Pons and Ned show up at a friend's house to help close the above-ground pool for the season. They arrive from separate ends of the pool frame and meet in the center.
Ned: Hey, Cuz. Ain't it a great day ta be alive?
Pons: Hi, Ned. Yes, it's a good day to be alive. Most days are that.
Ned: Sure. Iffin we wasn't closin' Ape-Allo's pool, we might be off hank-glidin' in Beer- Mooter.
Pons: Hang-gliding in Bermuda? Really?
Ned: Sure! Or we might could ride them rapid waters in Collar-aida.
Pons: Wow! I have never even considered that, Ned. You are quite the adventurer lately.
Ned: (Looking over the wall of the pool) Looks like Ape-Allo's got the water drained down proper.
Pons: You do know his name is pronounced - Apollo; right?
Ned: Well, yeah, I did, but my friend from Mexico told me once that pollo means chicken.
Pons: So you thought calling him Apollo would be--
Ned: Callin' him a chicken. Now I ain't got no call ta do that.
Pons: Okay, Ned. It sounds like that, but he and you and everyone else knows that he's not being called a chicken.
Ned: In Mexican.
Pons: Right. In Mex -- well, Spanish.
Ned: So it's just them Mexicans what'd be callin' him a chicken.
Pons: Sure, Ned.
Ned: (Looking at the pool covering tarp) This tarp ain't got no grommets, Dude.
Pons: Grommets?
Ned: Yeah. Them holes what we're gonna need ta thread rope through ta tie the top down. Ain't none.
Pons: What now?
Ned: Need a peck a grommets and a tool.
Pons: So, grommets are the ringlets that we tie it down with. Funny the tarp didn't already have them installed.
Ned: He prob'bly got this here tarp on sale and ne'er thunk that it maybe wouldn't be as good as them what's sold on TV by them big bucks stores.
Pons: Big Box?
Ned: Naw. Them grommets are likely in a small box the size of a grommet box.
Pons: That seems likely.
Ned: Even wit havin' ta punch all these here grommet holes, this is still a mighty fine day ta be alive.
Pons: Here's the cable for cinching the cover.
Ned: Yup. Still ain't got no grommets though. We might need ta just punch holes in the edges and put the wire in without them thin's.
Pons: Would that be as good?
Ned: This here's a pool-coverin' emergency, Pons. We gotta meatball this puppy afore we lose the patient.
Pons: That's a bit of an overstatement, Ned. Covering a pool is hardly a life or death situation.
Ned: Let me ask you, Dude. Iffn you was in the hopstipal and you was on a opratin' table and them surchins was ready to sew you up after fixin' yer broken liverwurst and they looked around and couldn't find no grommets what to stitch you up wit -- what would ya want'm ta do.
Pons: (Looking at Ned with a smile) Sew me up without grommets, Ned.
Ned: Zactly. Arrest my case.
Pons: We'll need to punch some holes to thread the wire through.
Ned: I got a .22 pistol in my truck.
Pons: What!
Ned: I kin pop them holes in there right quick. Ya think twenny rounds'd do it?
Pons: You're joking, of course.
Ned: I think I only got twenny bullets, Pons.
Pons: Look, Ned. This isn't going too smoothly and I don't think Apollo wants us to shoot holes in his tarp. Let's take a break, and I'll call Apollo about the grommets.
Ned: Okay, Dude. Meanwhile I'm goin' ta take a quick dip in the pool.
Pons: What? Why? There's only three feet of water in there, Ned.
Ned: Cool yer jets, Pons. I ain't leapin' off a high divin' board.
Pons: Yeah, but you're dressed, the water is stagnant, and it's not summer anymore.
Ned: Well I'll just drop trou now, git in there fer a skinny dip, and not stay too long ta git no stagnant on me.
Pons: On second thought, get your gun. We have a pool cover to shoot.
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Author Notes
Image from Google
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