Excellent Looking for purpose to overcome pain. Reason by R. N. Kyle Dear God contest entry

Papa. I hurt; I ache; every cell is sorrow. My troubles are modest. My pain, insignificant. So why? Why do I feel like this? Again. Is this my fault, Papa? Do I invite these troubles? Or do they infiltrate like insects, till they claim every crevasse and dark place, making their home among the rot? The shadows of my soul. I will die. Worthless; having accomplished nothing. I’m purposeless. My life has no meaning. Every breath is waste. I want to serve you, Lord. I can’t do what you ask if I can’t hear you. Your words are far away. Every moment I stand in stifling silence. I ache for your voice. Carry me. Cradle me like an injured child. Hold me close, so I don’t disappear. Without you I will slip into the darkness that swells within me, a growing putrescence. Swallowed from the inside. I wish you would end this grief for me. I can’t. You formed this vessel. It is more yours than mine. I am tired. So, do it, God. Crush what little remains to dust. Make it stop. Everything. Stop. … No. That’s no good either. I want to discover what lies at the end. You create all things. You form every sparrow; dress every field with flowers; spin every tale. Each has a purpose. It exists. I know it. I know. Lord, let me see. So long as I can see. So long as there is a reason. Something that makes all of this heartache worthwhile. I can take the punishment of Promethius. The burden of Atlas. Even the torment of Tantalus. Anything. So long as there is a reason. Give me courage. Give me strength. Don't leave me too long in this enveloping gloom. I love you, Papa. Author Notes I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for about a year. I wrote this as a reminder to keep pushing forward.

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