You stood at the front door that night
crying like you'd lost your best friend
I knew what was coming all right:
I would hardly see you again
You'd chosen him
I couldn't begin to argue
for I'd given you a "free-way"
when I couldn't ease the pain in you
or find a better card to play
You chose him
You stayed with me for one more night
I stood speechless in the doorway
no words would come that sounded right
so I never got to have my say
You'd chosen him
I never "discarded" you, child
for you were my baby, my girl
I believed it best, but all the while
you wanted the best of both worlds
Though you'd chosen him
Why did you keep all that inside -
why did you scream so softly?
I thought it was only me who cried
For wishing you'd chosen me
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Author Notes
I haven't written anything about how I felt after my divorce; especially after my daughter chose to live with her father full time. He had a lot more to offer her than I did, but still...Sometimes I've thought that I shouldn't have backed down the way I did, or that I shouldn't have given her a "way out", even though I could see being divided between the two of us was killing her. I remember that night when he brought her back and they told me the news. Our last night was spent with me in the doorway of her room unable to find the words to say. She was 14 then. And now? Our relationship is what it is. We were once so close, but these days I'm lucky if I see her any more than once a year. She has no idea how hurt I was for all this. But I get the feeling she never let on how she really felt either. I wish she would. I wish WE would. There are so many things she doesn't know about my marriage. I know I say in the poem "why did you keep all that inside..." when, ironically, it's also me who keeps a whole lot inside that I wish I could give vent to.
One day. One day...
The photo is of me and her in happier days.
Thanks for reading!
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