One Scene Western Script
CHARACTERS:
Diablo: A large and powerful Mustang stallion in his middle age as horse years go. He fancies himself the one with all the brains.
Pinto: A medium build Palomino stallion, a youngster compared to Diablo who he admires and looks up to as his personal hero.
Charlie: The owner of the Sagebrush stable. A shrewd businessman and an expert judge of horseflesh.
Big John: The rotund customer looking to purchase horses. Money is no object since he recently struck it rich in the mines.
Asher: A young pure white Arabian stallion that has been auctioned after his wealthy owner passed away.
Anne: Big John’s doted on teenage daughter.
Pa Quigley: A Quaker customer planning on traveling west in search of land and prosperity.
SETTING:
Charlie’s stable on the outskirts of the town. It doesn’t look like much, but he makes a more than fair living. Keeping things as plain and simple as possible prevents his establishment from being the target of the roving desperados that often wander through the town in search of easy pickings. Diablo and Pinto are getting a breath of fresh air; having their usual morning chat as their stalls are side by side and the top doors have been opened.
Fade In.
PINTO:
Mornin’ D! Fine day ain’t it?
DIABLO:
It sure is, Pinto. Looks to be a scorcher.
PINTO:
Yeah, the heat’s been intolerable lately. Worse part is all those pesky horseflies it attracts to the barn. Damn critters are as annoying as frogs in the water trough.
DIABLO:
That they are. It’s nice to have a neigh-bor that’s so agreeable. I’ll miss ya when it’s my time to go.
PINTO:
You sick or something?
DIABLO:
Not that kind of ‘go’. Charlie’s running a business and will sell us off eventually. He just needs the right buyer and our comfy stalls and full bellies will become a memory.
PINTO:
Dang! I’m glad business has been so slow then. I like not having to do anything but eat and talk to you. Beats the heck out of herding cattle all day.
DIABLO:
Is that what you did before here?
PINTO:
Yep. Some days I was so wore out I went to sleep without eating. Felt bad for the rancher that owned me when the bank foreclosed, but it’s each man and horse for himself in this wilderness. What did you do before landing in that stall?
DIABLO:
I was One-Eyed Willie’s ride for a spell.
PINTO:
The bandit?
DIABLO:
Yep. The work wasn’t hard since we spent most days hiding out, but gees was it dangerous. Bullets flying all around every time we made a getaway. Taught me I could fly when I had to in order to save my own hide.
PINTO:
So what happened? Did he sell ya?
DIABLO:
After a bank job in a little town called Grimly, we were running from the posse when Willie took a bullet. They shot him clean out of the saddle and I just kept running. I turned myself in a day later for water and a square meal. Found out folks don’t consider the horse an accessory so the sheriff auctioned me to Charlie.
PINTO:
Wow, you had an exciting life. No wonder you’re so smart. The closest I came to danger was getting poked by an ornery set of cow horns.
DIABLO:
Heads up! I think Charlie’s coming with a customer.
PINTO:
Where?
DIABLO:
Yonder.
Charlie is ambling over from his office with a customer in tow. Big John is 6’5” and as round as he is tall. The two horses look at each other with wide-eyed terror.
DIABLO:
Looks to me like that ole boy has visited the chuck wagon one too many times.
PINTO:
I ain’t never seen a cowboy that growed outward afore. Have you?
DIABLO:
Nope, and I don’t plan on viewing him for long neither. Nothing that big is climbing up on my back without a fight.
PINTO:
Mine either! What ya gonna do, D?
DIABLO:
Just watch and follow my lead.
Charlie and John arrive at the stall to examine the horses.
CHARLIE:
Now these are two of my finest. Diablo is the big one and quick as a whip when it comes to learnin’. The smaller one is Pinto and a fine ride even if he’s not as sturdy.
BIG JOHN:
Can I get a better look at the big one?
CHARLIE:
Sure.
Charlie opens the bottom gate and leads Diablo out into the corral.
BIG JOHN:
That’s one fine animal you got there. How much?
Diablo starts bucking and acting wild. Pinto looks on with pure admiration.
BIG JOHN:
Never mind. This one is way too wild for what I need. I thought you said all your horses were done broke in.
CHARLIE:
They are. Diablo’s never acted like this before now. Must be a horsefly flew up his backside or something.
BIG JOHN:
Let me see the other one. I don’t want no crazy horse in my stable. It’s a sure bet he’d rile up the others in no time.
Charlie leads Pinto out into the yard. Both men notice a marked limp in Pinto’s gait.
BIG JOHN:
Dang! This one is lame. What kind a shop you runnin’ here.
CHARLIE:
Pinto was fine this morning. I don’t know what’s going on with these two today, but I think I have one that will suit.
Charlie puts Diablo and Pinto back in their stalls and walks down to the end of the row to get Asher. The young white stallion was at the bottom of the pecking order and mostly kept to himself in order to avoid being picked on.
PINTO:
Looks like we’re safe. Asher is gonna faint when he sees his new rider.
DIABLO:
Serves him right for being such a stuck-up critter. He thinks being Arabian makes him so special. A few miles with this guy on his back will teach him a little humility. It’s every horse for himself and we just dodged our bullet.
PINTO:
We surely did. We get to rest comfortable here, for a bit longer at least, and enjoy the cushy life.
Both horses begin to laugh hysterically as Asher is led out for Big John to inspect.
BIG JOHN:
He sure is a beauty! I think you’re right. This one will suit. How much?
CHARLIE:
Well, seein’ as how the first two disappointed you I can let you have him for twenty.
BIG JOHN:
Deal.
The two men shake and walk to the office to finalize the sale.
DIABLO:
Hey Asher, what do you think about your new ride?
ASHER:
It’s fine. What good is staying locked up in a stall all day without anything to do?
Diablo and Pinto look at each other in surprise.
PINTO:
You mean you don’t care that big sack of lard is gonna ride you?
ASHER:
Just because he’s buying doesn’t mean he’s riding. I’m just happy to be getting broke out of this equine prison.
Charlie and Big John are on their way back to the corral. They’ve been joined by a dainty young miss and a sour looking pilgrim. They all enter the corral together. The young girl runs to Asher and gives him a huge hug.
ANNE:
Oh Pa, he’s beautiful! Thank you so much for buying me my very own horse. What’s his name?
CHARLIE:
His name is Asher, missy, it means blessed.
ANNE:
And he will be. Asher, we are going to do everything together. You will have your own special stall with heat in the winter and a breeze from the lake in the summer. You will get apples and carrots every day and ONLY the best oats and meal.
Asher whinnies happily and nuzzles her cheek. Big John and Anne lead Asher out of the corral as they begin the journey to his new home.
DIABLO:
Well damnation! He’s gonna live like a prince.
CHARLIE:
These are the two I told you about.
Pa Quigley:
They’ll do fine. Here’s your fee.
Pa Quigley hands Charlie a small leather pouch filled with coin. The two men lead Diablo and Pinto out and hitch them to the small covered wagon waiting out back behind the stable.
PINTO:
We are toting a wagon? For how far?
DIABLO:
By the looks of these folks all the way west as far as there is land underfoot.
PINTO:
If I hadn’t listened to you I’d be livin’ in regal comfort instead of playing pack mule to a group of crusty Quakers.
DIABLO:
Quit complaining and save your energy. We are gonna need it to haul this thing especially when we get to the mountains.
PINTO:
Mountains? This is a real nightmare you got us into.
DIABLO:
Look at the bright side. They might get attacked by injuns and they treat their horses real well.
The End.
Fade Out.
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Humorous Short Script
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