For The Love Of Esther Grace by Sally Law |
I fell silent and cold...prostrate on the floor.
I laid upon the small pink rug situated in front of her French white crib. Heavy boots were running down the hallway with shouts and screams. The long hall echoing the cries for help. A day of home birth, joy, hopefulness and expectation had turned dark. Why was it so cold? I couldn't feel God. Where had He gone? It was nearing midnight on the clock and in my soul. I feared she was gone already. No movement...no breath in her lungs. The sound of a newborn baby's cry was not heard. My son left with the paramedics carrying her in his arms. I heard them leave the house through the front door calling out to everyone, but it was muffled. It seemed like a bad dream from which I could not wake. I began to pray to my God...my only hope; the giver of all life. "Lord if a life is required this night...take mine...please. I beg you, let Esther live. What do you say? My life for hers." Heaven was quiet as no answer was given. I have more tears left? I had already cried a river.... A knock came at the door. I wiped my eyes and arose to see if good news was there. "We are all going to the hospital to be with Crystal and Esther. Crystal is hemorrhaging from the delivery and needs medical attention. We must take you all now." "Yes, I will come." I said. The car was quiet although filled with family members. The children in the backseat were crying and asking questions. My grandsons were with another relative waiting for the news of their sister's birth. What will my son and daughter-in-law say to them? What will I say? My husband was home asleep; awaiting the good news of Esther's arrival by early morning. Our first girl and granddaughter. He had just called me around 10 PM to say goodnight, and to thank me for being our daughter-in-law's birthing coach. He was giddy at the thought of seeing and holding our new granddaughter in the morning. I needed him here with me now, I thought. I must reach him, but, what to do was far from me. Shocked and confused, my thoughts were wild and astray. The temperature had dropped steadily all day. I was shivering and I couldn't seem to get warm. Was this really happening? It was just a half-hour ago that she was almost here. Her heart rate was good and everything seemed fine. Then, suddenly, we lost her heartbeat just as her head was crowning. We all took turns giving infant CPR to Esther along with the midwife and nurse until the paramedics arrived. The shirt I had on was stained with blood. Those who were not working on her were praying for her little life--that she would take a breath and cry. Realizing she was gone, I wandered into her room and closed the door to pray. A miracle was the only way to bring her back to life, for she was icy cold. ******* When I arrived at the emergency room, I could see Esther through sliding glass doors being attended by a team of pediatric doctors and nurses. They were already looking at her X-rays. She lay motionless on the examination table. I continued to pray. I tried to reach my husband, Jack, but my call went into his voicemail. 11:45 PM was displayed on the waiting room clock when I saw the attending physician shaking his head as he comforted my son. The look on my son's face was more than I could bear. He was heartbroken. I was amazed at what happened next, as I was given a few minutes alone with her in the ER. Without hesitation, I jumped at the chance. Everyone left the room with my son, leaving me with alone with Esther. I studied her...she was exquisite. Her face was like a cherub, her little mouth shaped like a red bow. She had beautiful ivory skin and blue eyes. All ten fingers and toes had some pinkness still clinging to them among the little rolls of flesh. I kissed her and held her close, drenching her with my tears. After ten minutes, she was taken to her mother once she was stabilized so we could mourn her together as a family. My husband was finally reached and arrived just in time for us to see her and say goodbye. We were able to hold Esther as her grandparents, and kiss her sweet face one last time. God did not let me give up my life for hers. He allowed me to stay behind with the living. A year later, our granddaughter, Sophia, was born. Just as beautiful as her sister, but full of life. I am grateful that God is still God, and He is merciful in all His ways. When I look at Sophia and my three grandsons, I see life, not death, and remember why I am still here. "The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." ~From the Book of Job~
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Sally Law
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