You flag me to the den
cellphone glued to your ear.
Quick wave hello,
your charming Cheshire grin.
Left index finger thrust into the air,
You mouth." Hungry…you’re late!”
I frown, pointing at my wrist--
protesting, "au contraire!"
Delights await me, I shrug. "ooh what a treat!"
Throwing out a one-armed hug…
conversation’s still in force.
Playfully, with a bow, you lead me to a seat.
Inspecting racks of vintage wine,
The assigned quest is on,
pluck the perfect red or white.
Quietly, I bide time.
Rejoining me in the room,
I sense a deep despair.
Flopping at the table,
I’m hemmed in by your doom.
Sprinkling herbs onto the nights cuisine,
adding your signature touches;
Without further prompting your
truth spills out, ugly and obscene.
"Diana! I’m returning to Budapest.
This is it, my final trip.
I’m leaving LA at the end of next week;
Sara’s joining me on this quest.”
"More edamame--more rice?"
You jolly me with a smile.
Offering up a bowl of nuts;
fussing too hard to make nice.
"D! I’m going back to die on my own terms,
“This f*#$ing cancer!
My pain’s ridiculous and
the prognosis is confirmed.
“My patients, my friends, my family, my wife.
I’ve counseled so many for so long
“It's my time to be selfish,”
He frowns. “I’m planning to end my life.”
“Sick to death of hearing myself complain,”
Distracted he utters;
"Hey D you want an espresso,
better yet a French Champagne!"
“Ivan, no matter what you choose to do,
I give you my support.”
My voice went quiet until it didn’t.
“Don’t you dare leave me hanging without a clue!”
Acknowledging my appeal
--You return to the cellar.
Your mission--grab our parting bottle, and
soothe the powerful hurt I feel.
My tears betray me.
You plate our last dessert.
I refuse to show my pain,
still too fragile to let you see.
Weeks fly by--I wait,
Life is now without you.
Reality’s set in.
You’ve taken back your fate.
**** The love and friendship we shared is deafening and silent***
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Author Notes
Attempted to have my poem in similar style to the "My Dinner With Andre" format.
When I was 9 my mother had a psychotic break. Shortly after, she was diagnosed with Paranoid schizophrenia. That set my tone for my life to stay involved learning about mental illnesses. My other passion is to champion the mentally ill any way I can.
Enter Ivan:
Born in Budapest... He went to Austria for med school... then to King's College in London to study psychiatry.
From what I could tell after I met him, he was always a "world stage guy". He travelled the world twice over during the time I knew him.
He & I met about a decade after I arrived here. With his tutelage, I got answers to so many questions I'd been seeking for so long. Helping those with mental illness is my never ending quest.
We had a strong fifteen year friendship... His frequent adventures most of us only read about... that being said... he was reasonably down to earth.
In the end, when the cancer took over, he refused to go out completely debilitated. A friend in Budapest agreed to to help him complete his goal of euthanasia .
Thanks so much for reading.
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