Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.
Ten trick or treaters, noisy little swine
came sneaking on to this hillside of mine
a whiny fat'un fell
in the old dry well
and then heh heh then there were nine.
Nine trick or treaters, yestreen late
put the torch to my garden gate
but did they ever squeal
as my dobie had a meal
And then by gum there were only eight.
Eight trick or treaters, no reason given
trampled my cat into feline heaven
one chased my hog
out into the bog
sank like a rock and then there were seven
Seven trick or treaters, insufferable pricks,
pelted my windows with feces and sticks
but through the trapdoor
in my back porch floor
one fell, and then there were six
Six trick or treaters, skulking in my drive
but I'd had just about enough of that jive
I'd put down a Bouncing Betty
the mess it made sure was not pretty
the next head count said now there were five.
Five trick or treaters, mauling on my door
and one was a bopper dressed like a whore
I let th' cute little hooker in
then I gave 'er some Gibley's gin
And, yep, you guessed it, then there were four.
Four trick or treaters mean as they could be
put the Charmin to my maple shade tree
one climbed way up high and fell
with a shrill ululating yell
and that, thank Satan, left only three.
Three trick or treaters, a grim and motley crew
said "Face it, Geezer- it's over. You're through."
but I quickly purchased my release
with my ten-gauge fowling piece
As the smoke cleared there were only two.
Two trick or treaters who would not run
harassed me sorely till the rising of the sun
I fought for my life
with a rusty butcher knife
ended up with a lot of cutlets and one.
One trick or treater, disguise undone,
Said "Holy shit, that sure was fun!"
He joined me and hooker for a cup
of coffee as the sun came up.
The place was a wreck, but now there were none.
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Author Notes
Don't be alarmed... a bopper is a teeny old enough to be an active party girl...
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