Excellent fair godmother wishes Bosses by Iza Deleanu Share Your Story contest entry

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language. I must have been born under a missing-in-action star. Probably, one of the damn fairy godmothers for fun said: "and shall never have a boss that she will love to work with!" She said it as joke, but I am swimming through the consequences! Probably, the other two jumped to correct the fall... and made it worse! "She will be very smart, ....and work best alone!" What the fuck? Have you not read the job advertisement? "Must perform well in a team environment, must be a team player?" Where the heck should I fit in the lone wolf story? The third hag concluded: "She will be happy, only if she speaks her mind!" Man, it must be tiring to be right all the time and speak your mind. Guess who is flying from that job? Yup, that's me, the smart pants and not that lousy, lazy mother fucker YES Man type. I wish that I had ten fairy godmothers instead of three, so at least one of them could put me back on track and wish me something normal. I feel like that idiot who caught the golden fish: made three wishes, and the last one cancelled the first two. Now, with the three inherited requirements, I am jumping from job to job searching for perfection. By now, I already know that only God is perfect, so I am left with the only role possible: Sisyphus! Push me hard, I will come back for more! Every time I like my boss, somebody else jumps in and knocks me over from my fairy land. This is my fourth time when I am facing this misery. Let's face it. My type of boss doesn't exist anymore. I like the one that barks the orders and gets out of my way. See you when the job is done type; let me know if you need anything kind! But what did I have so far? The idiot who thinks it's a Shepherd, pardon me a leader, and leads the ship. I mean he/she has some fake paper in leadership, aka lead the sheep, and now barks at me from every corner. As soon, as you start to work on your task, she is behind your back executing a perfect cheerleading number: Are you done? How long is going to take? I trust you will finish this in TIME! Maybe if you let me work without chanting in my ear, I will, but since you stick at my throat like a leech, this shit is going to take much, much longer. Anyway, at the end of the day will not matter, because you will dump on me your next impossible mission. The worst bosses you can have are women. They are  "well-wishers." But I am too old to fall for that. If one of them is telling you that she is there to help you and support you. RUNNNN! Bad news: you just met the devil that wears Prada! She is there to drink  your blood and drive you insane. If you dare to ask for something, she will tell you that "I have to check the budget for this year." Well it's been a year, and she is still... checking! Well, we have not specified which year, so there is still time for that. My new boss is a dumb ass, who thinks if the company she worked for was doing scanning for the provincial government, it makes her an expert in electronic content management. Wait, she was the chief in charge of operations. Has anyone heard records management anywhere? The worst part is she thinks she is a leader because there were thousands of employees working for the government where her company was doing scanning, which she never met. I'm a scan man, or in her case scam man! Madam Char, aka HR, the job was requiring somebody with IT skills, you know programing, COBIT reporting, cyber risk and security, and they choose la cream de la cream: dumb ass that thinks that scanning stands for electronic records. Every time I talk to her, I see her eyes widen and that's all! Nothing goes through! How can I fake that I am impressed when I am not. I just feel like I am talking to a puppet. Whenever she sees me, she says the same things like a broken record. If I ask her something, then she disappears for weeks and pretends to be busy. Thank God for Covid, it kept me away from her Dumbness. I don't want to go back to work, I am so good home. At least I can swear and do faces without her seeing me. Oh, God, please send me a crash course in faking and yes man customization, or at least somebody to teach me! The world is there, and for me faking is the limit! "God, please, if you have any spare fairy godmother, please  let me borrow one. I need a simple wish: and she shall be invisible, but still have the means to live. Her bosses will leave her to her own devices! Amen!" This is my story, and I am sure it might be yours too. People with power and no intellect, are washing the floors with the ones that were ejected from fairyland at the wrong time and the wrong place.

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