- Rant Awryby Lobber
This work has reached the exceptional level
A rant a day keeps the doctor awry.
Rant Awry by Lobber
Write A Rant contest entry

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
I thought I’d write about something that everybody loves. . . loves to hate that is . . . Auto-Correct.  Some hate Auto-Correct enough to rant about it.
My love/ hate relationship with Auto-Correct began in 1973. It was my first real job in Canada and I wanted to impress my new Board of Directors. So, in my first email to them, I wrote Hell to All. Obviously, my Auto-Correct failed me .  .  . just when I needed it most!  Rather than Auto-Correct, it was more like Auto-Neglect. Since then, I’ve been more careful as to when and what I write.
Well, actually not. Somehow my Os and Ps can easily get sloppy when typing . . . especially since my ancient fifth pinky, when typing Ps can get lazy. Plus, it seems that an extra tap of my fourth finger can often result in an extra O.  As a result, in the dark and pain of the night, I wrote to an FS Member:
I’m on a steady diet of morphine for pain and I just pooped some more, some codeine, and 2 aspirin to wash it down. Now I wait.
Well, I can’t expect Auto-Correct to sense bodily functions as to where things are actually located when it comes to “my” body - is it popping or pooping? I guess it doesn’t matter to Auto-cat rectal.
But, then there have been times when Auto-Correct has legitimately failed me. . . like when I wrote a quick note to my Aunt Sophia on her birthday:
Dear Aunt Sophia, I hope you enjoy this set of earwigs for your lovely ears.
Luckily, my Aunt is an entomologist, which only makes the matter more confusing or worse for her. She’s still waiting for the bugs to arrive.
Now, metrologists have their own Auto-Correct problems. How about this one:
Behind the initial burst of wind, training thunderstorms may form that could cause intense flash flooding.
Well, I hope everyone learned a lot from those thunderstorm educators, as opposed to those poor “trailing” ones left behind.
Throughout my life, I seem to love saying Hello to my Friends.  Recently, however, even this one slipped out:
Hello My Fiend,
Well, I guess I’m more than human and less than perfect. . . friend, fiend, apples, anthills oranges. . . does it matter?
“Autocorrect, invented in 1991 by Dean Hachamovitch at Microsoft, changed how millions of people write” .  .  or, as I would say: don’t write.”(1)
By 1993, before anyone had a smartphone (or even a “dumb” phone, for that matter), Microsoft rolled out its new word processing feature: autocorrect . . . a program that corrected typos by guessing what words users meant to type. Yeah! Sure!(2)
Hear are sum of there “exam pulls” in screamshits of test-massaging(3):
Speaking of sleep, this person has a few strategies.

And Chris just couldn't wait for the second date.

Well, I hope all you FS Members have sweat dreams tonight!

  • Lobber (which in Auto-Cat Rectal Language is sometimes spelled Ladder or Slobber.

Now I feel butter.  Sorry!  Now I feel better.

Author Notes




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