Exceptional Bemoaning grammatical I-sores In Defense of the M-Word by Elizabeth Emerald Artwork by avmurray at FanArtReview.com

When I was in sixth grade--50 years ago!--my teacher, the fearsome Miss Fleming, had us play a weekly game. We would put our heads down--on the desk top, over crossed arms, with eyes closed--no peeking! Miss Fleming would then silently select a designated "tapper," who would proceed to mill about quietly, home in on the target of his choice, tap said target's shoulder, then scurry back to his own seat. Miss Fleming would then allow us to sit up and watch as the "tap-ee" queried one student after the other, until--by default, if not before--he'd find out who had tapped him. The question-and-answer session proceeded according to Miss Fleming's strict script: "Was it you, Don?" Don: "No, it was not I." "Was it you, Sue?" Sue: "No, it was not I." "Was it you, Joe?" Joe: "Yes, it was I." Such were the days when grammatical--rather than "political"--correctness reigned. Today, the expression "It's me" has become idiomatic to the point that to say "It is I" comes across as pretentious. "Hoi polloi" has thus trumped "hoity-toity." Alas, for the late Miss Fleming and her pedantic ilk--when it comes to usage rules, the common majority rules, however WRONG they be. Alas, for the rest of us--there has been an ironic backlash to this trend. In retribution for our being allowed to utter the ungrammatical "It's me," the humble M-word has been unjustly proscribed for usage elsewhere, even in places it rightfully belongs. The mighty "I" has usurped it, case notwithstanding--that is, objectively as well as subjectively. Seems like everybody does it. (Except me.) Accustomed to having been rightly corrected-- "He and I are going" vs "Me and him are going" --these people wrongly extrapolate case rules from the subjective to the objective. The unfortunate result is such barbarisms as "Give it to he and I" vs "Give it to him and me." I wince whenever I hear it. I can tolerate the unpretentiously incorrect construction: "Me and him are going" far more easily than its unwittingly "over-corrected" (i.e., WRONG) counterpart: "Give it to he and I." I fear that I am consigned to permanent imprisonment--solitary confinement--in Cringe City's Over-Correctional Institute, here in the lonely heart of "No-Me's" Land. I'd held out some hope for a pardon last year: President Obama had seemed quite amenable when we spoke. Alas, he closed our call with these filing instructions: "Send copies of your request to the Attorney General and l." Recognized Author Notes Thanks to avmurray for the artwork: Fantasy Bird I trust the reader will forgive the fictitious quote attributed to (then) President Obama. I justify the fabrication on account of having heard his wince-worthy "...for Michelle and I" in an (I hope!) off-the-cuff remark.

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