their be half--but rather suffer from a surfeit of proper grammatical construction, merely on fortunate account of not affording the most fine nest egg vacation, such as--no thanks in large part to my superfluous, pecker bull, grammer teacher--had been gratuitously granted to I, whom is and am--and I humbly declaim and declare this in the utmost most modest pompousity--the penultimate model epitome of erudite electrocution. Pull the switch and put me out of your misery.
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Elizabeth Emerald
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