Pons and Ned get some input from others while at the pet store.
Pons: Hey, Ned, look who's here.
Pons holds out his left arm to present two women.
Ned: Gosh, Pons, I ain't hardly fixt up fer no datin'.
Judi: Dating? I'm not here for a date.
Yvonne: Definitely not here for dating.
Pons: No, no, of course not. I'm sorry. Ned these ladies have an opinion on what kind of pet you should get.
Ned: Well, er ya gonna intradouche me?
Pons: Of course, Ned, this is Judi and this is Yvonne.
Ned: So you ladies're friends a Pons?
Pons: Actually -- Bill knows them.
Ned: I git it. You two're here 'cause yer axperts on aminals and such.
Judi: I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, but I do have an opinion on puppy mills and retail stores that sell vulnerable pets to whomever gives them money.
Ned: What's a puppy mill?
Judi: It's a place where people raise dogs for money.
Ned: Does it matter how bigga dawg is? Do ya git the same amount fer pickin' up a wiener dawg as fer a lapperdoor?
Pons: She means raising them -- like you would children.
Ned: Ya mean they got --
Pons: No, Ned. There aren't kiddy mills.
Yvonne: I know why I am here, Ned? I question whether you are capable of caring for a pet. You don't seem very -- how can I say it?
Ned: Intellegant?
Yvonne: Thank you.
Ned: Uh, who are you agin? You know me?
Pons: You are known, Ned. Your persona is shaped to project a man who is a bit dense and lacking in the capacity to learn and develop.
Ned: Huh? I ain't got no purse. If I did, I wunt perject nobody wit it. I mighta put on some Christmas fat, but I ain't that dense. And I bin told, by ladies what know, that my ass is capped above av'ridge.
Yvonne: (scoffing and rolling her eyes) Clearly, I was mistaken.
Judi: Have you considered looking for a pet at the animal shelter?
Pons: Gee, Ned. That's an idea. I remember Lefty got his rottweiler there.
Ned: Did he put some kinda salve on it. That like toe fungus?
Pons: It's a breed of dog, Ned.
Judi: Perhaps the rescue shelter isn't the right place after all. Have you considered a ficus?
Ned: That a bird? I was thinkin' hard on maybe gittin' a talkin' ferret.
Yvonne: A talking ferret? Do you mean parrot?
Judi: Let's hope so.
Pons: Thanks, ladies. I think you may be on to something with the rescue shelter.
Ned: Wonner if their aminals're as much as these ones here. Ya know a talkin' bird costs three hunterd dollaroos.
Judi: (Eyes searching for words) The rescue dogs may all have the rot -- wieler, Ned. You should really consider a cactus.
Pons: Thanks, Judi. I think we'll try the shelter. Lefty said he just paid for rabies shots and a bag of dog food.
Ned: He oughta picked up a hound dog awhile he was there.
Pons: (Looking at the two women and weakly smiling) Right you are, Ned.
Judi: Yes. So -- right, Ned. Bye.
Yvonne: Perhaps you could get a pit bull, Ned. That might be interesting.
Ned: Dunt know as I got room fer no cow at my place, E-phone.
Pons: (Whispering) Yvonne, Ned. Yvonne.
Ned: (Winking and turning to Judi and Yvonne) Good evonin', ladies.
Pons: Yes. Well. Ladies.
Ned: Let's git on over ta that aminal shelter, Pons.
(All exit)
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Author Notes
Thanks to avmurray for use of the image.
A special thanks to judiverse and damommy for being in the scene. You were great.
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