Fade in
Characters:
Mary Queen of Socks: Aka Judy Sutton. Judy is bi-polar, schizophrenic or both, depending upon which shrink you ask. She's approaching three hundred pounds and doesn't care in the least. According to her, she's "happy and content" and reminds all of that fact often.
Mark Henry: Paranoid schizophrenic, all agree. His affection for LSD may have played a small part in his current condition. He is a superior intellect and the one person in the facility who can converse in an intelligent manner with the caretaker. He does, however, think everyone is out to get him.
Billy Boykins: Misdiagnosed with many ailments. Certainly, mentally challenged. Epileptic. His epilepsy causes many of his other conditions in the opinion of his caretaker. The doctors have diagnosed, Parkinson's syndrome and a host of other ailments.
Vernon David McMahon: Everyone calls him Dave or David. He refers to himself by his FULL name especially when declaring his RIGHTS which is often.
Kenny: A short round black man with an insane laugh and crazy eyes. He believes he imparts wisdom, but no one understands what he is talking about. Everyone goes along with him.
Rhonda Crunk: An older woman who never stops talking. She tells endless stories about people no one has ever heard of, especially about her childhood.
Donny: Also known as Dad or Don, never Mr. Larson even to professionals like Doctors or city and county officials who inspect the premises. He's the oldest person in the facility and the caregiver of all. For some reason, he is perceived as young. He is also perceived as extremely intimidating though he is friendly and outgoing and fun.
We are in the living room of a two-story house. Judy is peering up through the railings of the stairs.
Judy
"Dad. Daaaaaaad!"
A door at the top of the stairs opens and Donny storms out looking exasperated.
Donny
"What the hell do you want? I'm busy and I know you want nothingness."
Judy
"Two things. Number one, I love you and I'm happy and content."
Donny
"That's already three things".
Judy
"Dad. You're funny. Number two, there's someone at the door".
Donny
"Well, answer the damn door and tell them we don't want any and to go away.
Judy, all three-hundred pounds of her, lumbers to the door and opens it. A pizza delivery man is standing there with large eyes taking in the sight of her. He has a plastic container holding pizzas and a bag in his hand holding soda. An electronic device to record the order sits on top of the pizzas.
Judy
I'm Mary Queen of Spots. Dad said to answer the damn door.
Pizza Man
Your pizza order.
Judy
I didn't order any pizza.
She yells at the top of her lungs without turning her head.
Judy
DAD! The pizza pies are here. You have to come down here. I don't know what to do.
A voice comes from upstairs.
Donny
Tell him to put them on the table. I'm coming down with the money
The pizza man enters the house and heads towards the table.
Judy
Dad says to come in and put the pizzas on the table and he'll bring you the money.
The pizza man places the pizzas and soda on the table.
Judy
The table's in the dining room. Should we start eating now or wait for dad?
David Vernon McMahon walks into the room with a pillow, places it on the ground and then falls lightly upon it faking a gran mal seizure. Everyone ignores him. The pizza man's eyes grow wide as saucers. David gives up on his seizure and speaks.
David
I'm David Vernon McMahon, dammit, and I've got rights. You're lucky I came out of it on my own. If I would've died I could've sued, you for everything you've got. I've got rights, dammit. I'm just as good as anyone else.
Kenny starts laughing louder than one would think a human could laugh. David glares at him, but everyone else joins in except the pizza man who looks horrified.
Billy Boykins enters the dining room with a huge knife and a hunk of wood. He appears to be hacking the wood slowly to bits.
Billy
Are you the pizza man? I'm piddling. I like to piddle on the wood. Dad says I'm a good piddler. Do you know how to piddle?
Billy points the knife at the pizza man who recoils back into the chair. At the same time Donny arrives with cash in hand. He leans in to the pizza man and whispers in his ear.
Donny
Just go along with him and you'll be okay. Whatever he tells you that hunk of wood is, just say it looks exactly like that. I'll get the knife from him.
Donny backs up from the pizza man and addresses Billy.
Donny
You should put your whittling away now, Billy. It's pizza time. That's nice what you're doing there.
Billy ignores him and stays fixated on the pizza man.
Billy
What do you think this is? Do you like elephants? This is an Indian elephant. African elephants are black and don't have any ears. I could turn this into an African elephant by hacking the ears off and painting it black, but I like the ears for the fact of that's how they are able to fly.
Pizza man
Yeah ... umm ... that's a great elephant. You're very talented. I need to go now and deliver some more pizza. Is that okay? I'm sure you're hungry.
Donny backed up to the wall looking terrified. The pizza man scooted the chair back and almost tipped it over. Billy nodded his head, turned and walked back to his room. The pizza man bolted from his chair and rushed towards the door.
Donny
Hey, I need to pay still.
Pizza man
Don't worry about it. It's on me.
Donny laughed as the pizza man jumped in his car and sped off.
Donny
Okay everyone, enjoy the free pizza. I think that guy was a little nuts. He didn't even want to get paid.
Fade out
End of Act One
|
|
