Will writing about it make this insanity stop?
The ongoing nightmares that wake me,
Racing thoughts that sweep through my brain,
Constant need to do something, anything,
And the inertia that ties me to the couch.
What is it about memories of that summer?
The summer she left me all alone.
She only came home one or two nights.
Cupboards were bare, but rent and utilities were paid.
Where did she go?
Why had she left me like a waif?
On her return, she had news.
News that was supposed to thrill me.
Seemed I was getting a new 'dad.'
Though he didn't know I existed,
They were to be wed.
Moved from the number one school in the state,
To one where I was mocked for the color of my skin,
A house with a fireplace, stainless steel sinks, and my own room.
She must have thought I'd swoon.
I rebelled. I became a stranger. No longer the pleasant child,
I did many things I believed I'd never do.
I often looked at myself, and thought Patty-who?
Life's carousel spun faster and higher,
The final threads broke and I said goodbye
To who I was, and maybe who I was supposed to be.
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