Dinnah at de dinah wid an aileeyon by LIJ Red |
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"Lying Terran, you have deceived me, with intent to humiliate me. I am inappropriately clad." Lieutenant Tepul hissed at Mad Mott. The middle-aged denizen of Earth pulled out a metal chair with foam and vinyl padding, urging the Helican maiden to sit. "Look at the crowd. Lame pensioners and other seniors. They wish they could go your emo goth crack ho look," he said. "Scan some plates. Your communicator looks a lot like a cell phone." The High Fleet Lieutenant sat and crossed her long, bare legs, kicking air with one five-inch red stiletto. She pretended to study her communicator, swinging it to view the dishes of patrons at surrounding tables. Her strapless skintight top had many an aging male Terran sneaking peeks. Her greenish lips might have been glossed, and the shiny black hair hid the tall points of her ears. "If I am not absurd, why do they study me?" Tepul said. "I can safely eat the puffy white dish, the pulverized green dish, and the purple dessert." "Mashed taters, slaw and raspberry cobbler. With water," Mad Mott told Gail, the waitress. "And CB ATW and tots fer me." "Comin' right up," Gail said and headed for the kitchen. "The crowd gapes because you are exotic and stone gorgeous. So, tell me about the universe." Mad Mott smiled. "Our null drive is limited to about 327 C. Our voyages are like those of your glorious clipper ships, weeks in deep space. From our capitol world, it is a seventeen Earth day voyage to here. Our empire takes two months to cross. Like the British Commonwealth in the late nineteeth century." "The Europeans took the new world at walking speed, with their Mayflowers and caravels." "That's is why I am here. Helicans settled Helican The World a hundred million years ago- from Terra. You have a treasure beyond all counting. A Mother World." "That sounds scary." "Two hundred and fifty billion planets in this barred spiral. Two hundred and fifty million with a mild mannered class G2 primary with the exact level of required radiation. Two hundred and fifty thousand with planets in the Goldilocks zone, where water can be a liquid. Two hundred and fifty with the right mix of elements. Two with the right level of interior nuclear reaction to stabilize the temperature all through the acceptable rotation period. There were three but the Beast at the galaxy core ate one." "Two." "Us, and the Armins, in the other spiral arm, who do not socialize. We maintain a neutral zone a year wide at maximum null between our empires. Your Mother World is most unthinkably precious. An advanced civilization can live, even thrive, on marginal planets, but no life will come from dead matter save on Mother Worlds." Gail slid their plates from her forearm to face them. Tepul glared at Mad Mott's plate. "Is that the tissue of a slain mammal? Oh, gross!" She opened an envelope of catsup and studied it. Then she squirted it on his tater tots. "So how long will your study of our civilization last?" "It is completed. You have helped me from the first, and I remind you of your oath to complete secrecy." "I am a bit of a hermit, evolved from a gifted child who failed utterly in Terran society. You can rely on my silence." "Very gifted. We monitor your civilization's public media, your social media, your super secret military communications. Your generals would poopoo uncontrollably if they knew how much we know." "So now what?" "So now the red stuff I squirted on your potatoes will insure that you die of old age, or violence, or accident. No virus or bacteria or toxin can harm you. My reward. Light 'em if you got 'em. Set up another round." "Well, I appreciate that. I knew you were listening and I thought of the Muslims gunned down in the mosque, of Black Lives Matter, of the border wall, of ISIS, of the endless migrations, and of the sixth extinction. Didn't all that make your team shake their heads and sigh?" "Those are not significant. Your failure to control your population and use of resources, your degrading gene pool, your misuse of chemicals, these are far more dangerous. But worst of all is your staggering dishonesty." Mad Mott was silent, eating, for a time. "So what will you do?" "The First Law Of Noninterference only allows us two options. We can contact and adopt an advanced civilization, or we can stand back and wait for the eventual collapse, then resettle the planet." "I haven't heard of any Helican dreadnoughts hovering above the UN building." "Nor shall you. Nor will you ever see me again. Thank you so much, and fare well, Mad Mott. And for your sake-- I hope the horse will learn to sing." All eyes were on her tall willowy strut as she left the diner. She had tasted the items of her lunch, and left them.
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LIJ Red
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